Monday, March 24, 2008

Drama Junkies, etc.

Ever wonder if you're the only one who has a hard time dealing with certain people? It seems to me that some of the people that I find most difficult to deal with are not in the least bit of a struggle for others to not only spend time with, but they actually seem to enjoy their time with them. I wonder what's wrong w/me? It's not that I can't get along w/them--I can "get along" with practically anyone--it has more to do with feeling like I need to detox after spending time w/or talking w/them for any lengthy amount of time. And it's only a couple of people in my life that I feel that way about, but it is such a big struggle for me to understand why I have such a hard time w/them and what I should do about it!

The main temptation is to not be gracious, to call them on it and just say, "Get over it." or "Believe me, your life is NOT that hard, if you consider this is a major problem." Sometimes I wish I was one of those people who speaks her mind, and people just knew that. So much of my struggle is with not daring to speak my mind, and instead having the thoughts just build up in my head of things I wish I had the boldness and (gracious way) to say.

It seems that the few people with whom I struggle this way have several things in common. Issues like a lack of truth and integrity. I never know how much is actual and how much is exaggerated or half-truths. Drama junkies, too. Everything's either way better or way worse (usually the latter) for them than for anyone else. Things that are completely normal that probably many people deal with without freaking out about it are a huge deal that require tons of attention and talking through and false alarms and crying wolf, etc.

Energy-suckers. I feel like the very life has been drained out of me if I spend too much time talking w/them. I find it's just better the less I know about the lives of these people, since so much of what happens to them has everything to do with the choices they've made, and I want to yell, "COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!" because the problems are generally miniscule in the scheme of things. Part of why I've written out some of my experiences (my birth stories are a good example) is because I don't necessarily tell people everything that is happenning with me or what difficulties I am currently dealing with on a particular day (or even a big event). If someone asks me how my week/day was, I will usually respond positively. Even though there may have been several problems I encountered, I usually consider the problems normal and par for the course. In fact, I have a feeling that what will eventually make up most of my blog postings will be expressions of struggle in some way or another. Just as a way to vent, per se, since I don't really do that verbally. (My poor husband is the usual exception to this rule: he knows so much more about me than anyone else. I will express to him thoughts or feelings that I would not think of expressing in a normal conversation with a friend.)

I think in some ways, my blog will become a "this is how my life is, if you really want to know," chronology. Someone who doesn't spend at least an entire week living with and observing us would have no idea many of our experiences or what we do, or the fact that we have problems just like any other family. Not that I'm not real w/people. I'm willing to admit my shortcomings and struggles with my own character issues to any aquaintance, and that our family is not in the least bit perfect. But the whole "my life is so hard" stuff is just not really part of my verbal expression. Life is hard. Everyone has difficulties and struggles in some way or other. I'm sure my life is quite average for people who are in a situation similar to mine. And I don't assume that my life is crazy out-of-the-ordinary. That being said, it may not be very apparent in my postings that I am this kind of person, since I will probably start to sound like "one of those people" I can't stand. So you didn't get enough sleep last night, huh? And this surprises you why? Oh, because you thought someone had promised somewhere that moms were supposed to get a good 8 hours uninterrupted sleep after the initial newborn phase? And your kid is throwing up, is he? And he was so unthoughtful as to keep doing it throughout the night? And not even warn you beforehand? And he's 2 and this is the first time you've experienced this? (Be thankful he hasn't done it on a regular basis till now!) And your daughter doesn't listen when you tell her to do or not do something? And you're too tired to discipline? Struggling with consistency, because it would mean getting up and doing something about it just about every 5 minutes?

I can totally relate. I think that's my point. My life isn't that much different, I just don't always need to verbalize what is surely an average mom experience at some level. But perhaps I do, and perhaps that's where this blog comes in.

Anyway, just a late-night musing/ranting. Ah, sleep awaits. (And no, the next post will not include me whining because I'm so tired, since I made a choice to do without sleep.)


  1. Thank you, Sarah, for keeping it real. What I mean by that so cheesy, so last decade cliche, is that it is encouraging to hear about struggles while still hearing the positive. You do a good job in keeping that balance. I too, have people that drain me, and I go away hoping that I am ministering to them, encouraging them, not just enabling their whining, but I don't really know how to do that.

  2. Chrissy,
    Thanks for reading my post! I didn't have any idea anyone would read what I wrote. Not exactly like it's my diary, but I think posting for me is going to be an outlet of expression I don't always have in "real life." And it's good to hear I'm not the only one who struggles w/people. Sometimes it's hard to express things like that in real life, since it can get so close to gossip/slander. I want to avoid that, but then have all this gunk in my mind to deal with, and I'm still left wondering, "What would be best for me to do/say in this conversation?" I so want to do things differently. I love the friends that I have that will just say what they think (not hurtfully, but not tiptoeing around, either). You're a good example of that kind of friend. I want to be more like that! I'm a little afraid of the verbal volcano that may errupt, should I really express my thoughts at any given moment when in conversation with difficult people. I don't feel confident in my discretion to know what or how much to say, so I just don't say anything sometimes. Ha! I just thought of how someone who doesn't know me would probably assume, from my last sentence, that I'm a very quiet person. You know me better than that! I think I talk your ear off most of the times we're together!

    Anyway, friend, I appreciate your attitude in life's experiences, too. You're not the complaining type, and I find it that much more encouraging to spend time w/you because of that. Struggles and problems can be expressed without being the "downer" theme of our conversations.