FrogBlog: Prodromal Birth

My Sis, the Prodromal Laborer

2012-02-03T14:44:00.000-07:00

My li'l sis, Deborah, just wrote a post on prodromal labor. Last April, she gave birth to her third baby via this labor pattern. I would love to link to or post the birth story when she makes it available (but I understand how it is--I still haven't published Ian's birth story from 19 months ago), but for now, this will have to suffice:

http://belladolcebirths.blogspot.com/2012/01/prodromal-labor-what-is-it.html

Deborah and I are of the same mind when it comes to discussing prodromal labor: that all-too-often, trying to fit what it is (or can be) into a chart or concise definition becomes too restrictive and not all that helpful. This is the biggest reason that, for all my wanting to educate about the fact that such a labor pattern does exist, this blog has yet to truly "define" it in terms that many birthy sites have--I find those definitions leave one thinking too much in-the-box, which we tend to do anyway when it comes to what is "normal" in birth. (Not to mention that my own experiences with this pattern often oppose what is detailed in the charts.)

Unfortunately, I have found that the people who are most close-minded in relation to the prodromal labor pattern are birth workers (be it doctors, nurses, midwives, doulas, or birth educators) and women who have given birth before. In fact, in some cases, women who have several (even many) children tend to be the most dismissive about the possibility of prodromal labor, sometimes considering a woman's own experience with it suspect (as in, what could be wrong with your perception to make you think this can happen?). It is as if whatever was their own experience is all that can possibly be out there.

The most open-minded people I've encountered on this subject are (not surprisingly) women who have experienced the pattern themselves and women who have never before given birth. I've even seen people go from open-minded about the possibility before birth to completely narrow-minded after experiencing a more textbook birth. (It is on the close-minded people that I sometimes wish prodromal labor, I admit.) When it does occur, it can be very vindicating. :)

I Know, I Know. I'm Lame. . .

2011-03-05T01:24:00.001-07:00

Mosey on over to my (Feb 5, 2012--edited to remove link. I cannot in good conscience direct traffic to a site for a business that scams its participants) to read Tara's article about not "white-knuckling it" for a natural birth. For ages now, I've meant to write a similar article here, but alas, I haven't done much writing at all lately (as is obvious, I know you know). Since it will likely be another . . . while . . . before I do touch the subject of why women choose natural birth (or before I touch this blog altogether, possibly), I'll send you (edited) for a good read.

Who knows? It just might catapult a woman who has never considered birthing naturally into looking into her options, getting informed about her choices, preparing her mind and body for the upcoming athletic event, and surrounding herself with great support. And that wouldn't be half bad, now would it? Go on. Have a look see.

I felt terrible for un-linking to this great article, but as I remembered, several authors of articles on their site removed permission for the business to continue using them, so they don't even exist at that site anymore. (Surprisingly, they actually complied, which is what they haven't done when it comes to eductors asking to be taken off their directory--it inflates the perceived value of the company). If I find Tara has posted her article elsewhere, I will replace the link.

Go Read this Great Article!

2011-02-02T15:56:00.001-07:00

Feb 5, 2012--edited to remove all mention of and links to the birth organization I cannot in good conscience support in any way, including the very mention of their name. This organization has failed to make good on many promises, many of which are financial, and has behaved appaulingly unprofessionally in many ways.

As I have announced somewhat here on this blog and more officially to clients and friends, I am now a (link removed from post so as not to drive traffic to their scam of a site) Educator.

Recently, I started my first (edited) class. I have a student couple who has made the decision to birth at home with their first baby. A rarity, but a wise choice. One I wish I had had the smarts to make with my firstborn. (Not that I regret my decision of hospital birth--I just did not know enough to choose and be comfortable with home birth back then.)

If home birth is not initially scoffed at and completely thrown aside, the scenario all-too-often goes like this: a mom-to-be states, "I'm not entirely comfortable with home birth. I'll have this baby in the hospital, and if all goes well, we can consider out-of-hospital birth in the future;" little knowing that the choice of hospital birth will often lead her to the conclusion that she or her baby would have been in trouble at least, and would have died at worst--had she not given birth in said hospital.

Indeed, it is this faulty premise that feeds the illusion of the need to birth in a hospital in order to have a safe birth. Mom encounters problems in labor and birth while in hospital, and incorrectly assumes that had she been at home, she would have experienced these same complications. Ask any birth junky: the common quip from women after such an experience is: ". . . And thank GOD we were in the hospital, or . . . (insert dangerous and/or life-threatening scenario here). . . would have happened, and . . . (insert individual's name and horrific outcome here)!" The faulty logic is that birth = danger, while in fact, very often it is birthing in the hospital that causes the problems encountered in birth: the iatrogenic complications (that is, problems arising as a result of medical intervention, not the actual birthing process). Yes, hospitals are good for some births, and yes, major abdominal surgery is life-saving in some instances, but this does not mean that the hospital is the safest place to birth for most women.

If you are reading this and it makes sense, I am preaching to the choir. For any readers who wonder, "Where is she getting these crazy correlations?!", I would truly love to spend a few hours on this post and give all the statistical data to back up what I've said in the above paragraphs, but alas, I have four young children, a teething and needy seven-month-old asleep on my chest as I type, and I need to start dinner, finish laundry, and otherwise continue cleaning and preparing for my next class. So I regret to say that the above statements will have to suffice as a teaser and a challenge for anyone not convinced of the normalcy of birth.

Since having joined (name withheld) Birth, I have regained an excitement about teaching the essentials of a safe and satisfying birth. I have also absolutely enjoyed the never-before-experienced sense of community with my sisters in birth: fellow birth educators, doulas and midwives (to name a few) within the (name withheld) Birth community. This great bunch of birth workers have challenged me, encouraged me and constantly bring new and interesting information my way. I am LOVING my affiliation with (name withheld) Birth! (Incidentally, what I loved--and still do--was the community, which is still alive and well after a mass exodus of most of the educators who had originally joined the org. The business, as it stands, is a blight to the birthing community.)

Today, one of my colleagues posted an older article by Mothering Magazine entitled: "You Want to Give Birth Where?", stating that the couple had been clients of hers and students of one of our fellow Brio educators (while she was under a previous certification). This article is a good read: one that chronicles how an intelligent, mainstream couple came to the oft-assumed "brave" and "out-there" decision to birth at home. (Interesting note: the dad/baby pictured with the article is not the dad/baby of the article: my colleague states that he and his wife were much more mainstream. I mention this as an aside to encourage you to read the actual article and put aside any conclusions drawn upon seeing the picture.) Enjoy the read!

More Great Descriptions of Prodromal Labor

2011-01-17T14:41:00.001-07:00

So, this is a couple months late, but I recently stumbled upon a blog description of prodromal labor that I thought was thorough and informative. Go check out Frazzalicious Mommy and her post of late October: Red Light, Green Light. . . A Tale of Prodromal Labor.

What are We Doing?

2011-01-15T14:20:00.000-07:00

Quote from the US CDC: "The cesarean delivery rate rose to a record high of 32.9 percent in 2009, up from 32.3 in 2008. The cesarean rate has increased every year since 1996, when the rate was 20.7."

All our advancing technology in birth sure has made a world of a difference, right? Only all these cesareans are not actually saving lives; the U.S.'s Maternal and Infant Mortality rates are not going down, despite this increasingly upward trend of major abdominal surgery.

We have a ways to go to make birth safer in the U.S.

Mom of Twins Experiencing Prodromal Labor

2010-12-07T20:19:00.004-07:00

So, I am a little late in posting this, but as of 8:12 this evening, there was no announcement on Natasha's blog that prodromal labor had culmanated into the birth of her twins, so I'm going to post this, thinking she is most likely still experiencing PL.

Read this post from last week and if you are inclined, encourage this mommy that she won't do this forever. Prodromal labor has its challenges, and discouragement can be one of them. Hopefully, someone who visits the post will not only encourage her, but her story will encourage a reader in the future that prodromal labor is not all for nothing.

I hope she updates when she gives birth, and I'll link from here.

*Updated to add: Natasha had her twins via c-section on the 17th! Read here about "the twizzlers'" arrival and Natasha's coming to terms with a surgery she didn't want.

U.S. Prematurity and Antibiotics (unrelated to one another)

2010-11-17T19:56:00.001-07:00

Thanks to my news-surfing hubby:

Premature Births: U.S. gets a failing grade (New Mexico earns a D!)

http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2010/11/17/u-s-earns-d-for-premature-births/?hpt=T2

This article has a link to the March of Dimes where you can see a map of the US and how all the States measure up. Take a look. I was surprised at how many states got an F.

Ear Infections and Antibiotics:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/16/antibiotics.ear.infections/index.html?hpt=T2

Good to know my kids’ pediatrician is ahead of the game here, by reserving antibiotics for when they are truly necessary (which has been once so far).

Here’s a bonus link about breastfeeding moms and sleep from a few days ago (courtesy of my local La Leche League!):

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE6A84EF20101109

When Montgomery-Downs and her colleagues asked 80 new mothers to report how often they woke up and how rested they felt, and to wear sensors that measured how long and efficiently they slept, they found no significant differences between those who relied on breastfeeding, formula, or both. They report their findings in the journal Pediatrics.”

More on Birthing Sounds

2010-10-12T21:39:00.001-06:00

Some comments to one of my recent posts made this link seem just the thing for diferentiating helpful v. not helpful birthing sounds. (This link comes compliments of a fellow Bradley instructor on the teacher forums. . . which, by the way, have been a-buzzin' lately. . . I hope to be free to write about this soon!)

If I Were Truly "On" Face Book, I'd "Like" This

2010-09-29T16:48:00.001-06:00

Sarah, from here, said this:

Many people are vaguely aware that "too many cesareans are being done," but they are unaware of the cause-and-effect that lead to preventable cesareans and other interventions. I know this because almost every woman who has had a cesarean, thinks that *her* cesarean was necessary/life-saving/not preventable. Statistically, over half a million preventable cesareans are performed annually in the US, so SOMEBODY'S cesarean was preventable.

(Contented sigh as I revel in reading the thoughts of others that validate my own. Someone else said it. I can't be that crazy. :)

The Price of Natural Childbirth

2010-09-29T01:39:00.003-06:00

This post is for CM, MB and CC; friends who have recently given birth naturally. They made it look easy. But it wasn’t. It just appeared that way. If you can relate, this post is for you, too.

Lately, I’ve been directed to some YouTube birth videos. The kind where the woman is screaming or, at the very least, protesting each contraction. She’s in pain. It’s more than obvious. The comments that follow the video are sympathetic. The woman is commended for having gone through the horrific experience.
One of my fellow teacher’s comments (about one of these videos) on our teacher forums got me thinking. She’d posted the link along with the phrase: “NOT a Bradley mom!” After watching only seconds of the video of this woman in early labor, I smiled at the validation that for once, someone else had the same perspective.

What’s your perspective? Let me give you two examples.

Example one: A contraction hits Mom; she writhes in pain. Her face contorts. Her hands grasp the bed sheets. She screams. She thrashes. It is clear to any observer: she’s in agony.

Example two: Mom has a contraction. She breathes deeply; sighs. Her sounds are low. She sways. Her face is relaxed and peaceful. It isn’t apparent that she’s experiencing difficulty. An onlooker may not even notice she’s contracting.

What is your first thought? (Believe it or not, your answer to this reveals a lot about your preconceptions about labor and birth.)

If you said that the second woman had a higher pain tolerance or an easy labor, you have the perspective of the majority of Americans.

If you said the first woman is having a harder labor, if you said she was experiencing more pain, you may be right. But not the way you might think.

I’ll give you my perspective: Mom #1 does not know (or is not proficient) in pain-reducing techniques. She is not aware that her pain is exacerbated by her behavior. She does not realize that position, tension, perceptions and expression can lend to more pain than she may otherwise have. She is experiencing unnecessary pain.

Mom #2 is well-versed in comfort measures for labor. She knows that doing all she can to get out of the way and allow her body to work unhindered will reduce her pain and finish the work ahead of her. She works with the pain she does experience, and she sees it as good: the baby is coming. Though her appearance is that of rest and tranquility, she is working. Hard. To relax.

This is how I see it. This is how my fellow teacher saw it.

This is not how the general public sees it.

A woman who wants to give birth naturally might want to consider what it will cost her. In order to assure the most success in her endeavor—indeed, the most enjoyment—she will need to give up her right to have a dramatic labor. The better a woman stays relaxed and tension-free, the more it will look like she’s not even in labor (that is, from the perspective of the untrained eye).

Unknowing friends and acquaintances will not recognize all the work that went into the birth. After the fact, whether her labor was long or short, word may get around that she just “showed up and had a baby.” Her providers may also be under this impression. Even her husband may not realize how hard she was working.
It may be assumed that she is just “tough.” Or worse, that she had it easy. After all, she wasn’t complaining. And she didn’t look that uncomfortable. It must have been easy for her. She must be one of the lucky ones.

The woman who gives birth under the honed skills of relaxation may be despised by onlookers, hearers and naysayers. She may reap the spite of other women; women will tell her they “hate her” for having an easy time of it.

Yes, natural, enjoyable birth has its asking price. A price that is worth the time and effort necessary (necessary for all but the smallest percentage of women), but a price, none-the-less. A woman would do well to consider and accept this likelihood when she starts on the path toward. . .

Enjoying birth.

Most woman can. Few desire it. Fewer succeed.

To my friends and loved ones who worked hard to prepare and educate yourselves for safe and satisfying births, I believe you. I believe it was hard work. I believe it wasn’t easy. Congratulations on making it look so easy that people assume it was.

10/12/10 Edited to add this awesome link on birth sounds.

When Labor Becomes Birth, I’ll Alter My Plans

2010-07-02T07:35:00.002-06:00

Though I have not been keeping an official record, prodromal labor continues. Over the past couple weeks, contractions are generally 10 or less minutes apart and about a minute long (some more, some less—again, not keeping an official record) about 3-5 days of the week. On the other days, ctx are more spaced out and may not be as strong. As a general rule, they’re about a minute long no matter what.
From Monday to Wednesday of last week, ctx were 10 min or less apart, day and night. Then I had a great break for Thursday (when I had arranged w/a friend to clean house). Ctx were present, but not as close or strong. I had another day or two of “the usual” ctx pattern after that.
This past Monday, ctx were spaced 10 minutes all day until around 7:30 p.m. to 1 a.m., where they were 2 minutes apart (1 min long). The next morning, they had tapered down in intensity and spacing.
Then, yesterday morning around 4 a.m., I began having ctx 2 minutes apart, one min. long, and very crampy. (Crampy ctx are not usual for me in this pregnancy like they were last time.) I was dreaming I was in labor and kept wondering why the contraction never ended. When I came out of the haze of half-sleep, I realized it was because there was only about a minute break between ctx. It just seemed like one ongoing contraction from my sleepy perspective.
Casey’s alarm went off a little after 5 a.m. and I told him what was going on. We decided he would stay home in case it turned into anything. At his prodding, I put my laptop down (was checking e-mail for 1/2 hour) and we took a nap after he read me a Psalm and prayed with me. Contractions continued 2 min apart and a minute long, and very strongly crampy. Baby was moving around a lot, too. Even so, we got some good rest until the girls awoke. Case went downstairs with them to give me a little more time to rest (because of heartburn the night before, I’d had about a 3-hour window of sleep before contractions awoke me in the morning).
Some time in that nap, the contractions really tapered off in intensity. By 9 a.m., they were back to my usual contractions—not as crampy. By 10, they were also not as close together. So Case headed off to work around 10:30, as my friends arrived to take the girls for a few hours (we’d arranged this last week) so I could get some organizing done around the house. In comparison to the early-morning contractions, I hardly noticed the ones I had the rest of the day. This is the pot-of-water in full effect. These contractions weren’t weak, they just weren’t as demanding as the others had been.
Late that afternoon, my midwives arrived for the home visit. They re-checked my blood, as last week, we discovered that I was anemic (crit level of 32. Twenty-five is when a transfusion is called for). No wonder I’ve been so tired! Since Saturday, when MW 2 called me, I’ve been taking 150 mg of iron 3x a day along with 500 mg vitamin C. I also upped the red raspberry leaf ratio in my pregnancy tea (doubled it) to help strengthen my uterus. I’m also taking black-strap molasses (ick) and chloroxygen (for better iron absorbtion). The only difficulty that has come of this is that it is best for me to take the iron on an empty stomach, but I can’t do an empty stomach for very long before getting nauseated, so I’ll try to wait an hour before eating or taking Tums (which is the only way I can keep from throwing up from the heartburn I get at night). We’ll know in a couple days what my iron levels are, and then we’ll discuss if it would be wise to give me a shot of Pitocin immediately after delivery.
Around 3 a.m. this morning, contractions again presented strong enough that I had to sleep between them. Crampiness wasn’t immediate, but rather built up. Something I noticed with the few contractions I actually timed is that only about half of the contraction is crampy (maybe till the peak—about 1 minute), and the rest is just the usual rock-hard belly contracting. So, they’re longer (2 min long) but only half is really strong. And this morning, ctx are between 4 and 7 min. apart, so they don’t seem as bad because of the break in between.
True to the frog-in-the-pot-of-water perspective, this time, I told Case to go ahead into work—I’d call if things picked up or changed. I am also planning to continue with today’s commitments: a friend from church is having the girls and I as well as another woman and her children over for lunch. They live about 1/2 hour away. I figure if I get too uncomfortable, we’ll head home, and if things get really crazy, I’ll call Case and ask him and the midwives to meet us there. I’m not going to cancel my plans every day for the next week or more until contractions turn into birth. It truly messes with the mind to sit around waiting to see if contractions will continue/intensify/close in. Not going to do it.

*Update: the next day, I posted this on my other blog.

Officially Affiliated

2010-07-02T06:37:00.001-06:00

After nearly two months since I sent in my final examination, I heard from AAHCC that I passed and am now a fully affiliated instructor for the Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth (R). I heard from one of my fellow instructors that she’d also just been told she passed, and she had to wait three months! Crazy.

We’re waiting to see what life is like with a fourth child before committing to teaching the next series, but the plan is to not teach another one until at least September and possibly January of 2011. Even so, it is a huge relief to know we’ve gotten this far, and the timing could not be better. I’m so glad Casey encouraged me to get certified when he did. Otherwise, we’d have found many reasons not to do it, and I’m pretty sure I would not have attempted to go through the year-long process with four little ones. So glad that part’s over. Mosey on over to the Academy’s horrendously outdated website for a peek at our “official” web page (ugh).

Bradley Final: One Step Closer to the End!

2010-04-22T22:02:00.003-06:00

This afternoon, the girls and I made our once-every-few-months pilgrimage to the post office, where (among other things) I sent my final exam off to CA for the powers that be to grade. Finished all 21 pages of it this morning at 2:30 a.m. and mailed it off as soon as we could get out the door today (2 hours to do so--why we only make it to the P.O. every few months--so many things to mail, and none of them ready).

Bradley gives a month to complete the exam, and today marks exactly one month since they sent it to me. I probably could have waited a few more days, but I wanted this thing DONE. Every evening that I haven't worked on it has been not-as-enjoyable because I am putting it off.

For the first few weeks I had it, I barely did anything with it. I seriously found it intimidating. Nine sections, seven of which have 10 or more essay questions each, the eighth section being 88 vocabulary words needing definitions (I've always been bad at defining words). The final section was possibly the easiest. A few weeks ago, I sat down to do the first few essay questions and got really bogged down. It was another week or more before I picked it up again. Those first four sections probably took me 1 1/2 to 2 hours each to complete. As I got more into it, it went faster, and last night, I believe I completed the last 3 sections, plus did proof-reading and formatting for the whole thing in about 5 hours (had to wait till class was over, so it extended into the morning).
Total time put in is probably 15 to 20 hours. One thing that helped immensely is that I called to clarify a few things and found out something that really took the pressure off. See, the beginning of the exam has a part where you have to sign and say on the honor system that you had no help from anything (book, person, whatever) in completing the exam. I found this confusing, because in the couple times that I had taken up the exam to complete another portion, I found that I could answer some of the previous questions I had already answered, either better or with more clarification. I knew this had to be because of something I'd read in the teacher's manual, student workbook or another book I'd read since I'd last picked up the exam, so I wasn't sure how I should answer these questions, because at some point, I had learned MOST of the stuff I was answering FROM A BOOK! (Yes, I am a very literal person, if you do not already know.)

So I wondered how they could both allow me a whole month to complete the exam (assuming that I am working on it little by little) yet not have any "help" from learning or being reminded of anything in that time. Let me be clear: I did not think that I was allowed to sit down with the exam and have a book with me to reference as I answered questions, or google something whilst I typed away in Word, but it seemed hazy as to what I wasn't allowed to do. I knew it needed to be my answers, but many of my answers are not truly "mine" because I've reviewed the material so much by now. My impression from some of the message boards I'd read is that most people went through and answered all the questions they could answer easily and then came back to the harder stuff later. I assumed this was because they needed to do a little more research on those topics, etc. It sounded like a reasonable plan to me, until I experienced what it meant to come back to the questions after some time away. It quickly overwhelmed me.

Since every time I came back to the exam, I felt like I had a better understanding of many questions I had previously answered (and that without purposely going to do research on those questions), I began to feel VERY overwhelmed with how thorough and detailed I could be with this exam.

Last week, I ran into a question on which I needed clarification: wasn't too sure what they were asking. So I called and while I was asking, I clarified what exactly the honor system required. She explained that I was not allowed to go look something up specifically, even if I knew where to find the answer. However, she said they could not stop me from teaching my series while I completed the exam, and if I came across things in preparing for classes, I was welcome to use the information I'd read. Is it me, or is that a little confusing? I would never have assumed such a thing. Seems like splitting hairs to me. It did help clarify my predicament: the things that I'd had a hazy answer for almost jumped out at me when I would prepare for classes. Not that I'd gone and researched something specifically, but in my "research" (yes, I do that for every class I teach) of what I was to teach that week, I found a great deal of info. that I would not have paid as much attention to if I had not remembered a question on the exam to which it spoke. And it just kinda felt like cheating.

But anyway, I was very comforted to know that they did not necessarily expect me to have a thorough or detailed answer for every question. They wanted me to answer from what is in my head, without ruling out that new things can come in there if I am currently teaching/learning more about birth (yet not because I'm studying for the exam--it really gets into motives, doesn't it? Eesh. Too hazy for me.). This greatly helped my anxiety about answering questions: I was expected to answer them to the best of my ability NOW. I was not expected to kill myself "finding" the answers, nor to limit my answers if I HAD learned more (inadvertently, that is, and that is KEY to taking the pressure off). When I hung up, I tried to wrap my mind around what the honor system required of me. I decided to treat the exam like a student that I would only have for one week, and would never have contact with again: they only get what I know off the top of my head. I do not have the luxury of saying, "Let me look into that and get back with you." (Thank God--I cannot imagine how many pages the exam would've ended up being if I were allowed/expected to do that.)

As it turned out, I think I may have come back and answered ten or less questions with more clarification or detail than I had before (usually after preparing for or teaching another class!). And here I had wanted to put off finishing the exam because I wanted to "learn" all I could before I answered all those questions. Who knew I was allowed to learn along the way?

Glad it's done. What a relief. And last night marked the half-way point in our current series. It's going well. Have 2 great students. We had one other student, but it just wasn't working for her to come to class, as her husband was not able to attend with her, and often needed her to help him with his commitments on class night. I'm bummed we couldn't have found a night that worked well for all four of us. It would have been great to have them in class, too.

Both students from last series have now given birth, and both without medication (and from what they've expressed to me, happily so!). I'm glad they're pleased, and proud of them for preparing for an unmedicated birth. Doing so is no small task.

God willing, in another 6 weeks I will have completed all the requirements to wrap up my provisional affiliation w/Bradley. I'm so excited to have come this far! God has been so faithful to bring us to this point.

I Promised You Crazy

2010-04-19T11:26:00.002-06:00

Here is a little about what's been going on pregnancy-wise around here.

Want to Read Another Prodromal Experience from the Laboring Woman's Perspective?

2010-04-15T10:10:00.007-06:00

Lynsie linked to this blog as she was (possibly is still?) in the middle of a prodromal pattern of labor a couple weeks ago. I like to divide prodromal labor into two categories--one that takes breaks (and can last weeks--perhaps 5-6 hours or a whole day/night, then not picking up like that again for another day or two), and the other that continues uninterrupted until baby is born (and lasts a couple days or more). It appears that what she experienced is the first pattern--and my favorite, personally!

In her post, she mentions that she's found it a comfort to read my experiences w/this type of labor, and that is exactly why I started this blog. There are too many women who come out of this pattern with no validation for what they've experienced, and from my perspective, it can create a very lonely--even crazy feeling. (More on feeling crazy later--have I got a story for you! I can hardly wait to tell it!)

So, if you are a woman who has stumbled upon this blog because you, too, are experiencing something that you cannot find in printed material or haven't had satisfactory answers from your provider, doula or childbirth educator (there are many who are either not aware it exists or have misconceptions about it), you may find comfort in hopping over to Lynsie's post, Diary of a Laboring Woman. She gives some good detail--helpful for those of us who search for things based on "sypmtoms." You may find her experience to be for you what mine was for her--comforting.

Go check it out. I do hope she posts about how it went!

Checking In. . .

2010-04-14T00:24:00.000-06:00

In case you're curious, my belly's over here.

Contracting vs. Not Contracting: A Visual

2010-02-27T13:57:00.006-07:00

This was my belly a little over a week ago, at 19.5 weeks, not contracting.

The shape of my belly changes as I have a contraction.

As pregnancy progresses, some contractions become so obvious that even outsiders can tell a difference. A couple years ago, when I was 35 weeks with Haley, I was at a scrap-booking event with a friend. As a contraction began (they were about 10 minutes apart and very strong that day), I sat back in my chair and rested a moment. A couple ladies across the way (about 10 feet away) looked at my belly and asked, "Are you having a contraction? . . . Because your belly looks really odd." It did. It was contorted and almost boxy--like my uterus had corners to it! I have no idea what was going on during that contraction, but I sure wished I'd brought my camera!

20 Weeks, Contracting Regularly

2010-02-23T22:53:00.003-07:00

Before I get into last night's events, I want to disclose a few things: I am not a clock-watcher. The reason I know so well the timing of last night's episode has to do with the fact that I was near a clock all evening and could not help but notice that contractions were coming very close together (verifiable by glancing at said clock). I had only to set my eyes in a particular direction to see what time it was in each room I found myself (and for the bath, I could also note the length of contractions, since that clock also had a second hand).

I would/do not advocate that every woman time every contraction that ever happens, nor do I do this myself. However, my researchy side has found that sometimes this is the only way for people to acknowledge that these kind of things actually do happen--they are not just impressions. Actual times can be noted. Several things that I have experienced contraction-wise in pregnancy and labor are so far from textbook that I find the in-the-textbook-box thinkers quite annoying at times.

It can be very discouraging to go through a non-textbook experience and have it discounted or explained away by these people. I recall being in a room full of women a few months ago, listening to a woman who has probably witnessed a few hundred births (if not more) and should know better, defining prodromal labor as contractions that a woman experiences that are only a few seconds long, but "mom" has the impression that she is in labor, when a more objective viewer can clearly see that she is simply paying attention too soon (another way to say prodromal labor is not real). While I do not doubt that this scenario is possible, I did not appreciate that she failed to acknowledge the fact that women do indeed have long, strong and close-together contractons for days at a time that very much fit the description of true labor contractions. What was made clear in her description was that she herself had not ever labored this way, and had probably not seen much of it either.

I hope to expound on a few of my "researchy" ideas in this pregnancy, but I need to talk with my midwives first, so for now, here's what began at 5 p.m. yesterday despite being well-rested, eating and snacking, drinking 64 ounces of water, emptying my bladder often and soaking in a warm tub of water:

Monday marked the completion of my 20th week of pregnancy. My body celebrated by contracting every 2 minutes for seven-plus hours. And that quite unexplainably, as they started about an hour after my waking from a 2-hr nap, while I was preparing dinner (and snacking on avocado, cheese, carrot, ham, etc.) and drinking water. In the beginning, it made a little sense that I was experiencing contractions at that moment (empty stomach, a while since I'd hydrated myself, etc.), but they didn't change after having 2 (16 oz) glasses of water and plenty of dinner. So far in this pregnancy, two-minute-apart contractions are not something I have experienced yet (at least that I have noticed).

My usual pregnancy/labor contractions are not very "regular" in the truest sense. Generally, the only way I have "regular" contractions is by grouping them in a window (say, 3-5 minutes apart), but last night, they were right. on. the dot. As one would start, I'd look at the clock on the stove and, sure enough, 2 minutes had gone by. I would feel another one coming on and could be certain that if I looked up again, I would see another even number.

After eating dinner, cleaning up and putting the girls to bed, Case and I sat down for the next few hours and checked e-mail and read up on a few things. I had another couple (16 oz) glasses of water. Yet the contractions did not budge a bit.

By 11:30, Case had gone to bed. I was still contracting, and not in a going-to-bed mood, as they were still very close and I didn't think I could sleep until they either slowed or calmed down, intensity-wise (not that most of them were intense--once-in-a-while I would feel a distinct down-low "opening" feeling at the contraction's peak, but otherwise, they were just noticeable, with a discernable start, peak, and decline).

So, I drew a bath, had another glass of water and a snack, and had a very short let-up timing-wise: Two contractions were 5 min. apart (about 30 seconds long), but then the next one was 4 min. (30 seconds again), the next 3 (45 seconds), and after those 4 contractions, they settled back into 2 min apart again, 45-50 seconds long for the duration of the bath. Around 12:40, I decided that I had exhausted all the things I could think of to slow/stop contractions, and I lay down to try to get some sleep.

It was a little difficult to fall asleep, as I could feel my belly dig into the mattress (I was on my side) every couple minutes. Hard to get past the distraction of my body working while I wanted to sleep. However, it wasn't more than 20 minutes before I was able to drift off, and they did not wake me through the night. In the morning, I awoke to contractions 15 minutes apart, and that was a good discovery.

Today was very busy, and I didn't notice another pattern of close-together contractions, so that is encouraging. It is not that I worry about these episodes--this is how my body gears up for giving birth. This kind of thing is nothing new to my pregnancies, and I haven't yet had the fear that I'm in pre-term labor.

This is the irony of my body doing automatically what my mind would never choose to do: if it were up to my mind, I don't believe I would have even one contraction until birth day. I am a procrastinator and have never been very motivated to practice or even begin something until it is just about due, be it a writing assignment or a baby's birth!

So, it is not that I worry when this kind of thing happens. However, having too many spells like this can have a frustrating effect, so I am grateful that today was not a continuation of yesterday's weirdness. This pregnancy, I am purposing to have a better attitude, should that kind of thing happen. My tendency is to become annoyed, and I want to instead welcome whatever happens, and follow Philippians 2:14 better by not grumbling or disputing. I did this too much with my second pregnancy, and fell into complaining about seemingly needless contractions now and then with my 3rd as well. So, this time even more, I'd like to be really mindful of my mental/emotional state within the physical state of unexplainable contractions and remain postitive.

WhooHooo! First Series is O V E R

2010-01-25T21:39:00.005-07:00

Last Tuesday, I wrapped up my first 12-week series of Bradley classes. Though this has been a harrowing 12 weeks, I am really surprised to find on this end that it went SO fast.

I heard from the Academy today that my first provisional series has processed and been accepted, which is a relief, since I had heard of a few other provisional teachers who are still provisional even after teaching four series. It made me wonder: "Am I not taking this seriously enough?" So I asked and they said I "did a good job" with my series.

This I find a little funny, because though I have filled out an evaluation form after teaching each class, there really is no way for them to know if I'm doing well or not. From my perspective, I think it went fairly well for it being my first time through the material in a teaching role and my first time teaching, period and, well, I hate to say it, but this played a huge role in how it went: me being in my first trimester for most of the series. Yes, I do believe I could have done better, yet I do not think I did a bad job or a disservice to my students because of the pregnancy.

There were challenges, to be sure. And I had to tweak things so that my feedback from the Academy was generally good. Still very much believe what I've said in the past: this company does not have good business sense. So many things could be done better, and you'd think they'd have this running like a well-oiled machine after all these years, but not so much.

Casey taught with me most classes. By "taught" I should clarify that he was present and free to interject at any time, which was mostly in regard to his perspective as a coach. I found his presense to be very helpful on several levels. Though it worked well in this particular class for him to be there for most classes, and I really believe it is great to have a couple teach together, I don't think I can expect this for every series. After all, he is my childcare, and it is a lot to ask for him to set aside one evening a week to be there. He just doesn't have the kind of passion for birth that I do :). (Though some may argue this point, because he is more passionate than most men would be, since he knows more than most women do about birth.) I think we'll settle on him being in class for specific times where coaches can do Q&A, etc.

So glad to be done with this series, and excited about my students' upcoming births.

Next series will begin on Feb. 23 (Ed note: changed the start date to 3/17). I need to get going on advertising. Didn't do a bit of it last class, but I feel comfortable "promoting" my classes now that I'm not so much a newbie.

Contraction at 12 Weeks

2010-01-16T21:49:00.002-07:00

Early on in my four pregnancies, I always intend to take pictures of my very small uterus showing itself as I lay on my back. I think I may have accomplished this with Ruby, my first pregnancy, but otherwise, the weeks come and go with me thinking first thing in the morning, "I wish I had the camera right now." I have a few things to thank for this fascinatingly obvious baby bump (it's all uterus) so early on: 1) It is morning, and my bladder is full and 2) I am having a contraction.

I finally brought the camera by my bedside so I could take this pic in the morning, because it had been several weeks that my pregnancy was noticeable in this posture (as opposed to the other weeks--er--months that standing up, I have a belly, but it is most definitely mine).

Contractions started with this pregnancy toward the end of my sixth week. About the same time as they did last pregnancy. My latest-arriving Braxton-Hicks (B.H.) were with my second pregnancy, at about 14 weeks. They arrived before 12 weeks with my first, but I didn't take note of exactly when, because I didn't know it was "not supposed to happen." (Or, by many professionals, "DOESN'T happen." Ha! Where do they get this stuff?)

Differences with this pregnancy include that my B.H. have been ever-present, yes, but not incredibly bothersome. I can tell when I'm having one, but it doesn't usually hurt (annoying at times, yes). And I have only had a few truly "crampy" days, when the contractions felt menstrual-like and late-labor-ish. These days were clustered right around the time the contractions presented: at six and seven weeks. Another nice thing is that I have not spotted once in this pregnancy, and that is a first. Something for which I'm very grateful is the fact that my back does not constantly ache like it did even from the first weeks of my last pregnancy. I have a strong suspicion that the reason is that my abdominal muscles are stronger than they were in that pregnancy, since I had a few extra months "postpartum" to get back into shape (not that I did such a thing). It has been nice to not awaken to an already-aching back.

I am now almost 15 weeks into this journey. Not sure why, but my "first trimester" is extending into the second in the nausea/exhaustion department. Perhaps it is because my family and I have been battling sickness for over a month now (colds and whatnot). Maybe my body is trying to fight off/get better so much that it has no time to tend to other issues, like paying attention to what week it is :). The worst of it was the combination of nausea/gagging and profuse drainage (I know, TMI, but this whole post is pretty much TMI, so if you've gotten this far, are you actually surprised?). Drainage is no fun anyway, but I would not wish it on a first-trimester woman I didn't like.

Smells. . . in the first trimester, these can be very tricky to deal with. Not just bad ones, but overly "good" ones can be so sickening. My friend recently told me how she got sick of the smell of lavender after making a bunch of sachets as gifts during her first trimester. This pregnancy, the worst "good" smell has got to be our fabric softener. It makes me gag. I've noticed that I'll choose my or my children's clothing for the day based on the fact that it's not fresh out of the laundry, which is a challenge, since nowadays I do not have much in the way of clothing options, and almost all my options have been recently washed.

On to brighter things: despite how it looks in the above photo, I am still able to sleep on my stomach, and I am drinking up the nights where I still have every option open to me: Left side? yes. Right side? Well, okay. Back? Indeed. Stomach? Oh, yes, please! It has to be annoying for anyone who likes all their options--pregnancy is a sacrifice of comfort in many areas. I remember in my past postpartum recoveries, being more than happy to lie on my tummy to help the involution of my uterus (Here's a bonus tidbit: my home-birth midwives do not mash on my stomach after delivery. They take the far-gentler approach of assigning sessions of tummy-lying in the days after birth, for which I am grateful, because tummy-mashing hurts like the dickens.) My stomach-sleeping window is closing quickly. I will miss you, my comfortable friend, but look forward to when we will meet again in 6 months!

Okay, since I'm getting all my frivolous little complaints out there, I will also mention a question that has perplexed me for the last 3 pregnancies. No, not, "Why does my body have to gain weight there when I'm pregnant?" (Seriously, what do those parts have to do with carrying a baby?). The question of "Why, if I will not be giving birth for the next six months, does my pelvis have to get all loosey-goosey now?"

I would say it happened overnight, because that is how suddenly it came on, but it was even more suddenly. At 13 weeks, 2 days, I sat down to rest one afternoon and got up with that "splitting chicken" feeling, and it has been with me ever since. I do not have to describe this to most pregnant women, I'm sure, especially ones who have had more than one baby, but for those who have yet to experience this, picture for a moment that you have no legs, and someone has attached ropes to the bottom of your hip bones, and has given these ropes to opposing teams in a tug-of-war match.

That is the feeling to which I refer, and it limits one's ability to move about as lightly and gracefully as she once did (Mmm-hmm:). Small things become extremely painful. Have you ever used your foot/leg to scoot something that was a little too heavy to lift? That's out. Big steps? That's out. Letting your toddler sit on your foot and gallop away on her horsey? Definitely out. Walking like a normal person? That's out. (But try to anyway, so people won't laugh at you.)

I'm getting all my "pregnancy" stuff out in this post. Haley is still nursing, but quickly losing interest. I cannot say I am disappointed. Ruby's (understandably, my first) pregnancy is the only one in which I have not nursed for at least some time. (I have logged in about a year's worth of nursing-while-prego at this writing.)

Many people think you can't or shouldn't nurse while pregnant. It isn't so much that you can't as much as it isn't very appealing to the mom-to-be to have all this stuff going on inside her body and to also then subject her body to more "abuse" on the outside. But, since my children have all been relatively young when I have gotten prego again, I have not felt right about weaning them. So, they nurse until they are no longer interested. (And that has never been five years so far--thankfully!)

Haley is now almost 20 months, which is exciting to me, because I've never nursed a baby so long before! Ruby quit around 14 months and Claire was about 16-17 months. Ruby was my earliest to wean, but, because of her closeness to Claire, was the one who nursed the farthest into pregnancy--six months. I was glad when she decided she was done, because I was getting tired of being kicked from the outside and the inside at the same time. I was caught in the middle of already-developing sibling rivalry, and more than happy to be rid of the whole business. Claire nursed the shortest time into pregnancy, at about 2-3 months. That was also welcome, because the first trimester demands so much of a body anyway . . .

So, whenever Haley is ready to give it up, I will sigh with relief and a sweet sadness of that phase with her passing, but no real grief. Breastfeeding is a blessing, and I absolutely would not consider not doing it, but there are many things about it that I do not miss when it is over. I've mentioned before that I am not one of those who just loves breastfeeding (except the fact that God is so good to make such a wonderful system of nourishing a baby--I am thankful for His provision in this), and though I am committed to it as long as my babies are interested, I am NOT a big fan of breastfeeding, personally. It is great, and it is best, and I do . . . not. . . like it.

Casey and I are getting more and more used to the idea of having four little pairs of pitter-pattering feet, and I would have to say that even though I would not describe myself as "excited" in the truest sense, I am very happy and okay with the idea of welcoming another child, and plan toward it and think of it often.

I am excited about the birth of this baby, and that probably makes me a real weirdo among women, but I can truly say that. Birth is something wonderful and special and though it happens all the time all over the world, I will only do it a select amount of times, and I am so glad I get to do it again! I can't hardly wait to see how this labor and birth will go. Very exciting!

Prodromal Labor, from a Doula’s Perspective

2010-01-14T21:44:00.002-07:00

Rachel is a friend of mine through blogging. She is a doula in Alabama. Recently, she attended a prodromal birth. I asked if I could post her story—along with any thoughts she had as a doula on what may have been helpful or otherwise. Many women having prodromal labor make the same mistake: that of trying to get labor going early-on. This works fine if you go on to have an 8 hour labor, but there is no telling how long your labor will be, so take it from someone who just witnessed how things go when you choose that route: if you find yourself in early labor, don't get too excited or try to make things move along faster. (Especially if it is bedtime! Prodromal labor is notorious for kicking in at night.) Take labor as it comes. It will not leave you behind.

Here is Rachel's story:

I originally wrote this as a "facts only" birth story. But for those interested from learning from this experience I have added my opinions in blue.

(*I will make this a condensed version of this birth story*)

Amanda started ctx-ing a week before her due date. Thinking that it was time, she and Brian headed to the hotel. Yes, hotel. They live further out of town and were about a 45 minute drive from the hospital so they went to a fancy hotel about three minutes away from their hospital to ensure comfort as well as being able to wait until the last possible minute to head to the hospital. Really, really long story short. Amanda would get consistent, intense contractions for a few hours and then just stop. Oddly enough, once I would get to the hotel to check on her, she would putter out. Thankfully, she says it was because I made her too relaxed. ha. Good problem, I guess. (I had suggested to Amanda while she was still at home to try and lie down to see if the ctx's would stop, thus showing us if it was active labor or not. She was convinced that labor has to be "helped" along with constant movement, so she never laid down. Thus the frustration when she got to the hotel and I got her to lie down...they stopped. Please understand that real labor will continue whether or not you lie down or stand on your head.)

She did this for 44 hours. Off and on ctx's that were intense and longer than a minute, 3-5 minutes apart. When the last time that I went to check on her came around... (around 2 am) I went to the hotel and the ctx's were more intense and all we could judge, consistent. (Because they continued as she was in a side lying position for several hours). After about 4 hours mom was complaining of pressure and felt it was time to head to the hospital. (The ctx's were off and on longer than a minute, but that part wasn't consistent. I made the mistake of telling mom what we were looking for as our sign to head to hospital. Please note fellow doulas: do not tell a laboring mom what you are "looking for" when trying to determine her progress. The mind is a powerful thing and if you tell her you are waiting for her to feel pressure, her mind will tell her she is having pressure, no matter how slight the pressure is. I felt it was still too early to head to the hospital, but because she started complaining of pressure, we had to go to be on the safe side).

Once we got there she was 4cm, 80% effaced, -2 station. I had told her not to get discouraged no matter what we found out at the hospital, but it was hard not to, only because I agreed we should go because she said she had "pressure." But at -2, and water still intact, I'm not sure what pressure she was feeling. (Exactly why you don't tell the mom what you are looking for. It's not that mom wanted to head to the hospital that early, rather she just wants to believe it is going faster than it may be at that time. And for whatever reason, lots of moms believe that just being at the hospital will make it all "go faster." That is no guarantee.) Either way, anything we can do at the hotel, we can do at the hospital. Her doc was AMAZING and fully prepared to let her do whatever she wanted and even to leave her alone. Because mom was exhausted from 44 hours of prodromal and 4 hours of active labor, she needed some rest. However, Amanda is a eh hem… stubborn woman. ;-P (Again, we were constantly battling this false belief that you have to help a labor along. Nothing could be further from the truth. When dealing with a long labor you must REST. As in, get in a side lying position and get your full "break" in between contractions. But Amanda did not see the benefit in that and therefore wore herself out completely.)

After several hours of the same thing… (*again, condensing things*) It took another six hours to go one cm… and then another four hours to go one more cm. In that time, mom was giving up. She was exhausted. And I knew that without some rest, she would not make it to an unmedicated birth. After phoning a doula friend who suggested (thank you Virginia.. yes like a game show, "phone a friend") we get mom some narcotic (I would not recommend this for the average long birth. In this case I believe it was necessary only because mom refused to get rest on her own. It was for the purpose of slowing things down so that she could get some rest in between ctx's. This worked like a magic show... she rested for about an hour and a half...as her ctx's slowed to more than 10 minutes apart. Once the meds wore off, she was renewed mentally and physically, enough to endure what would be the last two hours of her labor. However, the same thing could have been accomplished without the narcotics if she would have rested long before this point.)

After an hour of walking and pacing, she was checked and found to be at 6cm's. However, she felt discouraged and was ready for the epidural. (*I think it is important to note something here. After the birth was over, Brian informed me of something that I was clueless about. He and Amanda made an agreement before the labor ever started that if Amanda wanted the epidural at any point, he would support her. This is important to note because in my opinion if you are planning on that option at any point, you WILL get that epidural. It also would have changed whether I would have taken them as clients. Meaning, I would have been able to explain my philosophy on the issue and suggested that they consider NOT hiring a doula. This is an issue of philosophy of labor. Because the mind is a powerful thing, if you give your mind an "out" it will take that "out." I wholeheartedly believe, also, that her decision to put the epidural in play affected her labor. She never fully embraced her labor as what it would take to have her baby. I think because she never fully embraced what one friend calls, "labor-land," her body responded with a fight... taking 10 hours to go 2 cm's. Yes, I believe that is connected to her mental/emotional acceptance of "other options" with the epidural).

After much back and forth with the two of them, I conceded (*keep in mind, I knew nothing of their agreement, only that I had told them I would use every resource available to move away from an epidural because that is what they communicated to me that they wanted. I was done trying to convince them of something that we were all originally on the same page with, so I thought). The nurse was to call for the epi but the doc was stuck in a c-section and Amanda would have to wait. So as we are dealing with each ctx… she has a big one and then has a good amount of discharge on the floor during the ctx. At this point… we get her in the bed to get some narcotic until the epidural can be done. At that moment, her water breaks (on its own), she has her narcotic and immediately her ctx's hit 2 min apart, 90 seconds in length. I pull Brian aside and say, "I know she wants an epi… but I believe all of these things are pointing to transition and I think very quickly you are about to hold your baby. If you can let me get her through each ctx, one at a time, I believe this birth can happen the way you guys originally wanted it."

He agreed to work with me until the epi arrived. About 20 minutes later, Amanda shot up and yelled, "RING OF FIRE." Surprised, I said, "okay honey… are you just feeling pressure?" to which she looked at me like I was crazy and said, "NO… ring of fire." So I took a peek and baby's head was definitely crowning. About 10 minutes later, Amanda had her sweet baby girl.

No epidural. And even though they had their agreement… they both assured me that they were glad that I persisted like I did and that she "went all the way." (However, honestly, had I known about the agreement, I would not have persisted.) Later the next day she told me how wonderful she felt and how happy she was that it went the way it did.. except for the whole "length of labor thing." ha! I don't blame her. (But let me be clear. I define a natural birth as one that you embrace even if it is long, and you do what your body needs. You have to be mentally prepared that things don't always go the way you expect them to or that they will be anything like they were in your other births. If you are trying to do things based on misinformation and not taking the advice of your doula, you may want to reconsider why you want a 'natural birth' to begin with. Otherwise, it may just mean that you want an unmedicated birth but not a natural one.).

Our First Series is in Full Swing!

2009-11-07T00:17:00.003-07:00

Looking at my last post, I realize I need to post all the great suggestions I got from people on what makes a good Bradley teacher.

But that will have to wait. I'm just here to give an update on how our Bradley series is going. We are two weeks into the twelve-week series. Casey is teaching with me (we had not planned to do that every time, but it has worked out well, and I really think he adds a dimension that is helpful for the coaches, so we'll probably stick with it).

We have 2 couples for this first class, and though we are allowed to have four times that amount, I am so grateful to have ANYONE at all! It is my goal to transfer information and confidence enough that our students will finish the series ready to take on the challenge of giving birth naturally and glad that they took the class.

So far, the classes have gone well. I could stand to be a little better at teaching, but that will come with time and familiarity with the lesson plans. Between preparing the lessons and doing the evaluations after class, I feel as though I am not doing much besides Bradley and my usual duties during the week (which I'm not saying is small--just that I'm not finding time for much outside that). One of my biggest struggles is that there is no way I can fit the entirity of the lesson in two hours, and it is hard to decide exactly what topics I should try to cover in more detail. It's all important stuff, but it's very important that we stay punctual. After all, these are prego women and their hubbies on a work night.

One fortunate side effect of having these weekly classes is that our home stays company-ready much better than when we were having people over less regularly. I have a feeling my hubby will become a big proponent of my teaching a series constantly throughout the year for this reason. He does love a clean house.

This week, we are looking at pregnancy, and it just so happens that I got my Birth Atlas and Growing Uterus Charts today. These will come in handy when talking about fertilization and the changes mom's body goes through in the months of pregnancy. I am so pleased with these charts. If you want a good deal on these things, contact me. I just saved $100 or more.

My pelvis should arrive by class 4 (also a great deal, as pelvises go), and I am excited to start using this priceless visual aid. I hope it will be a powerful tool to show the practicality behind things like not lying on your back in labor, that the bony structure is not a fixed unit, but a combination of bone and cartilage that moves and flexes, how walking helps open the inlet of the pelvis, and how changing position even in the pushing stage helps the baby make important turns and movements. The pelvis model helps me understand these things better, and I hope to use it often in class to demonstrate a host of things.

Bradley Students, I Need Your Help!

2009-10-17T16:09:00.002-06:00

My Bradley series will begin in a little over a week. So far, I have one couple signed up. It is not a big class, but I am NOT complaining--the other two provisional affiliates have less students than I do, so I am counting my blessings!

It is very important that I do my best in this endeavor of Bradley teaching. That's where I could use your help. I am mostly directing this question to people who have taken Bradley classes, but I am happy to take suggestions from anyone, if you are willing to make them!

Is there anything that stands out to you about the Bradley class(es) you took that you found very helpful or wish had been done differently? It could be about the class or the teacher(s).

My hope is that I can get a few suggestions to tweak my classes to be more and more helpful for my students. No detail is too small. Even if it is that the thermostat was too high, or the floor too hard.

Please comment! Your two cents are appreciated!

Bradley Class Starts Next Week

2009-10-11T07:00:00.002-06:00

I'm teaching the Bradley 12-week series beginning Tuesday, October 27th at 7 p.m. in my home.

Women who are due with a baby after mid-January are encouraged to enroll.

In an oversimplified nutshell, these classes will inform couples on such things as how birth works and how to work with it.

It is my firm belief that any woman (barring physical abnormality) can give birth naturally. Natural childbirth is not about being tough; it's about being educated, prepared and supported.

By attending this 12-week series and applying what is learned, students will have the tools they'll need in order to "give birth," rather than "be delivered."

Please contact me for more information or to enroll in the upcoming series.

The Trouble with Two Blogs

2009-09-15T14:43:00.000-06:00

I've posted a little about what I've been up to lately over here. Some of the stuff, though it is regarding birth, is also about my own personal thoughts and I didn't exactly know on which blog to put it. My most recent post has to do with breastfeeding, among other things.

If you're wondering why there's a lack of postage here on FrogBlog, this will give you an idea (scroll past the pictures to read the birth-related info.). Oh, and by the way, it isn't a pregnancy announcement. I should be a little more careful about how I word things.

As I typed this post, it became more and more clear that the remainder of it belonged on my other blog. So here's yet another link if you're interested in how my Bradley certification is going.

Apparently, my life does not so neatly dissect as I would like to think it does.

Prodromal Precipitous Birth

2009-07-20T07:49:00.009-06:00

Gloria Lemay has a post regarding a prodromal precipitous birth today. Though neither word is used in her post, they are both good descriptions of what went on. (Notice the mom mentioning she's been "doing this for weeks," then promptly giving birth within an hour of assuring Gloria that she's not having the baby.)

"What's that," You say? Can that be possible for the same birth to be described as both unusually long (prodromal) and very short (precipitous)? Yes! I've had two of them. My midwife charts my labors as two hours long, since for the births she has attended, that is when I have called her to come--when things have gotten so intense there is NO DOUBT we are not turning back this time: the baby is coming today. If I had more textbook labors (where close, strong, long and regular contractions didn't show up until birth day), I would be calling her much sooner.
The fact is that oftentimes in prodromal labor, a woman has been doing what she considers "the same thing" for so long that she may not realize the subtle changes (or there may not be any to notice) that have kicked her into active labor (not to mention that active labor can also stall and re-start hours and days later). It is in the nature of some prodromal births (where there is gradual and very subtle change) to not realize how close one is to delivery. This is the ultimate "frog in the pot of water" labor. By the time she realizes she really is having this baby, she's pretty much done.

If this interests and intrigues you, here's another post from another midwife in which she uses the term "precipitous" to describe one woman's 25-hour labor. It may be unusual, but this kind of labor does happen!

Another Outlet for My Passion on Natural Childbirth

2009-07-18T23:54:00.004-06:00

To say that I have a passion for natural childbirth is an understatement. My passion for natural childbirth (which I define as unmedicated and without the routine use of interventions) causes me to be so strongly opinionated that I simply must have an outlet!

That's where this blog comes in. I care for my family and friends enough to not want to rock the boat too much on this subject if it seems we are not on the same page. (My hubby is usually much more expressive of his opinions on birth than I am--he volunteers enough information for both of us. It tickles me how passionate he is.)Of course, I am more than happy to discuss the subject with anyone who genuinely wants to learn and asks me (and if you have done this, you have probably received much more than an earful--sorry).

However, I will not usually initiate much when it comes to a woman's (family, friend or acquaintance) pregnancy, except to ask who her provider is and where she will birth. This usually starts a conversation that does not necessarily include me sharing any of my opinions, though I may mention that I know someone who has used that provider, etc. Through just a couple simple questions, I am able to see a little of the woman's birth ideas. Sometimes, I will continue to ask questions to get a feel for what kind of philosophy she has regarding pregnancy and birth.

If she is cavalier, disinterested, ill-informed (and content to remain so) or in other ways seems to have an attitude of "I just do what the doctor tells me," I will often just leave the conversation at that. If she shows interest in learning all she can and researching her options and the benefits and risks that go with them, my side of the conversation may turn a little more into the information-giving kind, as opposed to just information-receiving. Again, those of you who have fallen into this category will probably note that it can turn into a whole-lotta information giving once I get going. (I am trying to regulate and express myself more via other means in order not to do this so much--see below!)

Yes, I am a strongly opinionated person when it comes to birth, and yet the majority of my casual friends or acquaintances have no idea my feelings on the issue. (In order to be perfectly honest, I should mention that this may have changed slightly in the past few months, as I have started the certification process to become a Bradley birth instructor, and have mentioned this to a few people, but even then, I haven't usually introduced the subject.)

Most people who are not close friends of mine have no idea that I have birthed three children naturally, very few know that I have birthed my last two babies at home, and even fewer know that I feel so passionately about the subject that I continue to read, research and study about it even when I am not pregnant. In fact, my husband is more than supportive of my pursuing certification as a Bradley Affiliate, since at least then I will have something to show for all the time I put into researching birth (besides my own satisfying birth experiences, which is worth it to me)!

When given the opportunity, I will not shy away from discussing the issue, but I work hard to get a feel for a woman's interest in informing herself before laying it all out there. In fact, most women will have to come out and ask me about my thoughts on birth. Sharing such things is rarely unsolicited. And when I am asked, it is not uncommon for me to give a bit of a warning on where I'm coming from (that I feel strongly and don't mind telling it like it is).

God willing, a few months from now, I will have another means of sharing the information I continue to learn on a daily basis. My excitement in becoming a birth instructor grows as I study and research more and more (yes, Casey, it is possible for me to research more!).

As to my specific birthing philosophy, I will need to do a whole other post to express the why of my passion. I don't believe in going natural for the usual and customary reasons (a women's rights issue or a get-in-touch-with-your-inner-animal idea, or to prove toughness or achieve a rite of passage, to name a few).

Baby Born to Exhausted, but Happy Mama!

2009-06-13T23:08:00.009-06:00

A while back, I asked a woman I'll call Elle if she would write out her birth story for my blog. I had been inspired by what little details I knew of her long and wonderful labor, and wanted to share another positive, hopeful prodromal birth story with my readers (i.e., prodromal birth is totally doable!).

I should mention that this woman and her husband had several things going for them, which contributed to her joyous completion of several days of labor with no pain meds and little intervention! Ladies, if she can do it (not a self-proclaimed "tough" person), you can, too! Elle and her hubby had taken thorough classes from an independent teacher (not a hospital--perhaps some day I will post on why this is important) that gave them many good tools for handling the labor she experienced. She had also chosen a midwife for her care, and I have to say, I was impressed that the medical staff encouraged her to go home several times, and that she was smart enough to do it!

Read on for a truly inspiring prodromal birth story! Oh, and of course, I LOVE how she starts it. Isn't that the truth about prodromal labor?!
___________________________________________________
“I’m not sure when I would say that I “went into labor.” I started having contractions on and off as early as 4 months pregnant. Sometimes I would have them for an hour or two coming as quickly as a couple minutes apart, but then they would stop. About two weeks before my due date, I decided to have my midwife check to see if I was dilated and I was 3cm dilated and 80% effaced and the baby’s head was at 0 station in my pelvis.

"Three days before I had the baby, I started having contractions again around 7PM. I was excited and hoping the contractions would stay this time, so I decided to march around the room to see if they would get stronger. The contractions started to get stronger and closer together, sometimes lasting a minute long and being about 3-4 mins apart. I knew I wanted to try to labor as long as I could at home before I went to the hospital, so I kept watching for the Emotional Sign Posts that we learned in Bradley Class. I still felt like I could pretty much talk through the contractions, so I knew I still had time. That night I woke up on and off with contractions.

"At one point I couldn’t sleep, more out of excitement that my contractions were lasting all night, and I decided to march around the living room some more. Our cats came down and sat on the stairs and watched me like I was crazy. The next day we decided to call my midwife to let her know I was still having contractions every 3-4 min and they were lasting about a minute each. Even though I didn’t feel like it was time yet, they asked me to come in to just be checked and see where I was at. I was about 4 cm dilated now. The midwife told me to go home and get in the bath tub to help me relax and let my body work. I was hungry though and we decided to stop at a local pizza place across the street from her office.

"We started out at a booth inside, but I was so hot from all the contractions I had to go outside in the winter air and cool off. So we ended up being the only people out on the patio. My husband said the people inside were watching and sort of smiling but concerned at the same time as he had to keep getting up and rubbing my back through the contractions. I got about half my slice down and then I just knew I had to get home so I could really relax. My husband ran inside and grabbed a box for the pizza and we took off.

"We ended up going to my mom’s house, which was a little closer to the hospital. The bath felt so good that I ended up staying in it for about 4 hours while my husband and mom took turns rubbing my back through each contraction. My contractions were just as strong and close together as earlier, but the water seemed to lighten the pressure from my back labor a bit. It also helped me rest and conserve some energy for later. Around 5 p.m., my family thought I should check in to the hospital. I didn’t really feel like it was time yet, but I agreed to go since I couldn’t talk during contractions anymore and I figured it must be soon.

"We stopped at a health food store for some popsicles and honey sticks. I had about two more contractions as I hurried through the store to get what I wanted. Then we met my dad who was just getting off work at a burger place to get some food for everyone. I was the one who wanted to go get food, but I ended up regretting the choice and just wanted to leave. We made it to the hospital around 6 p.m. and the midwife on call checked me and I was still only about 4-5 cm dilated and my contractions seemed to slow down a little while I was there. Both sides of the family had come to the hospital and now I was feeling bad like I needed to do something for them. We tried to walk around and see if they would pick up again, but they were only about 6 mins apart now.

"The midwife knew I wanted to try going natural so she said the best thing for me would be to go home and try to get some sleep so I would have energy in the morning to have the baby. So we ended up back at my mom’s house to spend the night. I’m not sure I got any sleep that night as my contractions started to get really strong and close together.

"At 4 a.m., I got back in the tub and my husband would “wake up” every 4 minutes and rub my back or feet. I’m not sure he really was awake: he started to fall into the tub once as he was rubbing my back! I stayed in the tub most of the morning so I could try to rest between the contractions to make up for the missed sleep the night before.

"About 10 a.m., we went outside in front of my mom’s house and walked around a bit. My contractions were getting very strong so we decided to call our midwife again. They were booked at the office, but were able to squeeze me in with one of the OBGYNs to see where I was at before we drove all the way downtown. I was now a good 5, maybe 6 cm and the OBGYN said he thought I would probably have the baby that night or early the next morning. He told me to go get something to eat and go check in the hospital whenever I felt ready.

"We decided to go back to my mom’s house one more time. I have low blood sugar, so I knew I wanted to get as much protein and energy in before I went to the hospital, where they have you stay on a liquid diet during labor. I went to lie down and read a Psalm as I tried to stay relaxed while my husband, mom and sister all ran around the kitchen trying to find foods that would be good for me. I could hear the excitement in their voices and sort of resented the fact that they were excited. I’m pretty hospital-phobic and by now I was starting to feel like it was too much for my body, I just felt like crying. But I was encouraged and reminded that God was going to give me strength.

"By the time they brought me food (around 4 p.m.) I knew it was time to go. I was in the serious stage sign post and I really wasn’t in the mood to eat, although I did force myself to eat a little since I knew I would have a blood sugar crash from not eating dinner. My mom drove us so that my husband could stay in the back and help me through contractions.

"We arrived at the hospital around 5 p.m. We checked into Triage where they got my IV ready for the antibiotic to kill the GBS [Group B Strep] that I had (which my husband and I now sort of regret accepting). The first IV the young nurse accidentally “Blew up my vein” she told me—a needle/blood-phobic person. My husband sort of whispered to her and told her not to talk out loud about it and tried to get her to fix it without letting me hear details so that I wouldn’t panic. Another girl came in to take a blood sample and then the young nurse came back and tried the IV again. My mom thought it looked funny and it felt weird to me, but the nurse assured us that it was right.

"She took us to our birthing room where I saw the most beautiful tub I’ve ever seen! I wanted to get in there right away, but the nurses wanted to get a dose of antibiotic in first. My mom and husband saw the little bed with the baby hat and blanket in it and were almost in tears with excitement that our baby would soon be here! I was excited too, but at that moment I just couldn’t look at it. I couldn’t think about anything else besides relaxing through the contractions.
"Well, it ended up that the IV wasn’t even in a vein and after almost getting a full bag of antibiotic fluids, we realized it was just going into my arm. My arm swelled to double its size and I realized I was trying to take deep relaxing breaths not for the contractions but because my arm was killing me. They brought in a good nurse who took out the bad IV. My veins were really constricted now so it took her two tries before she got a good one in. I was so thankful once the IV was in and it didn’t hurt anymore! I think the whole IV fiasco slowed me down a little, but they let me get into the wonderful tub and I stayed in there for quite awhile. I think I would have stayed there forever if they would have let me, but they encouraged me to try to get out for a little bit and move around to see if things would go faster.

"I loved the nurse and midwife I had that night! They just sat there with us in silence and let us relax. The midwife would rub my back or head to help me relax. Every once in a while she would give me suggestions for different laboring positions. I don’t really remember time periods anymore, but I know about 10 p.m., the midwife came in and checked me and I was about 7 cm dilated. She could tell I was getting really tired. She asked us if we would want her to break my bag of waters. At first I didn’t like that idea at all and wanted to experience it breaking on its own, but my husband and I talked and prayed and decided it would be good. So at around 10:30 p.m., they broke my water.

"Right away, I went into transition. I felt like I was on some kind of weird ride. It felt good to have the warm water empty out with each contraction, but it was also strange to feel so out of control of my body. I remember holding on to the bar of the bed and almost feeling like I was on some kind of swaying ship. I threw up once, but then felt fine in my stomach.

"Probably about an hour later I had an urge to push. I told the midwife and she checked me and said I was about 7-8 cm. She told me to make some grunting noises as if I was pushing to keep me from really pushing. It felt like only seconds later that I was telling them that my body was pushing and I didn’t know how to stop it.

"The midwife, who was about to leave, ran back to me and checked and said I was almost at 10cm. She told me I could start pushing with the contractions gently. Pushing felt so wonderful! My husband later told me he was sympathy pushing with me. :o) The midwife used her hand to help the cervix gently come over the baby’s head so that it didn’t tear. It felt a lot better once her head was past that point.

"The midwife asked me if I thought I could get up and sit on the toilet for awhile to push. I stayed there for about 3-4 contractions. We tried some squatting too, but after a little bit I was too tired and they had me sit up in the bed. They gave me some oxygen between pushes for extra energy. They also brought in the mirror for me so I could see my baby as she was crowning.

"I reached down and felt her head and saw the first little glimpses of her! They asked my husband if he would like to catch our baby. He looked a little unsure, but decided to do it. They told him to go wash up and get gloves on and right as he left the bed to do that I felt another pushing contraction and was a little worried he was going to miss it! But I still had a few to go.

"During the pushes I couldn’t seem to talk or look at anything. I felt this amazing rush of all my energy go into each push. At one point I tried to look as I pushed, but everything went black. I wasn’t scared though. It just felt so powerful and amazing! Birth really is such a miracle! After about an hour of pushing and 54 total hours of labor, our little girl was born at 1:05 AM January 16th, 2009. They placed her on my stomach and I looked down at her and she opened her eyes and looked up at me. It was love at first sight!"

How to Help a Laboring Woman--Suggestions from You

2009-05-08T23:16:00.001-06:00

Here's a list I compiled using the e-mails and comments I received in response to the question: What Did You Find Helpful in Labor?

Ladies, thank you for your insight!

Ask your husband's perspective as a coach

Use prayer and Scripture to help with relaxation (Mom is a professing Christian)

Distraction from contractions (early-labor)

Don't leave Mom alone during active labor (either be there or free hubby to be there for her AT ALL TIMES)

Suggest position changes (birth ball, standing, toilet, glider rocker, hands-and-knees, bathtub, etc.)

lip balm, mints, extra pillows, tennis balls in a sock, snacks/quick energy for Mom and helpers

Hot/cold packs (rice sock and chilled washcloths)

Water--either tub or shower
Music & aromatherapy

Massage/counter pressure (and don't stop unless she tells you to)
Remind her to take one contraction at a time

Counteract getting too much in her head about the intensity of the contractions. ("That one was hard. Really hard. They're getting harder. The next one is going to be even harder. I don't want to do the next one. I can't do this anymore.")

Counteract "labor math." ("It took me 20 hours to get to 6 cm. It will take another 10 hours at least to fully dilate."

Read two of the books suggested in this post

Encouragement that the pain is normal. Affirmation that it is hard work.

Pushing--help her push effectively and tell her when she is pushing effectively, and that it is making progress

Refreshing beverage after birth! (And keep her nourishment needs met during labor)

The great thing about these suggestions was that many of them had a reason behind them--a mini story the women told me that brought home the importance of what they suggested.

Books

2009-04-15T16:11:00.007-06:00

While I wait to ask my postpartum friend to give me the okay on a post regarding the birth of her week-old baby, I am going to give a list of things you all sent me that were very helpful.

For whatever reason, most people responded to my request for input via e-mail, which is totally fine. But I was thinking that, since there were quite a few great suggestions, it would be good to post them on my Blog for anyone who is interested in being a birth helper or preparing for her own birth.

First of all, here's a list of books I checked out at the library last month to brush up and re-educate myself about the birth process and things a laboring woman may encounter:

The Birth Book: Everything You Need to Know to Have a Safe and Satisfying Birth, by Martha and William Sears

I Love this book. If I were to recommend a book to someone who had time to read one and only one (usually first-timers who don't realize just how important it is to make preparation for labor a priority--I know. I was one of these first timers!), this would be the book. I own this book, but was letting my prego friend borrow it, so I picked up a copy at the library for my own reference.

Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, by Susan McCutcheon-Rosegg

Ditto the above about owning/lending. This is the second book I would recommend if a woman wanted to work toward a natural birth. ("Natural" in this book means no medication and judicious use of medical intervention).

The Birth Partner: Everything You Need to Know to Help a Woman Through Childbirth, by Penny Simkin

This was one of the books recommended by both doulas who weighed in. I was not able to find the other one: Mothering the Mother (or The Doula Book) by Klaus, Kennell and Klaus.

I did find this book helpful, though it is definitely from a different perspective than the one I've come to respect most. It seems to be more Lamazish than I care for. Lots of talk about breathing patterns. My opinion is that deep, abdominal breathing is the best breathing for all parts of labor. It facilitates relaxation, since it requires relaxation of the abdominal muscles, and it prevents hyperventilation and assures plenty of oxygen gets to the baby and to the uterus, preventing rapid muscle fatigue.

Aside from the numerous references to breathing patterns, I found it a helpful enough book that I may purchase it in the future. But since I did not read it in its entirety, I do not yet have a good overview of it.

The Expectant Parent's Guide to Preventing a Cesarean Section, by Carl Jones

This may seem an odd book choice to the casual birther, but the fact is that in the U.S., with a cesarean rate of 31.8%, most cesareans are avoidable (Notice I didn't say "unnecessary." This is because by the time they are done, they have often become necessary, but usually the necessary c-section was caused by medical intervention or a lack of other options that could have been tried hours, days or months before.)

Since my friend had chosen an OB as her provider, and since her particular OB was not on call 24/7 for her, and since the only thing I knew about this OB was that she was "nice," I wanted to be prepared for whatever may ensue once we entered the hospital. Of course, the most obvious tactic was to wait as long as possible to go to the hospital. Check.

Even though this book is old (1991), it was very helpful and by far the book I spent the most time perusing. (I did not read any of these books in their entirety last month.) It is set up well, giving an overview of indications for cesarean, then ways to prevent those indications. And though it is old, much of what was being done in 1991 is still being done today--only more (25% cesarean rate back then). I would recommend this book to any pregnant woman with time on her hands (Ha!) and any woman who has had a previous c-section and expects to have more children, and most of all, to any woman who is or aspires to be a labor helper. (I just noticed that this book is apparently not widely available, but if one can get her hands on it, it would be worth the read.)

Okay, I think I'll stop with the book list and pick up again with the list of suggestions next post.

Guess What I Did Today

2009-04-06T02:07:00.008-06:00

Just got back from the first labor I've attended since my own births and I am pumped!

Mom did stupendously and made it through a 25 hour labor (start-to-finish) with no medication whatsoever. She made it look easy. As labor progressed, she got better and better at handling the contractions. I was impressed.

Baby came out at 10:52 p.m. on Sunday (with the cord around his neck--no biggie) weighing 7 lb, 15 oz and 21 inches in length (13" head).

Mom and baby are doing great and getting established with breastfeeding.

The overarching impression I have from this experience (besides respect for this woman in several ways) is that education, preparation and support can make all the difference in whether a woman can "do" natural childbirth. Oh, and a steeled resolve to NEVER AGAIN have a baby in the hospital. It was good to be reminded why I went home to birth.

Thank you, all of you who gave me input and advice on labor helps. I don't know how I did with it all, (you'd have to ask her) but I know your suggestions helped me a great deal.

Thanks for the Input

2009-03-10T22:12:00.003-06:00

Thank you to all of you who sent me ideas on how to be a good help to my friend in labor (see my previous post). I especially appreciated the specific suggestions and general encouragement.

There were a few books recommended that I read in preparation for this, which I thought I should mention here, since they were not posted in the comments. Thanks to the two doulas who sent me these suggestions: The Doula Book and The Birth Partner. I look forward to checking them out at the library and possibly purchasing them for future reference!

I am still open to advice, so feel free to weigh in if you have just come across my request. I need all the help I can get!

Input Wanted

2009-03-03T20:39:00.003-07:00

Over the past few months, I've been interested to see if becoming a doula is for me. Recently, an opportunity presented itself to try my hand at being a labor helper for a woman due next month. As I do not have any formal training in such things, there are many things I do not know. I want to give this woman as much support and help as I can during the hardest work she will probably ever do in her life.

This is where you come in: Do you, readers who have had babies, remember the things that made your labor harder that would have not been so if someone had just __________? Were there things someone did or did not do that you found helpful or think you would have found helpful? Is there anything that burns in your memory that I may be able to use or keep in mind? I'm really looking for specifics here, so please explain what you mean.

Any readers who have not had babies are also welcome to weigh in if you have good insight or experience on the subject. I really am looking for any good ideas to be a better help to her. Fire away!

Haley Kay's Birth Story, Part 5 (and FINAL!!)

2009-02-01T22:45:00.011-07:00

The midwives tried to get situated between my contractions, pausing and not asking anything of me or Casey during contractions. Aimee sat on the floor next to me, waiting for a moment between contractions to check the baby’s heartbeat with the Doppler, while Barb (kneeling, using the bed as her desk) observed my behavior and took notes. I was in transition during the videos here, as well as the video on the last post. For about 30 minutes or so, the contractions were so overpowering and strong. The best way I can describe what it was like is that it felt like a very dark and heavy cloud of seriousness would descend on me as a contraction began. I would remain in that dark cloud for a minute or so, all other thoughts overshadowed by the intense sensations I was feeling. Then, as the contraction began to subside, it was if the cloud lifted and I was “me” again. I could talk, smile, whatever. {I point this out because women labor differently and I had heard that if a woman smiles, she’s not very far along in labor. This is just my way of saying: when you hear things like this, consider who you are and what you are like. That plays a great part in what your labor will look like. Though in general the emotional signposts are more accurate at gauging labor progress than something like how far apart contractions are or how dilated the cervix is, emotional signposts are not always very accurate, either; especially if you adjust quickly to change, are self-conscious or have a tendency to downplay what you are feeling.}

Casey left my side for a moment as Aimee started to check the baby’s heart rate. A severe contraction began and I suddenly needed Casey with me. I told him so and he came to me, knelt beside/behind me and supported me as I relaxed. Aimee stopped looking for baby’s heart, backed off and she and Barb sat in respectful silence as Casey held me through this forceful contraction. As it subsided, he prayed, whispering in my ear as we sat there together, alone in this moment of intensity. I don’t remember what he said, just that it was wonderful to have all those components together: my midwives present and watchful, everything in order, labor progressing beautifully (as obvious by the strength of the contractions), my husband very near and literally supportive to me and the mental corralling of my thoughts as he acknowledged God’s hand on this birth and this baby, asking His blessing on both. I was overwhelmed from the awe of birthing with all of these important pieces together. Words cannot describe my state of elation while smack-dab in the very “worst” of labor! It was wonderful.

I felt great (in comparison) between contractions and though they were the most intense ones in the labor, they were still doable because there were breaks. Casey gave me the third and final dose of herbs and vitamins, and I downed the Emergen-C much too quickly. Even though it was less than 4 ounces of liquid, I should have known better than to down it that fast at this stage of labor. (I find it funny that even when I’ve learned something by experience, it doesn’t mean I “know” it so well that I remember it at the time it would serve me well to remember it. I downed liquid too fast in Ruby’s labor and paid for it, and if you asked me a few big things I learned to do or not to do from that labor, the wisdom of sipping—not drinking—water that late in labor would have surely made the list. This is precisely why I believe one cannot be too educated or prepared for any labor—even the third! There will always be things that one reads—or in this case, knows by experience—that will escape one’s mind when in the heat of labor.)

Soon after this, we got on the subject of the woman (Dolly) who was in labor with me when I had Claire, who was due in a couple weeks. She lives south of us, and as soon as I had learned she was also expecting again, I began joking that we’d need to arrange a day to have our babies back-to-back so Barb only had to take one trip south. Within less than 30 minutes of Barb’s arrival to our home, Dolly and another woman called to say they were in labor! Apparently, today was the day, and we got the memo first. I didn’t feel guilty. We don’t ask much of Barb on labor day; just basically to get there in time to catch the baby. So these two women could hold off, I thought. (Really, though. It wasn’t like they were about to deliver or anything. We had time, and Barb wasn’t rushing.)

We got through a few more contractions as I knelt by the bed, assuring Barb that my knees weren’t sore yet and it felt best to be there. Sandy had brought the girls upstairs and put them down for their naps just as the midwives arrived, and Claire wasn’t too happy about it, as is noticeable in the background noise of the video. It was beginning to take longer to come out of the haze and recover from a contraction, and I became more vocal; “sounding” through them again. We were back on track after all the hoopla of the midwives arrival.
Between a couple transition contractions, I began to feel more nauseated, and Casey fetched a trash can. No sooner than he gave it to me, I threw up a few times. This was not so bad. I felt fine after it was over. The only bad thing I remember about it was thinking now my breath was going to stink. I knew it would affect my relaxation (same reason I took a shower earlier). I am very self-conscious, and things like this and modesty don’t necessarily go away totally (I have to make a conscious decision to not think or worry about these things—even at the very end) like they say they will at some point in labor (again, it depends on who you are). A little while later, I mentioned my concern, and Barb gave me a little mint so I could breathe through my mouth if I needed to.

I asked Barb to check me to see if things really had progressed as I thought. She checked me between contractions and said I was complete. As much as my tailbone had protested, I eventually made it onto the bed in the “frog-in-the-lounge-chair” position we’d used in Claire’s labor, (legs bent slightly, widely splayed and resting on Casey’s legs) Casey behind me, supporting me, whispering words of encouragement to me, stroking my arms. Strangely enough, this was not excruciating like lying down had been. But even so, I was not ready to push. I believe the broken tailbone had more mental ramifications than physical at this point, and though I wasn’t consciously thinking “I don’t want to hurt my tailbone more,” I must have had it in the back of my mind, because I was not ready to engage in the labor the way I needed to, now that I was nearing the end.

I kept my eyes closed more and though I still talked now and then between contractions, I stayed serious and relaxed, and it was obvious when one was starting to get going, because I would suddenly start breathing very deeply and “Oooh!” ing or “Uuh!”ing as I exhaled. It was easy with these sounds to get a little too high-pitched as time went on and Barb would remind me to “keep it low” so my voice would help my body push down instead of tensing up. I kept asking the ladies if it was okay that I didn’t want to push yet. We made it through a dozen or more contractions with me just breathing through them, letting my body do what it needed to do. Aimee encouraged me that she could tell my contractions alone were pushing strongly: I was staying “open” between contractions. The baby was on its way whether I pushed or not! Somewhere in here, I was in the middle of one of these strong contractions when I heard the musical chime of our dryer downstairs and thought, "Laundry's done." I mentally shook myself and lassoed my thoughts back to the task at hand. My mind was no longer interested in what my body was doing. I bring this up, because this is how I am in everyday life: extremely sidetracked. Some people talk of being totally into the task of labor at the exclusion of everything else, and I have yet to labor that way. I really have to work to stay focused.

Suddenly, my body took over and started to push on its own. I grunted and that was the end of ladylike behavior. (Oh, wait; who am I kidding?) I have never been great at the whole “chin to chest” pushing thing. It just doesn’t feel right to me; especially in this case. My position wasn’t optimum for several reasons: I was slouched down a little too much (probably because of my tailbone) and didn’t feel like I could breathe well without throwing my head back. I still had a dry/scratchy throat from the cold I’d had a month before. My voice would catch, and when I pushed, my grunting sounded like machine gun bursts and I found it super annoying that I couldn’t just grunt one long, smooth grunt. We also had several pillows between Casey and I, and he couldn’t see much over the pillows (nor can I see much of his face in the video), which bothers me still (especially for the actual birth). I would have gladly resituated, even between those contractions, if I had known at the time.

The contractions were extremely forceful and this is where the music and the moment collided. There was a particularly intense piece of classical music playing at the height of one of these contractions (the video clip at the beginning of this post gives a little idea of what I’m talking about, only it was more annoying than that, if you can imagine). High-pitched violin screeching was not helpful in that particular set of seconds and I think I could have jumped out of bed and flown to the television and smashed it through the wall if I didn’t think my pelvis just might not come with me. Immediately after the peak, I said I couldn’t really handle the music and asked them to turn it down. At the time, I didn’t think it was funny, but now I do: Barb was the one who got up to turn off the music, only Barb was the only person in the room who is, shall we say, the least technically savvy, so it took her FOR-E-VER to figure out what button to push, and it seemed like an eternity before the horrid sounds were gone. I really was about to volunteer to do it myself by the time she figured out how to make it stop.

Anyway, there I was, pushing. I would lay completely relaxed with my head turned to the side (I could breathe better that way, believe it or not) until a contraction started, align my head with my body, grunt and bear down with all I had in me. Aimee was at the foot of the bed, Barb to the left of me observing/taking notes. The amniotic sac broke during a crazy contraction and the burst of liquid traveled a few feet, but missed Aimee (who was waiting for such an occurrence). There was an extremely short break, (perhaps a few seconds) and I smiled, but that immediately changed, because I then said, “Oooh, goodness. This is very intense!”

Contractions had changed since the sac had broken, and I began to feel as if my baby would explode out of me. “Oh, WOW! I think I need somebody right there,” I told them. I felt too vulnerable and that the baby would burst out and hit the wall ten feet away if someone wasn’t there to stop it. Aimee came to stretch the perineum and Barb said something encouraging. Aimee sat at the foot of the bed, and that’s what I really needed. If she believed I would explode, she would not have sat a foot away from me. It was comforting to know it just felt like I would explode, it wasn’t reality. However, Aimee is an apprentice. I felt saf-er, but not exactly the saf-est. I asked Barb to come to my side. I needed to know that I wasn’t a grenade, and I needed Barb to be near me to assure me that she wasn’t afraid of me, either.

Barb sat on the side of the bed and touched my arm, and Aimee warmed and rubbed my cold feet between contractions. I was having a difficult time relaxing between contractions, and would have to consciously tell myself to relax my facial muscles. Even Barb reminded me at times, by silently placing a finger on my furrowed brow. I asked if it was getting hot in here, and Barb motioned to Case to grab the washcloth. It was heavenly and refreshing on my forehead. They spoke quietly and encouragingly. Barb took the washcloth and spun it around in the air to cool it off, then laid it on my chest and brushed it across my neck. That felt amazing.

I was having a hard time relaxing my legs. Aimee rolled up two towels and put them under each knee, and it really helped. I thanked Barb and Aimee for some encouragement they’d given, and they cranked it up a notch when they realized it was just what I needed, verbalizing what was happening and reminding me to “keep it low.” Casey took the cue and said some more encouragy, coachy things, too. “Good job. Down low.”

Haley’s head was crowning and though it only took a little over two minutes, it seemed like the longest head on earth. I kept thinking, “Is that seriously still the head?” Anyway, right before the “ring of fire” (which Casey says really “doesn’t sound too bad”—HA!), Aimee and Barb were distracted with something for the delivery and I exclaimed, “Ow. OW.”“Help me, help me, help me, help me. PLEASE HELP ME!” as Barb said calmly, “Laaaaauts a pressure.”

I squealed, “OOOOWWW!” and immediately knew that wasn’t helping, so I pushed it down a few octaves and grunted: “Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Lrd. Pls!” (It really sounds like I cut out the vowels in the video.) Barb was coaching Aimee in supporting my perineum, all the while calmly coaching my out-of-controlness.

We had a little exchange that went like this:
Me:“Okay, Okay. Ooo-Kay. That really, really, REALLY hurts! (high-pitched, and then back low again): Really hurts. Really. Huuuurts. Oooooooohhhhhhh. . . ”
Barb:“Good. Good. Grunt through it. Grunt through it. There you go. Push your baby down, push, push, push. . .”
Me (in my lowest, gruntiest, robotic voice): “I’m afraid to push!”
Barb: “Goooow ahead.”
Me (sounding very much like Grover): “MMMM!”
Barb: “Little pushes.”
Me: “MMMMM!”
Barb: “Down here.”
Me (higher and higher pitched): “MMMM! MMMM! MMMMM!”
Barb: “Keep it coming. Good job. There you go. Nice work. Push your baby’s head out. Gentle, gentle, beautiful, beautiful.”

There was a lot of “Ow” and “That kills!” as they worked a nuchal cord (meaning wrapped once around the neck) over her head. (Not a comfortable procedure, I won’t lie.)

All at once, Haley’s head and body were born. I had turned my head to the side, (I think I was trying to get away from what was going on) and happened to look back over and was a little stunned to see her all the way out, because, after all, her head was still crowning a second ago. After realizing she was born, I reached down and Aimee and Barb lifted her to me. I immediately brought her to my chest, and Casey and I gasped and he cried, “Oh, the baby!” which made me cry, all before she did! It was 4:24 p.m.; 12 hours since that first very strong contraction. Haley “mewed” a few times, which just tickled us to death. The midwives put a towel over us and after a few seconds, we checked and she was a girl! Her heart rate was a little slow, so they gave me the oxygen mask to hold near her for a few minutes until she pinked up and was not so quiet. We named her Haley Kay immediately and I could not believe how much vernix was on her! She was totally coated in it. White all over. Chunks, even. I’ve never seen that much vernix on a premature baby! Barb suspected she may have breathed some in and that was why her respiration had dropped off a little. We discussed our guesses of her weight. She looked so tiny to me. Claire had had such a fat face and looked like she weighed 11 pounds, but Haley’s face was slim, and she didn’t have the chunky upper body that Claire did, so I was sure she couldn’t be even 8 pounds. Turns out she was 8 lbs, 2 ½ oz and 20 ¾ inches long.

(This was after a good hour or more, with most of the vernix rubbed in/worn off.)
We called out that we had a baby, and after awhile, Sandy came upstairs to ask what the baby was. I nursed Haley and she latched on strongly and just went to town. After the cord stopped pulsing, it was cut. I don’t think the afterbirth contractions were nearly as bad as they were with Claire. They were strong, but not excruciating. I got off the bed and knelt over the chux that Case had thrown a couple hours earlier to try to have gravity help deliver the placenta, and it eventually came out. Barb was pretty tenacious about checking my bleeding and keeping tabs on me. I hopped in the shower, and I swear I could not get some of that vernix off of my belly, where Haley lay for those first few minutes. It was like car wax! Every minute or so, Barb would pop in to see how I was and give me a sip of my Recharge to keep me from passing out. I think it concerned her that I was standing up, since I have had trouble with low blood sugar after delivery. I felt so great. After I was clean, I wrapped my baby girl and me in my robe and reclined on the bed as Sandy brought Ruby and Claire to join us for Haley’s newborn check. They were so excited to see and hold their little sister. I kept hydrated and took a little of the herbal injury/trauma tincture I had by the bed. A friend of mine came to see us. We got lots of pictures and our little growing family hung out on the bed, looking at our little girl.

Haley and Auntie Chrissy

It was dinner time, and I was about to go downstairs and join the family like it was any other day (I really felt that good). Casey wouldn’t hear of it, and brought the beef stroganoff to me in bed. I was ravenous! Haley was so sweet and just looked around, mewing now and then. It was so precious. Barb and Aimee had to jet to the next birth (which happened to be Dolly. . . . on the same day! What are the odds?) and then the next, and, as it happened, the next! As Barb had said hours before, apparently, we started a trend. They were a couple of busy midwives catching 4 babies in three days, with no break in between. Boy, that’s a tough job. Glad I got them fresh this time!

Haley had alert eyes and was very quiet and serious. She made very small noises and just looked back at us as we stared at her. She had a stork bite birth mark on her left eyelid, which was pretty dark for the first couple days, and comes out again when she is really upset. For the first few nights, she slept in the bassinet by our bed and probably spent half the night in bed with us and would just barely make a peep and I would feed her. She was so sweet and contented; we thoroughly enjoyed our babymoon!

Recovery for me was great. I felt like I could do anything within a few minutes after giving birth, but Casey knows that does not speed recovery, so he had me in bed alot, and when I came downstairs over the next few days, he'd have me rest and sit and observe mostly. I had torn just slightly (like the knicks I had in Claire's labor, about 1/4 of an inch) and that was uncomfortable, but it had completely healed by the home visit Barb made at 5 days, so it was no big deal. Sandy and Case were there for several days and took care of all the household chores and cared for the older girls. I am so blessed to have such a helpful mom and mother-in-law! I have never had to deal with the mom who sits on the couch and holds the baby all day while I stand in the kitchen washing dishes or doing laundry. My relatives come to help, and I'm thankful! People from our church and the mom's group I went to brought us meals for the first few weeks. We hadn't had that with our other babies; it was nice for Sandy and Casey to not have to worry about one more thing. I was especially touched by the fact that one of the moms who had cancer signed up to bring me a meal. That she would think of serving others while in such a state (it was very bad, she passed away at the end of the summer) just blew me away. Though I only knew her for a few short months, she has left an indelible mark in my life. I think of her selflessness all the time (especially when I'm struggling, and it's nothing compared to what she went through).

In comparison, I would put Haley’s birth in between my other two girl’s births as far as doability. Not that any of them weren’t doable, but Ruby’s birth (my first) was an extremely difficult experience (not so much the labor, but the whole of the experience), and Claire’s was like a walk in the park. Haley’s wasn’t terrible (I’d say it was pretty great), but the actual delivery with the broken tailbone was no picnic. All in all though, the really extremely intense part only lasted a couple hours, and like I like to say about labor, you can do anything for a day, right?

A few random pics from the first week of Haley's life (in no particular order):

Haley's Birth Story, Part 4

2009-01-09T21:40:00.001-07:00

Casey called Barb, who then asked to speak with me. I grabbed the phone. “Barb, Casey says they remind him of when we called you with Claire’s labor.” She asked me if I had checked myself lately. {Barb had encouraged me to check myself those last few weeks to see what was happening. Neither one of us wanted an “official” check. We really didn’t expect much to be happening, and Barb’s pretty hands-off about vaginal exams—even IN labor. (She’s experienced enough to know, based on a woman’s behavior, where her cervical progress may be.) So she asked me now and then what I had discovered. The whole thing was very new to me, and she thought it would be good for me to feel what exactly was going on down there. The few times I checked myself, I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, and I ended up asking Aimee and then her to check me once “while they were there” swabbing for GBS at 37 weeks. Turns out my cervix was still so posterior at the time that it really didn’t matter how effaced or dilated it was. If any really serious change was happening, my cervix would not be so posterior.}

I told Barb I hadn’t checked myself at all today, and she suggested I do so right then and she’d call back in a few minutes. So I hung up, put the phone in my robe’s pocket, and quickly explained to Casey and Sandy. We have a bathroom downstairs, but I felt better about being upstairs to check. I think I might have been a little afraid of what I might find; being mentally impaired enough to not make it upstairs if I did find that her head was crowning or some such craziness. As I was just about to climb the stairs, another contraction started (2:11 p.m.). I started the stopwatch and pretty much ran up the stairs. I didn’t want to get stuck on the stairs, so I hurried to get to the bathroom, where I could rest, before the peak. Barb was going to call any minute, and I didn’t want to tell her, “Sorry, I haven’t even made it to the bathroom yet.” Looking back, I’m pretty sure that would have answered her question quite well! She would have known it was time to come even if I didn’t have a report for her. Ah, the silliness of labor-brain.

Waddling to the bathroom, I could hardly stand it anymore. I was not going to regain a relaxed state in this contraction; survival was all I was going for at this moment. I sat on the toilet and the contraction’s intensity was SO VERY OVERPOWERING that I had to lean waaaay back and figuratively hold on for dear life. I made a note on my contraction chart: Must lean back. (I picture Captain Chameleon in The Tick Versus the Idea Men: “CAN’T! DO! PLAID!”) The contraction lasted 2 minutes and 45 seconds and at least 2 minutes were experienced on the toilet—not a good position at this stage of labor, in my experience. When it was over, I hurried to check myself. Barb was surely going to call while I was checking! In what seemed like the same moment, I jumped up, washed my hands and the phone rang. I answered, shaky and nervous. “Barb, I don’t feel a cervix, but I think I feel the bag of water bulging.” (And yes, for any smart alecks, it WAS Barb on the phone!) I had felt what I would describe as a thin rubber band around a very pillowy huge squashy round thing. It freaked me out. I told Barb I wasn’t sure it was the BOW, but I couldn’t feel anything else, save the rubber band, and I thought it was probably the BOW. “I’m sorry if doesn’t turn out to be, but that’s what it feels like.”

Barb very calmly said if that’s what it feels like, then that’s probably what it is and they’d leave right away. I immediately ran downstairs and into the kitchen to tell Casey and his mom this was it. Casey told me “You need to be upstairs.” I told them since I had gotten a little scared and pitted out, I wanted to take a shower first. We hurried upstairs while Sandy stayed downstairs with the girls. It was 2:26 p.m. Casey got some video while I waited for the water to warm up in the shower. I had another contraction—one that I waited just till after the peak before resuming activity. I wasn’t where I wanted to be, and didn’t want to stop for long. I was sure that when I did stop, it would be for good. I mentioned in the video that I’d need to lie down soon. I had one more contraction while in the shower (2:34 p.m.). When I was finished, I began squeegeeing the shower until Casey reminded me that I was in labor and could leave it this time. One would guess from that detail that I am extremely anal! I'm really not that anal, I just constantly have to work at staying on task. Even when it comes to labor, I am so easily sidetracked!

Out of the shower, I quickly dried off, put on my contacts, some lip balm and my labor nighty. Casey stripped our bed and re-made it with a shower curtain and old sheets while I crawled around on the bathroom floor for the next two contractions (2:38 and 2:41 p.m.). I still had to move around, but couldn’t (or didn’t want to) stand anymore. I think it may have been because I didn’t know how long it would take Barb and Aimee to arrive (remember I still thought they were a good 45-60 minutes away) and didn’t know if we had that much time. I remember being taught and reading about “hands and knees” to slow things down, but I think there were additional reasons I did it: I was afraid my posterior-last-appointment-baby hadn’t yet turned and it felt best to be both moving and avoiding the effects of gravity while waiting for the midwives. (I did not feel comfortable delivering this baby without Barb.)

Casey finished the bed and gave me the go-ahead. He helped me get onto the bed and on my side, where I promptly had a doozie contraction (around 2:50 p.m.) and realized I could NOT lie down. Contractions became sharp and excruciating when I did, so Casey piled a huge amount of pillows on our bed and I got back on hands and knees, leaning over the mountain of pillows. After a few minutes, I felt a little too vulnerable up there on the bed. What if, in all my concentrating and hip-swaying, I fell off? So Casey threw a chux on the floor and I moved to kneeling at the bed, swaying my bottom from side to side. (In my mind, I was fiercely waiving it like a mad woman—possibly trying to get away from it—but it was not so accentuated in real life.) We hadn’t ever gotten to burning a C.D. of labor music selections (I kept getting paralyzed in choosing selections by wondering, “Am I going to find this song/music super annoying in labor?”), so we turned the T.V. onto a classical music channel, complete with picturesque and peaceful photography.

I had another contraction (2:55 p.m.—1 min. 15 sec.) as Casey videotaped for another minute, teasing me for continuing to time contractions. I smiled and said it was “something to do” while waiting for Barb and Aimee. It helped me stay focused on one contraction at a time. I had to keep my mind occupied so I wouldn’t freak out thinking too far ahead. I mentioned in the video that between even these contractions, I still felt “really great.” {I find it very refreshing that in three births now, rarely have I had a great deal of contractions so close together that I have absolutely no break in between (though I have to admit, my “false” labor with Claire was often painful no matter if I was having a contraction or not). These people who talk as if labor is one long, excruciating, 36-hour contraction must gloss over God’s mercy in this area. (Could it be they don’t notice the breaks or they even keep themselves from having breaks because they’re too tense and afraid?) I’m not saying labor is easy or pain-free. I guess I’d say it’s both LESS terrible and horrifying than you’ve heard and MORE work than you’ve ever thought possible—work to stay calm, work to relax muscles, work to keep focused, work to be attentive to your body, work to push your baby out . . . HARD WORK!}

Barb and Aimee arrived at 2:58 p.m. and I hung up my contraction-timing hat (as I did when Barb arrived at Claire’s labor) and began to take a more vulnerable role as a laboring woman. They would now take over as the “protectors” of labor—all I needed to do was concentrate on the task at hand. I find this transfer of responsibility very important for relaxation of mind and body at the end. I don’t know how women can purposely do unassisted birth. I need to focus entirely on the work of giving birth, and I have absolutely no room in my mind for also making sure that everything is okay. I happily give this to the birth attendant, and Barb’s knowledge, experience and peaceful manner are just what I need to get my job done.

For Part 5 (The Concusion!), click here

Haley's Birth Story, Part 3

2008-12-08T15:47:00.002-07:00

We hung out downstairs as a family. Casey got some video that included a 2 minute, 45 second double-peaking contraction that I recall being very strong and difficult. Casey and I had talked about trying to get more video during this labor, partially because it would take some of the work out of trying to remember everything that happened, and also because it is really interesting for me to see my labors/births from an outsider’s perspective. I was struck by this in watching the precious little video we had of Claire’s labor day, and how I appeared—even to myself (who knew better)—like I wasn’t experiencing much discomfort, knowing that in reality for one of those contractions, I was mentally hanging on for dear life in sheer panic at that moment. This video segment was similar (though the contraction was much less of a doozie than that one recorded in Claire’s labor) in that I remember feeling like tossing Claire off my lap, snapping at Ruby to "just get the cookie cutters, for pity's sake!" and ripping off my robe for parts of the contraction(s). I was feeling very peeved and annoyed at the fact that Claire was not only on my lap, pinning me to the floor (if she had not been, I would have immediately taken to all fours), but once I leaned back—er—to the side (tailbone)—to get away from her a little and give my belly room to harden and expand, she began rocking back and forth, trying to bounce off of my belly. Yet what I see transpire in that few minutes of video is me calmly talking with Ruby, leaning back and holding my hand in front of me so Claire can bounce against my hand instead of my belly, almost seeming like I’m playing a game with her. The reality was that here and there during the contraction, I was peeved and out-of-control (in my own mind). I wonder if other women have noticed feeling very different than how others observe them or what they see in their videos or pictures.

I have a theory as to why this happens (at least for me). It is imperative that my voluntary muscles remain relaxed during strong contractions, or they become much too painful to bear. If I begin to lose it emotionally and tense up, it is everything I can do to get through even one more second, and it is virtually impossible to regain a relaxed state until the contraction subsides. Therefore, though I may be irritated or upset, I refuse to give in to this derailment to relaxation. I think that is also one of the reasons why I don’t snap at my husband while in the heat of pain as is so commonly the labor “thing to do” (though I must admit a lot of it has to do with his not irritating me in the first place!). I truly don’t believe you can both be relaxed and scream in anger. Hmmm. Now if only I could get the same sense of urgency to stay on an even keel for every other day of my life. . .

Okay, back to the birth story! Since the “nap” that morning, contractions were anywhere from 12-32 minutes apart. When they came, they were so intense, but again I wasn’t sure about their intensity after a moment’s break. Around 10, after the last 2 contractions were a half-hour apart, I decided to stop timing altogether. I apologized to Casey for having him stay home, since it was apparent that labor wasn’t going anywhere soon, and may peter out altogether. We talked about the possibility of him going in to work after all, but he said they weren’t busy enough to really need him, and it was a long weekend already (being Memorial Day weekend and his Friday off)—he was happy to start it a day early even if I didn’t end up having the baby.

Sandy and Ruby left on their date to go to Wal-Mart somewhere around 11 while Casey, Claire and I napped in our bed. When contractions hit, I awoke, but could sleep between them. Barb called at 11:42 from her office to check on the contractions. I don’t really remember having the nap interrupted by her calls, so I’m not sure what the exact timing was, but caller ID says she called again at 12:19. I know by then I had given up on napping, because I answered that call in the office.

She was calling to say that she was going to her grandson's, but to call her cell if things got going. I somehow misunderstood what she said, because I had it in my mind that her son/grandson lived in the East Mountains. It was probably one word she said, like “I’m going to head up there” or something. So I thought she’d be a little ways away if we did end up needing her. (It turned out they live in the south part of ABQ, so she was actually closer than she would have been if she was at her office.) Anyway, this part is a little confusing to me now (as it was then), because I remember having a pretty restful nap, and fairly long (at least an hour), so I don’t have any idea what the timing was here.

As all labors are, this one was different than my other two in several ways. One of those differences is that for most of the day, contractions were overpowering if I was lying down and trying to relax (on my side: it had been a couple months since it felt “good” to lie on my back). I just could not handle their intensity. I really felt like I had to move during them to deal with the pain. A little strange from what I’m used to. Some of that may have had to do with my tailbone injury. Since the injury, even lying on my side was painful. Not as much as lying on my back, but it still put pressure on it. (The least painful position those first few weeks was standing.)

At some point (in the nap I believe), a monstrous contraction 3 or more minutes long made me want to get up and do something so my mind would be distracted from how strong the contractions were. I had found that morning that I coped with them better if I stood and swayed my hips from side to side or in circles. Another difference was that “sounding” was very helpful all day for the pain—not just at the end of labor (in my other labors I was pretty quiet during most of the hard contractions)—so there I was, walking around in between contractions, then stopping to lean on the counter, couch, whatever was near, and sway my hips, moaning or “huuuu. . .” -ing as I exhaled (like an audible sigh when you’re frustrated, only I wasn’t—it just felt better to make that patronizing sound) until it came to a peak, then resuming walking around after a breath of recovery. After waking from this nap, contractions were 10 minutes apart and as strong as they had been.

Claire awoke, and I went upstairs to get her before she woke Casey. One of us should get a good nap, I thought. Who knew when things would really get going and how long we’d be doing this? After a little while, Sandy and Ruby returned, and Sandy went to work preparing quesadillas for lunch. It was probably around 1 p.m. and I was getting pretty hungry. I really wasn’t at full mental capacity here (don’t know if I can remember when I last was!) and I remember talking to Sandy and wondering how she was going to make the quesadillas (why did it matter?), but at some point, she must have just done what seemed best to her, because I was soon eating one. (I tended to drift off mentally for contractions, and conversations would just trail off.)

Casey got up from his nap and came downstairs after we had finished, and ate his lunch while standing in the kitchen. I had resumed timing contractions at 1:05. After having one contraction, several more came but weren’t strong, so I didn’t count them and a ½ hour passed before another decent one came, so it really seemed like things were slowing down, even though in general they were still 10 min apart and around 1 min. 20 seconds duration. In hindsight, that half-hour break (probably around when we ate lunch, how handy :) was the calm before the storm.

I was sitting on the love seat, continuing to time contractions, Claire by my side. Sandy had stepped out of the room and Casey was doing some dishes. At 2:03, a contraction began that nearly knocked me out. I could tell from the get-go it was going to take everything I had. I took off my glasses and put them on my lap, threw my head back and just tried to BREATHE. Apparently, Claire grabbed my glasses and was putting them on (rather roughly—almost everything she does can be classified that way). Casey (from his perspective I was resting) saw her and thought she had Sandy’s glasses and started yelling (not quite): “Mom! Sarah! Mom! She’s got your glasses! Mom! She’s going to break them! Sarah! Take them away!” But I really couldn’t have cared less at that moment. It took everything in me—and more—to just stay conscious and breathing. After the peak, but while the contraction continued, I explained that I wasn’t ignoring him, I was just busy with a contraction. When Casey realized that I had heard him, but was that pre-occupied with a contraction, he said, “This reminds me of the end of Claire’s labor. You need to call Barb.” I told him I wanted him to call her. And a light bulb went on as we looked at each other. We knew things were getting intense.

For Part 4, click here

Haley's Birth Story, Part 2

2008-12-02T22:05:00.008-07:00

Of one thing I was certain: I wouldn’t miss the birth of my own baby! Even though I had a history of not recognizing labor until well into it, I knew it was unlikely that I would remain unaware of labor ENTIRELY, and that, if the contractions I was having finally BECAME labor, at some point I’d be aware of that fact. I wasn’t concerned that I may not recognize “the real deal,” and it turns out that this time, I really didn’t have to be. Because one day, the contractions REALLY. CAUGHT. MY ATTENTION.

Thursday, May 22, 2008 (one day before “due” date): around 4:30 a.m. An extremely strong contraction upon waking made me eager to have it over with so I could run to the restroom and then get back to sleep. However, I kept having contractions that same strength once I got back into bed. After having 3 in 15-20 min. (that required my total concentration and relaxation to keep breathing and not be swallowed by their severe intensity, reaching out to Casey in silence as I struggled through the last one, not able to speak—I mean SERIOUS contractions!) I woke Casey to let him know what was going on. I told him the pain might be aggravated by nausea, and that I was going to get a snack and time contractions. He made sure that I would come back to bed soon, then went back to sleep.

So around 5 a.m., I went downstairs to get some yogurt and applesauce and had a cup of hot Chamomile tea (the "soothing," instead of the "toning,"--and possibly intensifying? I wasn't wanting to find out!--choice of teas). While snacking, I also posted a quick note to my blog that I wondered if I was in labor today. I also took some herbs for my GBS. (Supposed to take them every 4 hours starting at the onset of labor.)
In the time I was downstairs, contractions were 5-20 minutes apart lasting 1 – 2 minutes. Averaging out, they were 11 minutes apart, 90 seconds duration. (Not very neat: 8, 11, 13, 11, 20, 5, 8 min apart; 1:30, 1:30, 2:00, 1:00, 1:50, 1:20, 1:20 minutes long.) While walking around the kitchen, stopping for contractions, swaying and concentrating, I thought, “If this is how the textbook labor is supposed to start, I can see why women wouldn’t have trouble recognizing it.” They were SO STRONG from the get-go. Just about as intense as they got toward the end with my first 2 labors. So I had this thought about having NO doubt this was it, but then again, I felt absolutely fine between contractions and they were far enough apart (most of the day, in fact) to cause me to doubt their intensity until the next one started. I would doubt myself after only seconds had passed since a contraction, thinking my memory must be making them seem stronger than they really were.

I went back upstairs around 6:20 a.m. and tried to sleep, but the nausea hadn’t gone away (it didn’t the whole day) and I had 3 more contractions strong and evenly-spaced-enough in 40 min. to not get to sleep between them.

Finally, at 7:00, not being very successful at relaxing in my “sleep imitation,” I decided to pull out the big guns for labor and drew a bath in our beautifully deep garden tub. I added some lovely-smelling bubbles and began to review Dr. Bradley’s book, Husband-Coached Childbirth (not a must-read in my opinion, but I had just gotten it back the week before from my sis and since it had been awhile since I’d leafed through, I thought it might be interesting). I opened the blinds slightly to enjoy the natural light and discovered that it was drizzling outside. Ahh. . . what a relaxing day to labor! How peaceful to sink into a warm bath while watching the overcast sky and hear the rain fall gently against the window.

Ruby and Claire soon made their way into the bathroom (the morning tradition is to awake and come see Mommy) and, seeing me in the bubbly tub, asked to join me. I brought them in, but the water was so deep that they had to sit on my legs to keep their heads above water. They spent a good 15 minutes or so in the tub with me playing with the bubbles as we talked about the baby coming today, and then Sandy (MIL—she flew in from Portland 2 days before to help with the new baby) offered to take them and dress/feed them. Contractions were still very strong in the tub, but they spaced out a bit and it felt good to be in the warm water. I decided that I would not want to actually birth in the tub. It was hard to feel “grounded” in such a big place. I had to work hard to keep from slipping in completely. I don’t know how I would have pushed in there. It’s really important to me to be able to relax all my muscles, save the pushing ones, and I would have had to hold myself onto the side of the tub with my arms while trying to push. Too much work, I thought.

Anyway, a side (or bottom, as the case may be) issue comes up here and I must digress. The Thursday before, as my sister and her family were here, we were enjoying an evening playing Wii games. We were bowling and I stood up, took my turn, and backed up to the couch to sit. I didn’t look, and should have taken another step before plopping my heavy prego self on the couch, because I missed the cushion and landed extremely hard on the wood frame of the couch, breaking my tailbone. (Even 5 weeks after the fact, my tailbone was still sore and I had to sit carefully and after having sat any length of time I was very sore—especially driving, and finally, 9 weeks after the injury, I was able to sit in any position I so desired without discomfort.) As would be expected, this tailbone thing affected labor and birth. I don’t think I really have any idea how much so, since there is no way to go back and experience Haley’s birth without a tailbone injury.

So, exactly a week after the injury, in the tub, I find there are only a few positions that don’t hurt—even in the water. I need to kind-of sit on my hands to protect my tailbone or float along in a “push-up” position, belly down, my arms straight down to support me, or sit very much forward—not on my bottom at all—in order to not be in pain. The usual tub position is out of the question. I think this had to do with me nixing the tub-for-birth idea.

I stayed in the bath for at least an hour, timing contractions, reading, relaxing. When I got out, I put on my pretty pink labor nighty, which I had decided to get because I knew it would affect my outlook on the beauty of the day I brought my child into the world, as well as help me to relax when I looked down and saw something girly that acknowledged my extremely feminine state and not my husband’s dark shapeless t-shirt. And I knew it would make a better memory in my mind.

A pancake breakfast and some family time downstairs followed.

For most of the day, it really was boring in between contractions. Too much time between them to really hold onto how difficult they were, but too little time to rest or get something done. At 8:48 a.m., I called Barb to let her know I might be calling her to come today. I made sure to call immediately after a contraction, while I still felt absolutely certain these HAD to be labor contractions and before I started wondering again. If I waited too long between, it seemed silly to call at all. (What would I say? "Barb, I just wanted to give you a head's up that we might call you in the next few days?") "Here we go again," I thought.

For Part 3, click here

Haley's Birth Story, Part 1

2008-11-22T21:33:00.006-07:00

In September of 2007, Casey and I found out we were expecting our third baby. Braxton Hicks presented crampy and strong at six weeks of pregnancy (the earliest so far) and instead of being afraid or annoyed, I embraced them as one of my best preparations for childbirth. After Claire’s easy-breezy birth, due partially to the fact that it felt like I had been in labor for a month (the other part having to do with a very challenging first birth experience which I was prepared to repeat), I decided to rejoice in how God made me and the things my body seems to deem necessary to get a baby born. I equate my body to an old car on a frosty morning: it takes several attempts to start—as well as some revving in those attempts—before a continued and lasting, no-going-back start is achieved.

From the last two births, I had had a mental list going on what I would like to do the same or differently. One of those "same" things was have a home birth. There is just no comparison to the atmosphere one encounters in a hospital versus home. So after some finagling, our wonderful midwife agreed to take us on as clients once again. She had planned to take the year off and do some traveling, but decided to take on a few clients within a specific window, and we were due in that time! She went to Africa for about 6 weeks during my second trimester. All went well with the pregnancy, and we did the usual and declined most of the tests, etc. throughout. Barb was very supportive. How the girls and I enjoyed those hour-plus appointments!

Casey and I are practical; we enjoy finding out the gender of our babies before birth day. Not having yet been with a home-birth midwife for an entire pregnancy, I asked Barb if she ever ordered ultrasounds and she said not unless there was a medical reason. (How funny that insurance companies won’t pay for ultrasounds except for a “medical” reason, yet I don’t know one woman birthing in a hospital nowadays—including me—who has not been offered at least 2 ultrasounds in her pregnancy.) I guess Barb is much more conservative than the average doctor or hospital midwife in what qualifies as a medical reason (i.e. not to “check dates” or “size” or whatever other reasons my ultrasounds have been for), and I respect her for it. But it was a little bummer that we’d have to wait to see what this baby was. We just don’t get the whole “What better surprise is there?” thing. It’s a surprise no matter what, right? So what if you find out early? It’s still a surprise at the time. And there’s still the surprise of “when,” unless you are inducing or scheduling a c-section, but I digress.

A few of the things on my list that I wanted to try differently included Casey A) being present for more than a few hours of labor and, therefore, B) helping me through contractions when I needed him. We discussed and practiced several ways he could help me through contractions and things he could do in labor in general to assure me of his presence and support.

My “different” list also included some trivial things to try, like a relaxing and calm atmosphere for labor (complete with music and a pretty labor nighty—not a tank top or Casey’s big, ugly t-shirt) and naps and a bath—I wanted to take advantage of the “midwives’ epidural” this time. You'd think my labors were only an hour long the way we haven't taken advantage of some common labor techniques in the first two births. The problem is, prodromal labor can have the same effect as a really short labor in that it lulls one into thinking, "this baby isn't coming anytime soon," until it's too late to do anything but have a baby.

It was also important to me to focus on the beauty of the gift of birth and what a miracle God does in bringing a baby into the world. I wanted to make the day of labor worshipful by being mindful of His handiwork in making this baby and my body, and His sovereignty over what may happen in childbirth. This is crucial to relaxation for me—to trust God. I simply cannot just trust “birth” or my body. Those things can (and often do) fail. God is always the same. And He is always trustworthy.

Throughout the pregnancy, I practiced relaxation with my Braxton Hicks. One difference with these B.H. this time around was that they were very crampy, and thus, even more like “real” contractions than ever before (I have a hard time distinguishing “real” ones as it is). I did not keep track of my contractions this time like I did in Claire’s pregnancy. That served a purpose, and I no longer needed to figure out why I couldn’t discern “real” labor. There were a few times when I thought—based on the strength, duration and frequency of contractions—that I might be going into labor, but this time I didn’t pay enough mind to them to really wonder. Most of the really strong, long and close together bouts lasted a few hours or less this time, so I didn’t have much time to start wondering before they tapered off again, and the few times that they were like that for an entire day, I took them in stride and figured (based on my previous birth experiences) that I’d most likely discover “this is it” before the baby was born. I wouldn't miss the birth of my baby.

For Part 2, click here

VBAC Link

2008-10-06T16:06:00.007-06:00

I was just reading my Bradley teacher's new blog. She's recently posted about VBACs and the things that surround them (previous c-sections, among other things!) I thought she did a very good job with this topic. It reminds me of the fire-hydrant of information we got in her classes. (As in: I could easily learn a ton of "new" stuff by taking the exact class I took 4 years ago; there was that much information.)

I love her blog title: Banned from Baby Showers. Though I haven't banned myself from baby showers yet, I can totally relate because I feel so strongly about educating yourself before you do the (likely) hardest work you will ever do in your life. Far too may people waltz in completely unprepared and without an inkling as to what risks they and their babies will face because they are uneducated on this topic. (They sometimes label themselves "happily ignorant," and in one sense, I hope they remain so, because the way you get an education-in-a-hurry about just how risky the things are that you're consenting to have done to you can also be the way you become not-so-happy when those risks become reality.) Even though the post is about VBACs, it touches on some more-common topics within childbirth, such as induction, epidurals and the like.

If you read it and like or don't like it, let's discuss!

Warning: I Am About to Get E-pinionated

2008-09-25T14:08:00.003-06:00

Some of you will be relieved to know I'm posting here now; most especially those who have my blog name listed on your blog. Sorry, though; my new blog's name will not be any less embarrassing.

I will continue to post to this blog, but the content will return to pregnancy, labor and birth, with an emphasis on unmedicated prodromal labor.

For a few months now, I've been hemming and hawing about whether or not to create a blog for my personal/family life. One reason I resisted was because I find that if someone has more than one blog, I will almost exclusively read only one of them. But I have come to see this as the exact reason I SHOULD make this change. As more people (friends and strangers) find my blog, I have realized that this is the time to dichotomize my posts. It is important to me for my posts to be pertinent to my readers. I don't want to alienate my family or friends by passionate opinions about things for which they have no use or couldn't care less. Nor do I want to disappoint ones who find my blog by searching for something they really want to know about, only to have to sift through a boring mishmash on my personal life.

I'm aware that there are people who would just like to know how I/we are doing, and what I/we are up to. There are also people whose goal in reading is not to see that Ruby or Claire said something funny or Haley reached a new milestone.

My hope is to post regularly to both blogs, and consequently have a few readers at each. But it really isn't that big of a deal either way, since most of my blogging so far has been to an audience that wasn't there. (It started as therapeutic journaling, which has been stumbled upon by a few readers--somewhat accidentally, as I have yet to officially announce that I am regularly blogging).

Please stay or go as you wish!

Hallelujah, It Isn't Thrush! (and other 4-month updates)

2008-09-23T16:40:00.007-06:00

Haley had her 4 month check-up today. It has been TWO MONTHS since the diagnosis of thrush (which she had for a week or two before we went in for her 2-mo. ck.) and, though the Gentian Violet cleared her up, it did not seem to do a thing for me. Over 3 weeks now since that treatment, I was certain I would have given it back to her. Dr. Tom looked intently in her mouth today and found NO SIGNS of thrush! Hurray!

This not only means that I've not re-transferred it to her, but that I don't have it, either! Words cannot describe how elated I am at this news! There was a good month in there where I wondered how my immune system could be THAT shot, that despite help (2 different prescriptions, as well as the G.V.) and the numerous things I was doing to combat it, I simply could not shake this thrush. Could it be that completing 3 pregnancies in four years has left my body utterly defenseless? I really was beginning to wonder. Upon getting this fabulous news, I went out and got a Nice. Big. Real. Coke. I've been craving this for weeks!

One may wonder, what--if it isn't thrush--is it? My Doc last week said she wondered if it could be eczema, and Dr. Tom's findings today put the last piece in the puzzle. My guess is that the G.V. treatment cured one thing and then started or aggravated another. Eczema isn't a picnic either, but I've had to deal with it in patches on my skin before, and one of my girls has it pretty bad. The management is pretty much "moisturize, moisturize, moisturize." This is a breeze compared to treating thrush. There is just no comparison. When it was thrush, I was seriously consumed by it (I'm not kidding--if you don't believe me, do a search on thrush and see how many dozen things you can find that you can do to get rid of it. And then there I was, not being cured--or even helped in the least bit--by any of it, grasping at straws and another dozen cures. It literally determined what I did or did not do for at least the last month.) I feel so free right now.

So I was thinking about the last few weeks of jumping through hoops and doing all I knew to do, all the while knowing I was failing in this treatment or that one, so maybe I just wasn't doing everything right, and that's why I wasn't getting better. The picture that I think of is that I do this on a daily basis spiritually, too. It reminds me of how I can feel when I get focused on living in my own strength. There is nothing but condemnation to face when I try, try, try--all the while knowing I am dismally failing, and seeing that I will NEVER measure up. I mean, this last month, I would have had to pretty much do nothing but treat thrush if I were to do everything right. I knew I wasn't doing the very best that I could, and it was so discouraging to think, "If I just did everything and did it right, it would be gone in no time." And yet it wasn't thrush, and that's why all I did wasn't working! I don't want to make a weird spiritual analogy, but it did remind me of how a sinner's eyes are opened to the gospel and it is finally clear why all the "doing good" doesn't alleviate the guilt of sin, or how a Christian can be bogged down with performance and not live in grace. (Yes, I sin. No, God is not surprised. Neither should I be. Help me, Lord!)

Okay, sorry about that strange rabbit trail. I am so elated though! Can you tell?

The update on four month old Haley is: she weighs in at 14 lb, 4 oz and is 25 inches long, and she has 2 teeth (they came in a few weeks ago: no wonder she's been biting me since day one!) Her teething and subsequent drool makes her too smelly--even soon after a bath! According to Casey, she drools like a banshee. (Until I met Casey and Thomas, I never knew banshees did so many things besides wailing. Apparently, they drive, sweat, sneeze, and drool, among other things!)

Haley loves tummy time and is scooting around (very strangely--doesn't use her hands or knees, just lifts her arms and pushes with her toes, so it takes FOREVER for her to get to her desired destination). By the looks of it, I'd say she'll be crawling in another month or two, but I know better than to say that. She will be sure not crawl for another 6 months!

I would do a video, except it would be extremely long and boring. The one constant in these pics is the pink dress on the right side. She doesn't move fast or far, but she's determined!

Six minutes later.

Fifteen minutes later than that.

A Few Ups and Downs of Parenting

2008-09-19T15:27:00.007-06:00

A funny tidbit:
Last month, I was battling a small cold. After a sneezing attack, Ruby advised me to take a cough drop: “Mom, you can get that thing what Daddy does to make your throat smell better.”

My children aren’t synchronized on their nap schedules: a thing I find slightly vexing. Some days, I may have ½ hour where they are all asleep—uh—in bed. (Ruby doesn’t take a nap most of the time. She has never been a fan of sleep and has boycotted naptime most days for over a year now.)

Even so, I find that I am a much better mama if I have had a break. Therefore, Ruby is not required to sleep, just be quiet in her bed. So, in this break (Haley fussing in the bassinet—hope she’ll succumb to sleep soon, R & C nearly to the end of supposed “naptime”) I’ll quickly post.

This morning, Ruby was playing with her doll. She kept getting it in and out of the crib, rocking on her rocking chair and talking to it about how it needed to go to sleep. I inquired as to what she was doing. She very calmly replied, “I have a baby and she’s 20 months old and she drives me nuts.”

When I watch my girls play “Mommy,” I am often amazed that they are so patient and kind to their dolls, and I wonder where they get that. Their babies are almost always naughty (what fun is it when your baby isn’t?), and I’ve overheard Claire sweetly say, “If you get out of your crib again, you will lose a privilege.”

It really convicts me to see them play with their dolls and set expectations, boundaries and consequences with their “children,” without getting riled up or short of temper. I’m sure I don’t look like that most of the time. Sometimes I watch them mimic me—cringing, one eye closed—afraid of what I look or sound like to them throughout the day. And when they do this with their dolls, I am almost certain that they don’t get it from watching me.

Yes, this parenting role has been challenging, to say the least. Like my dear friend E. and I were discussing a few weeks ago, sanctification is not an elective. I think one of the verses that I find most comforting at this time of extreme testing is Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” God saves to sanctify—and eventually perfect—His children. Even though some days I see so much sin in my life that upon reflecting on the day I would almost swear I am more sinful than I was 10...5…2 years ago, I can know from God’s Word that if I am His child, the truth is that He is exposing more of my sin and working out His promise to finish what He started. From God’s perspective, I’m not getting worse; I’ve always been this sinful, and am more sinful than I can imagine—I’m glad I don’t know all He knows. I’m so grateful He doesn’t expose all my sin at once!

My friend Josanna was able to stay with us last night, on her way from CA to TX. My girls have such fun with her. I remember when I used to be fun with children, too.

Okay. Naptime’s over. Let the good times begin

You Might be a Mom to Three Short People If. . .

2008-09-18T09:44:00.015-06:00

You are grateful for six hours of uninterrupted sleep.

You finish a phone conversation, take off your glasses, then realize you meant to hang up the phone.

There are days that you consider yourself successful if, at the end of the day, everyone is still alive and you got a shower to boot.

Your showers are accompanied by at least one other person, unless you take one at 6 a.m., 3 p.m. or 9 p.m.

Grocery shopping by yourself refreshes and renews you.

Despite your couch looking like this most of the week:

or at best, this:

your husband is just grateful to have something clean to wear to work.

A date with your husband consists of putting the children to bed and zoning out to a movie in the next room.

When someone at the store snidely jokes that you need to figure out "what causes that," you think to yourself: "I'm not sure I can remember."

You marvel at the thought that some people actually need to use birth control at this stage to keep from getting pregnant again.

You congratulate your children for doing things like this:

When pulling into a parking lot, your first objective is no longer to find the space closest to the store, but the cart corral.

A suggestion from your husband that you go to a coffee shop and blog for an hour makes you giddy with excitement.

You can't remember the last time you had both a warm meal AND two free hands.

Upon your infant's cry of hunger, two non-lactating short people offer--and attempt--to breastfeed her.

You let them.

You consider it "a break" to go anywhere with only one or two of your children.

You have found yourself in a public bathroom stall with all three children, holding 2 of them.

Throughout the day, you periodically burst into melodramatic and sarcastic renditions of theme songs from Little Einstein or Super Readers.

You wonder if your brain cells will ever regenerate enough for you to have an intellegent conversation.

You don't remember if or when you've ever had one.

You can tell what time of day it is, based on the cleanliness of your shirt

At bedtime, you can easily identify a half-dozen stains and/or bodily fluids on said shirt.

Almost none of said bodily fluids belong to you.

You are grateful for this.

You lose your train of thought mid-sentence.

It takes a few minutes for either you or your husband to notice. . .

and . . .

It really isn't worth the effort to figure out what you were saying .

Ruby's First Lesson

2008-09-09T15:11:00.009-06:00

Today was Ruby's first Tap/Ballet class. And before you start thinking what a terrible thing it was for Ruby to be the only one in regular clothes (and the only one without ballet shoes), please let me explain that it was expressly suggestd by Ms. Deidre, the teacher. She said that with this young age, mothers often get over-excited and buy all the bells and whistles, only to find that their children aren't ready to take lessons. Her advice was to wait until the first class to decide whether we should even sign up for lessons and THEN get the necessary items. The awkward thing about it was that I was the only mother who actually did what she suggested. (I didn't want to literally throw away almost a hundred dollars!)
There's a bonus to Ruby wearing regular clothes: it's easy to tell which one is her!

I am not die-hard into dance for Ruby. But I do think some sort of class will be good for her in many ways (like learning the importance of listening and following instructions from someone other than Mommy or Daddy, and that no matter what others are doing, she must do what she knows is right). I believe this will also provide the opportunity to learn that Mommy does not have jurisdiction over all children, and will not be able to fix certain problems, and that other children may be allowed to do things that she may not do. This is a fundamental lesson for her whole life, I believe. Therefore, it is not "simply" a dance class to me. It is a chance to learn and practice several different things besides dance techniques.

In the tap video, you'll notice Ruby holds on for dear life to the barre. Can you guess she's slipped a few times on the tile at home? (By the way, these are very short videos, mostly for the viewing pleasure of Ruby's 'Lita, who sent her a garage-sale find of tap shoes and a Shirley Temple movie--ingenious!)

Watching Ruby, I think about how I struggle to follow an aerobic exercise video, and hope that she will do better than I in the coordination department. She reminded me so much of myself when she had to stop doing one thing before doing another, and couldn't quite manage to both "fan" and turn at the same time!

And by the way, she didn't seem embarrassed to not be dressed like the others. Thankfully, she's young enough to not notice it too much (and the other girls only noticed for a split second).

So, after class today (after getting an affirmative that she's ready) I asked Ruby if she'd like to take the class. She said "Yes, I'm happy. No, Mommy, I LOVE IT!"

All We Need is Smell-A-Vision

2008-08-31T14:38:00.006-06:00

Talk to any New Mexican, and they'll agree: there really isn't any smell so very "New Mexico" like the smell of roasting chile (perhaps the pungent nasty smell of tar for flat roofing says NM too, but it's not something to be proud of). Thanks to Mrs. D., I was able to put up a few meals' worth of chile yesterday. Mrs. D. has been farming all her life, and has taught me that roasting your own is better than having it barrel-roasted. That method burns the skin (and much of the flesh, if the operator isn't experienced) and even though the smokey smell is still good, it doesn't compare to the soft fragrance of a batch roasted just enough to evenly blister and brown the skin (making it peel nicely).

Last year, I made the mistake of 1) buying chile on opening day of chile season, 2) buying chile from Wal-Mart and 3) having it barrel-roasted. Anyone who knows his or her stuff about chile will tell you NOT to do the first two. The flavor isn't there, the heat isn't there, and probably half of the chiles were so small and meatless that they weren't even worth peeling. My sister (visiting for the weekend) and I were putting up at least 7 bushels, and wanted to cut costs where we could. I really should know better than this. How many times have I decided to go with the cheap knock-off or low-cost item and regretted it? You really do get what you pay for. What does it matter if we saved a third of the cost, when we haven't really eaten much of it because it's so BLAH? We still have at least half of last year's chile. Normally by this time, we've been out of chile for awhile.

This year, I will make a better choice. Living in a farming community now, I am only a few miles away from beautifully big, meaty, broad-shouldered chiles like the ones pictured. Perhaps next year, I will grow my own, and thus be able to do a small batch like this a couple times a week. (With a newborn this summer, I opted not to do much gardening. Tomatoes are it.)

It took about an hour (not including cooling time) to put up this much chile. The time commitment is pretty sizable when doing a regular-size (i.e. much bigger) batch. Not really baby-friendly, either. I don't want to be nursing right in the middle of the peeling phase. It can be PURRR-TY dangerous for baby and mama.

In other news, Casey had his Friday off this weekend, and we visited Gram at her new apartment. Case took the big girls for a quick swim while we were there.

Claire's the water baby of the bunch. Ruby gets cold quickly, and spent most of the time in her towel on the concrete.

Just one more thing: Haley's cousin Alan must have taught her more than just rolling over while he was here. I didn't have a thumb-sucker until last week.

Haley and the Purple Crayon?

2008-08-27T16:57:00.006-06:00

Did Ruby and Claire let Haley suck on one of their markers? Nope. This is our latest treatment in an over-a-month-long bout of Thrush, called Gentian Violet. I was turned onto this by blogger friend Becca, and later my pediatritian's nurse recommended it, since Nystatin didn't work a lick (no pun intended, but I'll leave it, since it's so fitting). Becca was so right--G.V. is an UTTER (as well as UDDER, if you must know) MESS. Upon first application, I thought it was not so bad, but that was before I knew that it easily transfers--especially when wet--and continues to stain everything that contacts it (skin is the worst--it doesn't wash off). That being said, I think we're in for an adventure (and TONS of laundry). As Becca so aptly put: Thrush sucks. I will also add that it is an utter pain (if you know what I mean). You do not want to ever deal with it, let me tell you.

Before Gentian Violet

After Gentian Violet. The stuff stains anything affected a deep purple, which is pretty much Haley's ENTIRE mouth. (After over a month, what did I expect?) Please also note the apparent teething of my baby and all the drool which so greatly helps spread the cheer.

I can see how having an older baby complicates this treatment for Thrush, such as the fact that newborns don't suck on their fingers . . .

Nor can they roll over and dig their faces into blankets, towels or carpet. Haley has been in her bouncy seat almost all day--I was pretty afraid of the purple monster. One good thing I've discovered: the stuff seems to come out in the wash pretty easily, so tomorrow, Haley will be allowed "down" again.

Fun, Fun, Fun Till Daddy Takes the T-Bird Away

2008-08-27T16:14:00.007-06:00

On Saturday evening (Casey gone till Sunday) we decided to go to this tiny little carnival in our village (yes, it's technically called a village) that had a few cheesy rides. We walked around for a few minutes, then bought some cotton candy and R & C got to ride ONE ride. (I can't believe how expensive the rides were: it cost $3 a person to ride this car ride!!!)

Ruby and Claire's first taste of cotton candy. After a few bites, Ruby told me: "Mom, it's yummy, but I don't want anymore." My children never cease to amaze me.

How Can She be Three Months Already?

2008-08-22T22:24:00.004-06:00

And I thought the second child grew up in a flash! Seriously, since she was born, I've been remembering so much about Ruby being a baby, but not so much Claire. I really hope it has more to do with the fact that Haley actually REMINDS me of Ruby, and not that I CAN'T REMEMBER Claire as a baby. I think at least some of the lack of reminders of Claire as a baby has to do with Claire's babyhood being so much busier than Ruby's was, even though I had a whole extra five months to enjoy her babyhood than I did with Ruby (Ruby was 17 months old when I had Claire). It made alot of difference to experience Claire's babyhood with a toddler to chase after.

Haley laughed for the first time today, as I was singing "Pat-a-Cake" to her. I couldn't get her to do it more than twice, but it was so sweet. Since we've been back from Oregon, she's also been giving me a long break between nursing at night. The last few weeks she's been going anywhere from 4 to 9 1/2 hours between night feedings, usually somewhere around 6 or 7. It has been a real blessing to be able to get several hours of sleep in one chunk. There were a few weeks toward the end there when I would be in tears, wanting to have even just a couple of hours of sleep where she didn't have to be in bed with me or actually ATTACHED TO ME. (Maybe it's because I have lots of other sleepers in my house that I don't think I can let her cry it out too long. I did try it once and I cried the entire time she cried [two hours--I know--what a terrible mom, right?]. It wasn't something I could do again. I still feel guilty for letting Ruby cry as much as I did.)

Footprints, finally!

Tuesday: Haley and cousin Alan (who is 4 days older and at least 3 pounds heavier!)

Casey's gone camping for the weekend with the guys in my family. Even though it's harder on me in a way, I really wanted him to do it. He doesn't have many chances to go and do things he enjoys and be with guy friends. Camping hasn't been as enjoyable since we have a couple very little ones who can get into danger very easily (we usually come home from camping completely exhausted). This trip was adult guys only. I think he'll really enjoy himself.

With Casey's being gone, the girls and I are trying to do some fun things. While more difficult to parent alone, it is also a little easier, since I don't have the same pressures of meal preparation or cleaning. Today, we were able to just go with the flow. Walk to the park first thing in the morning while eating a granola bar breakfast, lunch at 10:30, naps at 11:30, hair cuts for R & C, then dinner at 4 o'clock, and bed at 7. It went fairly smoothly, but it's the beginning of the weekend. We'll see how we do by Sunday night.

Home after our errands this afternoon. Next stop: bedtime!

Ahhh . . .The Sound of Silence!

2008-08-18T07:26:00.004-06:00

I am up BEFORE ANY OF MY GIRLS this morning (They're still sleeping--Yay!) After a leisurely shower sans children (I usually have at least one in there with me), I decided to have a cup of coffee and blog for a moment. That's when it hit me. As I poured a spoonful of sugar into the mug, I could hear it "break" the coffee. Its wooshing sounded like a piece of paper being torn. (And it really wasn't that much sugar, I promise!) I realized how long it must've been since I've experienced something like that (i.e. silence) early in the morning. And I must say I liked it enough to blog about it. Silence is certainly golden!

Once upon a time, I was a newlywed bride, waking with my husband to get his clothes and breakfast and pack his lunch for the day (often including a note), waving goodbye to him every morning as he drove to work. Upon starting his civilian job only months after we got married, his new co-worker commented that my waking with Casey wouldn't last long. I think he gave him a timeframe of a couple of months or something. Years passed. Babies came. Still I would wake with him and get his clothes and food. Only a few breaks here and there when I was sick or just had a baby, but even the baby breaks weren't ever more than a week or two. Then I got pregnant with number three. In the very beginning and then toward the end of Haley's pregnancy, I was not even getting up with my hubby, let alone packing his lunch. And this has become the norm. I still pick out his clothes most days, but now it's the night before. Kinda cheating, I know. Once in a while I'll pack him a lunch and put it in the fridge for him to grab on the way out the door.

When I think about it, it makes me a little sad. And when I think of why, it makes me more sad. My children take so much of my waining energy (can it be called "waining" if it's barely even there?), and my husband is suffering the consequences. I've read and heard about husbands getting jealous of a new baby, since it is now getting all of his wife's attention, but until this baby, Casey has still had much of my attention and affection. Now that we've switched to a zone defense, we have to work very hard at (and communicate about) "us." I can totally see why couples fall into the trap of being all about the kids and forget that they're married. It would be easy to do. And it's so sneaky--we work together like a finely oiled machine; we usually know what the other is thinking and make a pretty good parenting team, if I do say so myself. But here's the catch: we become such great partners in this parenting thing, managing the household and the like, and lose sight of the fact that WE are also an entity. Marriage certainly becomes harder when a child is introduced into the picture, and three little ones are no exception.

There are other factors that contribute to my not getting up with Casey anymore. Most mornings, I am nursing (in bed--trying to get a few more minutes of uncomfortable sleep) when the alarm goes off. And since Casey changed jobs a couple years ago, it is no longer helpful to have a lunch packed. (It used to be that if I didn't pack him one, he wouln't get lunch because he was so busy all day--never had much time at his desk. Now he has the opposite problem.) I also asked him last year if it discouraged him when I didn't wake with him and he said no. Put those together and add a few incidental other reasons, and what you get is a mommy who wakes when her girls wake, possibly in time to wave goodbye to her husband, but not get him anything.

Perhaps if I asked him today if it matters whether I get up with him or not, his answer would be different. At any rate, I am going to try get back into the habit just to show him again how much he means to me. Even those little things can make a bigger difference than we might think.

Arizona (Almost) and a Little Hammer

2008-08-03T19:05:00.004-06:00

Yesterday morning, hanging out at home, Casey said he wanted to go on a drive, so I hopped in the shower and we took off. About an hour into it, the girls contented and quiet, He turned to me and asked "Wanna go to Arizona?" I was taken by surprise, and immediately thought of all the reasons it was an absolutely impossible thing: we were "fish-sitting," we had no extra diapers, clothes, or toothbrushes, we'd left the air conditioning on in our house, Casey was supposed to read the Bible at Church tomorrow, and where exactly would we go, and where would we stay? For every reason I gave, he gave a solution. That was when I realized he had been completely serious, after we had already turned onto a road that would bring us back around; had I said "yes," he would've done it. I felt really badly that I'd killed his idea, and kept saying, "Well, then, let's go ahead and do it."

While stopping for lunch at a 50's diner, I said once again that we should do it. Casey said it wouldn't be spontaneous if we did it now--we'd been talking about it for over 1/2 an hour. I told him that it would still count as spontaneous, because we left home not planning on being gone overnight. He said, "Yeah, but it's a little overanalyzed now." What?!?! Me?!?! Overanalyze?!?!

So, we decided to come back home and I'd say yes next time he suggested such a ridiculous idea. I kept thinking how much more "doable" it is to be spontaneous when it's just the two of you. There aren't really the same concerns or difficulties to encounter when only adults are involved. A couple we know at church told us they had gone to AZ spontaneously this weekend, and she didn't even have shoes! That's spontaneous!

On the way home, Ruby got a headache. She told us her head hurt and that God was hammering in her head with a little hammer.

Traveling Home--July 7

2008-08-01T23:17:00.002-06:00

On the train in the Denver Airport with Uncle Kev, Auntie M, Isaac and Lydia

On a pit stop in Trinidad, Colorado. The girls were still in p.j. s until here.

I've been meaning to blog about this since it happened. We were really impressed with God's graciousness and protection on our road trip and the few days following. Only a few miles before we arrived at home, there was an accident with a fatality that must have happened moments before we came upon it (we saw on the news that the police closed the interstate within minutes of our passing), and we thanked God that Casey had decided to pull over near Santa Fe just so I could change Haley's dirty diaper. It may have made the difference between our involvement in the accident or not. A few days later, on Casey's commute home from work, he witnessed an 8-car pile-up right in front of him.

Of course, God would still be good and gracious if we had been involved in either accident, but we are so grateful for these glimpses of how very often God spares us from grief and sadness. Most of the time we are completely unaware of His sustaining and protective hand in our lives.

July 6 Hike

2008-08-01T22:20:00.003-06:00

Okay, so someone had this idea to get some great family photos at a nearby waterfall and off we went with 6 children 3 and under--3 of them 6 months and under! Thank God we had Sandy to help us! The hike ended up being a half mile each direction, and our 3 oldest (Ruby-3, Gabe-2, Claire-2) walked (often running!) almost the entire way by themselves!

With Lita

The whole kit and caboodle! From top left: Casey, Claire, me, Ruby, Corey, Karen, Sandy, Gavin or Grant, Grant or Gavin (can you tell I'm still clueless on how to tell them apart in a picture?), Gabe and Haley.

The falls themselves--nothing compared to Multnomah, but WATER, nonetheless!

Grandma Sandy (Lita to our girls) with her 3 oldest grandchildren

Uncle Corey and Aunt Karen with their clan of G-boys!

This is a blurry pic of Ruby, but I'm so captured by the beauty surrounding us that day on our hike through the foresty forest! It really is so gorgeous in that part of Washington! But as rain is known to do, it not only makes things green, but attracts mosquitos. The forest was THICK with greenery AND mosquitos!

Here's how we did it: The 3 youngest in slings/baby carriers and the 3 oldest running from parent to Uncle or Aunt or Grandma. Great fun.

While on Vacation. . . July 6

2008-08-01T21:37:00.008-06:00

Let's go to Chuck E. Cheese's! Only with Uncle Corey and Auntie K! (We'd never be so fun on our own!)

Should we really be encouraging this kind of behavior?

Ruby was hilarious trying to do skiball. She'd give it her all, but the ball would just roll back--all her "oomph" didn't have enough force to even get it in the "gutter!" At first I thought it was great entertainment at a small price, but she ended up gettting discouraged and exhausted. I guess she knew enough that it was at least supposed to go away. . . not keep coming back to her.

Alright, so I guess Chuck E Cheese's is the exception to what I said here. This is the cleanest, most enjoyable restaurant play structure I've been in so far! It was even air conditioned!

Why won't this rotate? It's right on our computer. . . this is the 3rd attempt to upload a rotated one. I give up! Haley slept through most of the hoopla.

To All "Training" (Toddlerhood) Parents Out There: It Gets Better!

2008-07-26T00:22:00.004-06:00

This week has been a real turning point for Claire. Up until recently, there was absolutely no reasoning with her. She is very communicative, and I don’t think it’s just my bias that says she is a pretty smart girl: she knows what’s going on. Despite that fact, she will stubbornly hold onto what she wants/doesn’t want and continue down a road that only has one consequence after another—and still not give in! (Sound familiar? It sure does to me! Are there more convicting things than raising children and training them in righteousness? Probably pastoring has to be up there, too, but as I won’t ever do that, this is most likely the most difficult “test” of my faith so far. I am more than daily convicted of the instruction I give to my children, and how I fall so short of doing those things. How haughty of me to expect a 2 or 3 year old to not grumble and complain—Phil 2:14—when I catch myself doing it relentlessly? Just today, I found myself grumbling about Claire’s 3rd dirty diaper in less than an hour, and was hit with the very verse I had reviewed with them this morning. I had to correct myself aloud and tell the girls “Whoops, Mommy needs to do all things without grumbling and disputing. This is what God has for me today, and I need to have a good attitude.” I am so grateful for God’s grace. I hope to teach the girls about His sufficiency when I make these numerous blunders.)

Okay, I’m off the rabbit trail. Starting this week (almost out of the blue) when Claire begins to show a bad attitude or the starting of a fit, I can usually encourage her to make a better choice and change her attitude. (Sounding something like this: “Oh, Claire. This is not my sweet girl. My Claire is a big girl, and she has a happy heart. Show me your good attitude.” Or, “Is there a different way to ask Mommy?”) She’ll either change her attitude right away, or within a minute, she’s back on track. It appears that something has literally clicked in her brain or a light has gone on with how suddenly this has happened.

This kind of reasoning has never worked until this week (come to think of it, almost NOTHING has seemed to work!). I’ve read parenting advice where the author glibly states to just do a, b, and c and implies that “viola!” there will be the end to THAT problem. Thankfully, I have not come across too much of that kind of advice. I’ve had some wise people recommend some good books that don’t speak in such terms. But I’ve read/heard enough that makes me feel like I must be doing something wrong, because my child STILL THROWS FITS. Sure, consistency is key (I don’t for a minute think that I’m always consistent, but we really TRY to deal with fits and have consequences every time one is thrown) but even in consistency, there is something else that I think some authors/people gloss over: TIME. It seems there are many pieces to this puzzle called training, and one really important one is that with all the consistency and consequences, waiting is also required. This “terrible two” age really does exist, and even if it is a bad label for it, there is no denying that children go through some challenging phases. I guess I think some Christian parenting advice denies the legitimacy of phases. Now, I don’t think that the general worldly advice is true either: “It’s just a phase, leave it alone and it will go away in time.” (i.e. ignore the behavior entirely). It seems there’s a balance in there somewhere. Both dealing with it consistently and being PATIENT because it is a phase THAT WILL END (or at least get better with time).

And here’s another thing I’ve been thinking about: is it really good child training to distract or redirect? Like other things, I believe it has its time and place (the airplane is a good example—not a time for training as much as surviving and causing minimal discomfort to other passengers: being thoughtful of others) but as a parent, these times and places really have to be few and far between if consistency is to work out its “magic.” What are we training children to do when we redirect them or distract them? I would say the bare-bones answer is: whatever they want. Is that really good life training? I’ll use an example from yesterday: If Claire doesn’t want to leave when I say it’s time to go and begins throwing a fit, and I distract her with, “Oh, what’s that? Let’s go see,” in order to get her to do what I say, I believe it will eventually teach her to only do what she wants when she wants. (Not to mention that it just seems downright manipulative!) It doesn’t require the controlling of emotions, the thoughtful choice to change one’s attitude; obey and do what’s right—even if she doesn’t feel like it. (How many times a day/hour does an adult face this same choice?) And if my redirecting isn’t to her taste, I have no recourse. I become a court jester, hoping that THIS suggestion might please her majesty. No wonder even Christian adults act self-absorbed and in our own tiny world. We’ve been trained since toddlerhood (my parents didn’t use this technique, but many Christian parents do) that if it isn’t presented appealingly enough or to our taste, we really don’t need to do it. Be considerate of others. Show up for work. Do your job. Keep a commitment. Be respectful to those in positions of authority.

I’m really not coming up with good examples, but I hope the point is made nonetheless: distracting/redirecting can have the effect of coddling a toddler’s predisposition to selfishness. It may seem like I’ve won on a case-by-case basis, but how am I really teaching Claire to deal with choices for the rest of her life? I believe this way of dealing with children really stems from a humanistic view: people are basically good and will make good choices when given the education and opportunity to do so. This totally contradicts God’s Word: No one is good.

In training my children, I want to make it clear that there is an absolutely high standard that NO ONE can meet, and that they (as I) must fall at Christ’s feet and trust Him to give them/me the ability to obey. Requiring obedience from my daughter instead of distracting her gives me the opportunity to share the gospel: her total inability to please God and the good news of Christ’s perfect life and redeeming work.

Wow! I had no idea such strong feelings were lurking in there somewhere! I meant to post this to encourage parents who try to be purposeful in training their children that it does get better and to not grow weary. I guess I got a little carried away. (Maybe I won’t ever pastor, but just watch me preach! :) Oh, and I’m not saying that we’re out of the woods, but it has been so relieving (and downright shocking!) to have this new development in Claire’s attitude. God has been good to show us a light at the end of the tunnel now and then!

We Now Interrupt Our Scheduled Vacation Update Posts. . .

2008-07-14T20:26:00.005-06:00

To wish Claire a happy second birthday! It's hard to believe this happened two years ago. (And, as it happened that I posted that story exactly one year after the fact, today is also this blog's first anniversary!)

Now that she's two, we are officially breaking Claire of the pacifier. I'll update as more time goes by, but I'm surprised at how easy it's been so far. I had really built it up in my mind to be a gruelling ordeal for all of us.

A Glow Worm: her inducement for giving up her pacifier.

This is where Ruby tells her that she needs to share her new "baby."

And an update on Haley. She had her six week check today, even though she's older. (Blame a trip, then a sick toddler for the un-timliness.) I took this pic yesterday to ask Barb if I should be concerned about her hyper-extended neck. Aparently, she just likes it that way. Haley weighs in at 11 lb, 5 oz. and seems to be developing thrush. Not entirely sure yet.

4th of July

2008-07-12T00:50:00.005-06:00

More "Vacation" Pics

2008-07-12T00:28:00.004-06:00

Tuesday at the gate: Uncle Kev shows the girls the planes

Wednesday: cousins Gabe and Ruby enjoy freshly picked cherries from Lita and Grandpa John's orchard.

Thursday: Ruby and her Great-Grandma Ruby (and Haley, of course)

Haley and her Great-Grandpa Gib

Saturday evening: Our "traditional" Multnoma Falls family photo (is it traditional if we've only done it twice?)

Whew! What a Vacation!

2008-07-11T22:43:00.013-06:00

Monday marked our ninth day away from home and our return from an ambitious family trip, involving driving and flying, and including the three beautiful states of Colorado, Oregon and Washington. We left Sunday morning, June 29th, drove to Colorado Springs to visit my family, drove up to Denver on Tuesday to catch a late-night flight to Portland with my sister and her family, spent 5 full days in the Oregon/Washington area visiting Casey's family, then met up with M and K again at the airport early Monday morning to fly back to Denver. We promptly drove to Colorado Springs to eat lunch and then started our almost-eight-hour drive home.

AND IT IS GOOD TO BE HOME AGAIN!

What prompted such a crazy whirlwind trip with a newborn? One thing mainly: Claire turns two this Monday. As of Monday, we will have to buy four--FOUR!--tickets to fly anywhere from now on. Needless to say, we expect this to be our last flying experience as a family for quite some time. At our current rate of having babies, it is almost out of the question that we will be able to keep up our yearly pilgrimage to the west coast.

So, why the extra fuss of driving all the way to Denver? Casey and I have flown with 2 children under two before--not exactly relaxing. Add another baby and a volitile toddler into the equation and we weren't about to kid ourselves. As much trouble as it was to drive to Denver, one thing made it totally worth it: HELP. My sister and her family were heading out to Portland to visit her husband's family and we jumped at the chance to fly along with them. Her children are older and my girls love "Auntie M" and her kin. Of course, the added fact that each ticket was $150-$200 cheaper than flying out of ABQ, as well as the sad thought that I'm not going to be driving up to visit my family by myself anytime soon made our decision final.

Casey thinks that the help was so valuable, it would be worth it even if we hadn't saved any money. There are fewer stressful "every-day" things than a screaming toddler in close(d!) quarters THAT BELONGS TO YOU. Thankfully, the trips (all of them) were without much incident. It was a completely satisfying and enjoyable trip, and very much worth all the trouble. That being said, WE DO NOT WANT TO DO IT AGAIN ANYTIME SOON. We are happlily home until Christmas (we think).

So much happened on our trip--so many momentous things--but I am too tired to expound at this moment. A few pictures will have to suffice.

Sunday: pit stop in Las Vegas, NM

Aunties M and Deb: M holding Haley, Deb holding Caiden. Upon arriving in the Springs, we went straight to a park to eat dinner and let the girls stretch their legs. The fam walked over and met us there.

Monday evening: under the trampoline at Papa and Nana's house with cousin Lydia

Tuesday night on the Denver airport trolley

Uncle Kev and cousin Isaac

Haley's 5 weeks

2008-06-28T10:57:00.004-06:00

Just a quick update--hard to type while nursing. Haley was 5 weeks on Thursday.

Wednesday. One of Ruby's favorite pastimes

Star-gazing Haley on Thursday. This is her preferred neck position. I'm glad she didn't come out that way! From what I've read, star-gazers are very difficult to deliver.

A "Ruby's-eye" view of last night's bath. Ruby's photography--but if it weren't for her, we wouln't have pictures of some things! Haley's not as big as she looks here. The camera adds 10 pounds.

Family Time

2008-06-28T10:03:00.005-06:00

Casey and I are trying many different ideas to quell the disturbing behavior of our two oldest children. Right now, we're on the "let's spend focused time with each of them" idea. Focused time in general has been helpful so far, but we thought it might be good to separate now and then and each of us take one of the girls to have special time with them individually.

Yesterday, the naughtiness reached new heights (?) and I was at the point of tears (again--I know, that doesn't mean much does it?) Casey called me back (after I called him at work to ask for ideas) and asked if I needed him to come home to help. I hemmed and hawed, because I didn't really need "help" physically--I was just losing it mentally and emotionally. I had already given up any idea of getting much done for the day, but just dealing with them, period, was proving more than I could handle emotionally. (I know, I sound like the biggest wimp, but that's how it is.) He said that's what he would come home for: to help keep me--and my poor girls--sane. Of course, I said yes. What a fabulous husband. He left 2 hours early from work (vacation time--and if you know my husband, you know that is a HUGE sacrifice. He does not like to take vacation time unless we are going on vacation!) and was home by 2 p.m. We had a great time as a family once the girls got up from their naps. My sanity returned soon after the phone call--just knowing the cavalry was coming. My hero!

Finger Painting for Great-Grandma Ruby.
Everything's better now that Daddy's home!
Candy Land on Wednesday.This is to show that I was involved, too. Ruby was the photographer--hence, Daddy's cut off head.
This is to show Haley's involvement.

Dinner Helper

2008-06-25T22:04:00.002-06:00

Ruby loves to help me in the kitchen. She's always asking to help make dinner, wash dishes, etc. I always tell her she can help with the things that aren't on the stove. So today, when Casey got home from work, she informed him, "Mommy says after she's finished burning the chicken, I can help her." Lovely.

An Outing for the Brave (or Insane)

2008-06-25T21:00:00.004-06:00

The girls and I went to Mom's Group (that's not what it is, but that's what we call it) this morning, then got lunch at Burger King (shh . . . don't tell the health nuts). Ruby and Claire played for 20 minutes in the nasty play structure (am I alone in totally grosing out about fast food play structures? Does anyone else find themselves having to not think too much about it in order to not throw up and race out in sheer terror? I have NEVER seen a play structure that was even moderately clean. Of course, the reason I am so very disgusted is because when Ruby was little I'd go in with her, and I've been in a few times with Claire, so I see up close and personal just how vile things are in there. You moms who have never ventured into a structure: proceed with caution. Perhaps it is better for you to remain happily ignorant of their absolute state of horrificness. I am totally blown away by the parents who let their kids play BEFORE eating---and don't even make their kids WASH UP before eating their fries with their filthy fingers.) Okay, I'm done now. After our flirt with danger, we went to get the oil changed in the Pilot in preparation for our upcoming trip. Anyone with three little ones (or even one) knows that's pretty much asking for trouble to try to do that many things one after the other. We only had one fit by one child (when I announced it was time to leave BK). Otherwise, it was fairly smooth sailing. Of course, I'm glossing over the fact that it is truly a feat to get 3 children 3 and under safely in and out of a car (each time I add another child, I have to figure out the whole "getting in/out of the car safely" thing), thorough a parking lot, and through the doors to wherever we're going (two of the places had kind people who took mercy on us and got the door for us). Then there's the difficulty of a trip to the potty with all three kids, or getting drinks, food and children to the table, or, like happened with the oil change--the mechanic needed to show me something, so all 4 of us trapsed out there to look. It took several minutes to just get out there!

At Mom's group, the ladies are always getting on me to not pick up my chair (we stack them after we meet)--a whopping 10 pounds or so, when I almost always am sure to walk out 5 minutes later, carrying my (probably by now) 10 pound baby--in her car seat--AND the overstuffed diaper bag (with all the activities, diapers, cups, snacks and whatever toys the girls have left for me to carry) AND my purse, and perhaps a few incidentals under my arm, hanging from fingers, or piled onto the diaper bag. Even my toddler is at least twice as heavy as the chiar, and I find myself lifting her quite often. What of all THAT lifting I'm doing? It makes me laugh at such a light item as a chair. Does any mom actually accomplish the whole "six weeks without lifting anything heavier than the baby" business?

I found it interesting that in two conversations I had with other moms today, we had all three come to the same solution/conclusion for the difficulties we encounter, but for different reasons. All three of us find it is just best to stay home most of the time. One mother said it was just too much effort to get out of the house. By the time she gets herself and her children ready, hours have passed and she's exhausted. My sister-in-law (over the phone) mentioned that in order to keep her children on their nap, etc. schedules (she has a 2-year old and 6-month old twins), she ends up doing things like getting together with friends at home more than at other places. My difficulty has to do with the danger of being in a public place when a melt-down (a euphamism for an out-and-out fit of rage) by one of my toddlers happens in full-force without the chance of a quick escape. My girls are being quite challenging and I find it is best to stay home to deal with these shenanegans.

Four Generations

2008-06-24T00:33:00.003-06:00

Gram & Haley at 2 1/2 weeks

Four Generations with Ruby: February, 2005
Four Generations with Claire: July, 2006

When my mom was here the other week, we went to visit Gram to get our traditional Four-Generation pics with Haley. It is very special to me to have these pictures. Not everyone has the privilege of having 4 generations alive at once or being able to come together, so I count myself very blessed. My Gram and my daughters have a special bond, so it makes those pictures even dearer.

Birthday Blessings

2008-06-24T00:12:00.003-06:00

I am officially 32 as of yesterday (barely). Casey and I celebrated at home (it was more relaxing than taking all 3 children on an outing) by renting a movie and having our "usual" (as in the one we usually order, not usual like we get it every day) Cold Stone treat: "Gotta Have It" cake batter ice cream with cookie dough in a chocolate-dipped, sprinkled waffle cup. Pretty decadent. We have a Cold Stone less than 5 minutes away, so our old tradition of going there one to two times a year has turned into 4 times since we moved here (averaging once-a-month--yikes!).

Anyway, my friend recommended Bella the other day, and I've really liked past recommendations from her, so we watched it tonight. It was very moving and well-done. Casey and I both liked it alot.

I meant to take a picture of us doing something today, but never got a chance.

This probably seems like a really lame birthday, but Casey let me run the errand to get the movie and ice cream, and that was a special treat to get out of the house and be by myself for a few minutes while he put the girls to bed. I guess when you get to this age (and are in this particular situation:) it doesn't take much to get a thrill!

Picture Link for Starving Viewers

2008-06-22T18:49:00.003-06:00

In Lieu of adding pictures to this blog (or until I start doing a better job of including pics in my posts), I'm adding this link for anyone who veiws the blog and finds it lacking, visually. http://picasaweb.google.com/casey.cowart There are some pictures of our family, but this is Casey's photography choice, so you will find pictures of other things besides people. (People are not his favorite subject matter for photography, much to my chagrin!) Actually, a few of the pictures are kinda random, but may be refreshing compared with what this blog currently offers. Ones who appreciate artsy stuff may enjoy some of his "non-people" pictures. I don't think I'm biased when I say that Casey has a good eye for photography. Visit the site and tell me if I'm imagining it!

Oh, and Haley is exactly one month old today. We have yet to take one-month pics and the day's almost over. I just realized we haven't done her footprints yet, either. Need to get to that before her long feet are even longer!

Eleven Postpartum Things I Thank God For

2008-06-21T02:35:00.002-06:00

June 2, 2008. 11 days old

A fabulous mother-in-law and mom who postponed my introduction to reality for 3 weeks combined

My cuddley, sweet-smelling baby all nestled on my chest. (She eats, sleeps and is healthy and growing)

Two precious toddlers who give me numerous opportunities to work on my temper and to apologize when I fail—always forgiving

My hubby—a hands-on parent—jumping into our evenings after getting home from a long day at work

Generous friends and near strangers who brought dinner for those first 2 weeks

Sleeping on my tummy

Sleeping on my back

Climbing the stairs—for the first time since moving to our new house—without getting a contraction as a result. I looked forward to the day for almost three months!

No more contractions, period!

(Speaking of period) not having one; AND not being prego

Kegel exercises

On My Own (Preview)

2008-06-12T23:34:00.002-06:00

Mom left at 10 this morning. Aside from a few hours the other week, this is my first day on my own. Except it is not really on my own, since Mom got up with the girls and let me sleep in one more time and put dinner together before she left. All I had to do was put it in the oven. What a great Mom! The house is picked up and clean, and all dishes were done, so we're starting off ahead. Let's see how long the house stays this way.

Ruby and Claire are both going through adjustments with the new addition. They really love Haley, but they are challenging and difficult throughout the day. Ruby is on one minute and off the next with her attitudes, but Claire is pretty consistently grumpy and obstinate. And I really have to keep a keen eye on Haley with both girls, since they are young enough that they don't realize what is okay to do or not to do with her. This morning, they were hugging (after one got in trouble for hitting the other and needed to apologize) and fell on her. I was near enough to slightly break their fall, but they still kinda landed on her. I have to work hard to protect her, and it really cuts down on doing much else when I need to keep her out of their reach or at least in my sight. I end up holding her alot. How ironic for a thrid child! (I find I get more and more tender-hearted about the whole holding and comforting thing as each child comes along. Not usual with subsequent children, but crying breaks my heart way more with Haley than it did with Ruby.)

So, how did our first day go? We said goodbye to Nana, had a mid-morning snack and took a nap--all four of us. Claire in her bed, Ruby, Haley and I in mine. I got dressed around 2 p.m. and we had a light lunch (so we'd be hungry for dinner when Daddy got home) and we made a thank-you note and colored pictures for Nana (and had numerous discipline and training opportunities) and the girls played on the back porch for a bit. I actually remembered to put dinner in the oven on time and Casey made it home around 5:15. We ate and Casey put Claire to bed (already a basketcase by then) and I did a few dishes and folded some laundry. Ruby, Haley and I went for a short walk while Casey got on a conference call with the side business he's doing (yes, another side job. It will always be something:). I put Ruby to bed and spent the evening marathon-nursing Haley (she's 3 weeks old--growth spurt?) and playing x-box. Yeah, I know. There are numerous other things I should have been doing. I'd really love to have blogged then, but I find I can't really type while I nurse (I'm amazed at the things I can do--or at least find myself doing, like walking around, tending to the other girls, disciplining, getting things for them, etc.), and I was pretty tired again by tonight anyway.

12:15 and time for bed.

Babies, Barf and Blow-Outs

2008-06-06T00:26:00.004-06:00

Haley is 2 weeks today. We've just been hanging out at home most of the time. Sandy (MIL) left last Friday night and my mom came in on Sunday night. We've also been getting dinners brought to us these two weeks, so I haven't had almost any sense of reality since Haley was born. I had a slight dose of it (reality) last Friday evening after taking Sandy to the airport. Casey wasn't going to be home till later that night. We weren't in the door 5 minutes before all three girls had, shall we say, "blow outs." I've heard that women who live together will synchronize on their cycles. Could my girls be synchronizing on bodily functions?

So, the update on our 3rd daughter is that she is a real sleeper and an eater and spits up more than my other two did. She had her initial well-check with Dr. Tom today and weighed in at 8 lb. 8 oz. Of course, she had a blowout right there in the room while we waited. (The only TRUE blowout she's had so far--not bad for being 2 weeks old--I blame Huggies. Never have had good experiences w/ those diapers--always leaking out the legs w/my girls. This wasn't just a leak, though. Serious business.) Good thing they needed her clothes off anyway, because she remained sans clothing until we returned home 2 hours later.

Ruby and Claire ask several times a day if they may hold "she." They really love Haley, but life has been slightly disrupted for them. It doesn't help that Claire is teething. She has not gotten ONE tooth without throwing up at least once before it comes in, and, though I see no evidence of 2-yr molars, she is teething for sure, evidenced by various bouts of vomiting this past week.

We actually made it to church on Sunday: just in time to rush in and get a seat. As the opening prayer began, Claire (sitting on my lap) let loose and puked all over Casey and me and herself. We cleaned up with baby blankets and baby wipes and got out of there before the prayer was over. Poor Claire kept saying "I sawy." "I sawy." We laughed all the way home about how ironic it was that we made it on time to church with a newborn, only to leave minutes later for something totally unrelated to Haley or me. I wonder what people must've thought when we were there one minute and gone the next. We can move pretty fast for a family of five!

Ruby, the Midwife

2008-05-25T20:36:00.001-06:00

This is not the birth story, but I’m tickled by Ruby’s imagination and observant nature. I was sitting at the computer this evening, checking e-mail. Ruby came up to me, wearing rubberized garden gloves and carrying an oven mitt from her kitchen, telling me she needed to check my baby (in my belly—yesterday, she looked at my smaller-but-still-pregnant-looking belly and asked, “U have a tiny baby in or’s tummy?”) She proceeded to tell me to “lax” so she could squeeze my baby out. I told her that God made the uterus to squeeze the baby out by itself, but she said she was the midwife, and that she would do it. After a quick delivery (of a footling breech doll), she told me that she needed to clean off the baby before I could hold it (must be a hospital midwife!). After I got my baby back (5 days, according to her), she had to leave because someone else was having a baby. Not exactly what happened 3 days ago (thank God!) but humorous, nonetheless.

Haley Kay Cowart is Here!

2008-05-23T21:00:00.006-06:00

Haley Kay Cowart arrived yesterday, May 22, at 4:24 p.m. One day before her due date. She was 8 lb, 2 1/2 ounces and 20 3/4 inches long. I am starting to write out the birth story, but it may take a few days to get my mind around it and gather the facts (didn't keep track like I did w/Claire's birth, so I'm relying on other sources for some of the specifics). In the meantime, here are a few pictures to keep the curious satiated.Mommy & Haley 7:17 p.m. 3 hours postpartum.

Haley and her abuelita--Sandra Kay (for whom the "Kay" was chosen. No, not for Mary Kay) Proud sisters Ruby and Claire

So far, Haley is sweet and mild-mannered. She "mews" like a kitten, which is a welcome change to the adult-sized yowl I've come to know as Claire's cry. I'll take that meow any day! It is too precious. She is nursing well and if I'm not mistaken, all bodily functions have "functioned" as of last night. Barb laughs and says the orfaces are present and accounted for, or open for business, or something like that. Both of us are doing well, and I'm quite happy to be on this side of the birth experience!

Could This Be It?

2008-05-22T05:59:00.001-06:00

At 4:30 this morning, I awakened to a strong contraction and went to empty my bladder. A few minutes later, another one came, just as strong (sometimes my full bladder can make them feel more intense, so I expected a trip to the toilet to take care of the discomfort). Then a few minutes later, another intense one came. These required my attention and concentration to breathe, stay relaxed and not tense up. I woke Casey to tell him I had just had 3 very strong contractions in the last 15-20 min. and got up to get a snack, as I felt pretty nauseated. I decided to time contractions while eating.
So far, they’ve been 8-13 minutes apart and really intense. I’m glad it’s morning, because I’ll be able to call Barb soon without worrying about waking her for no good reason. Casey will probably stay home a few hours at least until we know what’s going on and if this is labor, and if it is progressing fast enough to warrant not going into work at all. I just remembered I need to take some herbs for my GBS (yes, no surprise, I’m positive yet again). Will update in a few hours if it is not labor, and if so, the next post may be a birth announcement!
For now, it’s herbs and back to sleep. Pray for me!

Contractions, Contractions

2008-05-13T09:29:00.002-06:00

I just called a friend from church to cancel our plans for meeting today. The girls and I were going to spend a few hours at her house, which is at least an hour away. Last night, I was awakened many times by contractions, which, in my experience with my previous labors, usually means that the contractions are "real," but the same thing happened Saturday night, and they petered out to nothing special by mid-church on Sunday. I am virtually certain I will not be having a baby today, but the possibility (however remote) that I will be so far away from home (or anywhere--she lives way out in the country) when I realize "this is it" is way too much of a chance to take. I just picture myself giving birth alone in the car (with the girls in their car seats) on the side of the road and with no cell phone service, and it's enough to make the difficult decision to cancel.

Since 6:15 this morning, I've been trying to figure out what's going on, because if I'm not going to give birth today, it would be really good to keep my mind off the contractions by going somewhere or at least having an activity planned. I haven't officially timed contractions (the girls played with our "contraction-timing" watch the other day, and I have yet to find it again), but they've been about 3-5 minutes apart (by the clock) and fairly strong. I packed Casey's lunch, ate breakfast with the girls, took them on a walk around the neighborhood, watered the lawn & plants, and showered. I didn't notice a change in the contractions, but they were not debilitating. I don't know what I hoped to find out, because there isn't much difference between my Braxton Hicks contractions and real labor contractions. Needless to say, I ended up calling Case to see what he thought I should do. He feels the same way: almost sure I won't have the baby in the next day or two, but not worth the chance of giving birth on the side of the road or the kitchen floor of our friend's house.

So, here I sit at home. The girls and I are going to take an early nap in a few minutes and then see how things go after lunch. Maybe we'll try to stop by a friend's house here in town if I'm getting distracted by the contractions this afternoon. I'm not paranoid about going out--just trying to be careful about how far I go.

38 Weeks

2008-05-10T02:12:00.002-06:00

38 Weeks and counting. . . ! Casey’s supposed to take some belly pics this weekend. I took some with my little camera yesterday in case the other ones don’t happen (we’ve been meaning to do belly pics every few weeks, and hope we actually remember this time), but I’m not sure how good they are. Everything looks fine on the back of a tiny camera, but I am infamous for out-of-focus photos. Casey’s nice camera takes great pictures, but only if Casey’s taking them! It’s one of those that you really have to know what you’re doing to get a good result. The whole reason Casey got me my own little point-and-shoot camera is because I was almost always taking horrible pics (and getting really frustrated) with his nice one. The quality on his camera is so much better (a poster-size print is a piece of cake for this camera—looks great) that I always prefer that he take the really “momentous” pics. I hope the batteries cooperate with us when we have the baby. They have not been keeping a charge very long lately (yet when I put them on the charger, they show up fully charged).

Anyway, today was a really productive day. Case has every other Friday off (he works 8 9-hr days and one 8-hr day, which makes up for a whole day off—love that schedule!), and we got a lot done today. This may be as close to nesting as I’ve really ever been—I don’t know why nesting isn’t something I do, but with each baby, I keep waiting (and looking forward to) an extra burst of energy and motivation to scrub, polish, organize—whatever you’re supposed to do in the days/weeks before giving birth—only to have the last days come and go with nary an inkling of bleaching the shelves in the fridge or taking a toothbrush to the tile grout on the backsplash. In some ways I consider it a blessing, because “nesting” can get a woman into serious trouble once labor is in earnest. Many women tire themselves out with this burst of energy: sometimes taking the precious hours of early labor to completely wear themselves out with “preparations” that are hardly necessary (and often damaging) to a natural, no-frills birth experience.

So my laziness has its perks, I guess. It isn’t that I never think about doing these things, but my body cannot keep up with my mind’s desire to accomplish the “things that really should be taken care of before baby comes,” and for sanity’s sake, I have to push some thoughts to the backburner and just focus on conserving energy and expending it frugally. Even if we accomplish all we have planned for this weekend, there are still at least ½ dozen other things I can come up with off the top of my head that should be dealt with before Cowart 3.0 arrives. Yet life will go on if those things don’t get done today (or perhaps this summer, or maybe ever).

That being said, our day was both productive and relaxing. We really enjoyed it. Mostly odds and ends having to do with preparing for company (my sister and her husband and new baby will be visiting next week and then my MIL is coming a few days later to help w/our new baby). Putting together the guest room, hanging a shower curtain, cleaning and organizing the office (I was truly dreading this—it was almost wall-to-wall with boxes, furniture, toys, paperwork, etc.), oh, and HANGING PICTURES. This is to be written in the history books. We have been living in our home for a little over 2 months and ALREADY have pictures hanging on our walls! This is something of a record (for me). I believe our last house saw 2 YEARS of naked wall-ness before I finally decided to hang 8 pictures one day. I just don’t have an artsy or creative bone in my body, and get paralyzed by perfectionism. Plus, I get used to things quickly. Bare walls don’t scream at me after awhile. When there are pictures, I notice them, though, and it felt great today to see something pretty on the wall.

I think most of “our” productivity today is due mostly to Casey’s motivation and continuing work, and not to any “nesting” that I may be feeling. Were it not for his energy to continue, I would have thrown the towel in after washing the dishes and doing a load of laundry (I was ready for a nap by 9:30 this morning). The differences we noticed in the little things we did were so amazing, it was almost easy to continue with more projects, and makes me excited about tomorrow’s projects (probably consisting of putting the crib together, building a foundation for the girls’ playhouse, then treating the wood on the playhouse, planting the tomato plants we bought today, taking some belly pics, complete change-out of winter/summer clothes for Casey (this is WAY overdue. . . it has been overly warm here for more than a month) and just generally organizing and cleaning things that have fallen by the wayside.

At any rate, and for whatever reason, I feel much more ready to have this baby now. I’ve had all the home birth supplies for a few weeks, but as of Tuesday, they are all in one place and easily accessible to us and the midwives. Today, our home feels more put-together and “homey,” which will no doubt help with mental relaxation in labor. And my body has been feeling crowded and twinge-y and waddle-y, along with some really good, strong contractions. Another week or 2 of this, and I will be more than happy to complete this season of pregnancy—even in the next few days I would feel prepared, but another week or 2 would be more than enough preparation to endure even many hours of hard work. I love how God made pregnancy that way. Just long enough to prepare for it and be glad for when it’s over. The discomforts of the last few months (and especially the last few weeks) make labor more feasible, I think.

How Is Someone Like Me Supposed to Know When to Call?

2008-05-04T00:32:00.003-06:00

On Monday’s visit, I asked Barb when I should call her to come, and she said when I had activity-halting contractions ten minutes apart lasting 30 seconds. I have not been keeping track like I did with Claire’s pregnancy, but I have definitely been having strong and close together contractions for many weeks. One Sunday evening (at 29 weeks, 2 days), they were 3 minutes apart, then spacing to 5, then 10-15 over a 2-3 hour time period. The 3-min-apart ones only lasted about 45 minutes before they started to space out, but they were pretty strong, and the strength of my contractions has only intensified recently. Two days ago (when I finally started feeling better from my cold) they became noticeably more downward- and forward-pulling, and my back is involved now (not my lower back like in back labor, but a little higher, like it may be the round ligaments straining.)

Anyway, I’m pretty sure I’ve been having contractions that fit the description she gave for awhile now, but at least they haven't made much of a pattern yet. If I have close together contractions, they haven’t all been very strong. (Until Friday night, when they were only 2-5 minutes apart and very intense—even in the bath—I actually wondered if it was labor for a few hours. Here we go again.) Usually in the last few weeks with this pregnancy, I’ll have some moderate contractions throughout the day with a few an hour grabbing my undivided attention. And this pregnancy has been a little different in that my contractions don’t generally last more than a minute. As I said before, I’m not keeping track, but when I notice them when I’m near a clock, the minutes on the clock almost never change more than once before the contraction subsides (meaning contractions are at most less than 2 minutes long, and likely one minute or less). So that’s been a nice break this pregnancy. Even the doozies are pretty short, so I’m not going crazy yet.

The whole “how to tell if it’s the real deal” thing is very confusing to someone who labors like me. The general instruction a provider gives is to call when contractions are strong, 5 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute for an hour. So if I had followed those instructions for my last 2 births, I would have gone to the hospital (for absolute sure) 2 days before my first child was born (and possibly earlier than that, if I’d known to time them sooner), and my midwife would have been coming over to check me every few days for almost a month before my 2nd child was born. I’m not sure if I would have called by now in this pregnancy, since I’m not sure if they’re lasting a whole minute or not yet, but I’m already pretty close to meeting those standards now, and probably won’t have this baby for at least 2 weeks.

I could go by what my sister’s Doc told her when they called to see when to come in (water breaking, bloody show, or contractions 5 minutes apart or less). But let’s see . . . water breaking would mean we would have never made it to the hospital with Ruby (if it weren’t for amniotomy 13 minutes before her birth, the water may have never broken), and with Claire, our help barely made it in time (there is NO way we would have made it if we had to go to the hospital with her). So that’s not entirely reliable. How about bloody show? Well, we would have gone to the hospital over 49 hours before Ruby was born. A tad early, I think (and begging to be meddled with). And for Claire, she was almost out before any kind of blood was a factor. What about contractions 5 minutes apart? Like I said above, we would have been WAY too early for both births if we had gone by that sign.

It does scare me a little when I think that we may not know in time to call Barb and that I may have an unassisted birth this time. I do not want that, but it is a real possibility with how I labor. It’s either that or cry wolf 10 times and have Barb just roll her eyes when I actually do need her. Barb tells me that in her experience, second babies are usually the fastest, and it doesn’t mean that subsequent babies come faster and faster. But my problem is not so much with speed (Claire’s labor was 12 hours—not “fast” by almost anyone’s standards), but with how far I am into it before I know for sure that my baby is definitely coming this time. Add the fact that we’re farther away now that we’ve moved, and there is a great possibility that we’ll have this baby on our own.

I am not entirely fearful of this, but I am not in la-la land, either. I know childbirth is natural and that God made my body to do what it will do, but I’m not unaware of the tainting that “the fall” has had on all the things that, when God created them, he called “good.” The fact is that my body is not to be trusted: it is God who is to be trusted. And I need to be wise and discerning about my choices. I may not blindly bumble my way into serious consequences and blame it on Him. There is a delicate balance (I hate to use that word: it isn’t ideal) between trusting God and being foolish. I need to do all that I can to be careful and thoughtful, yet all the while trust that the outcome is truly in God’s hand. Casey and I will be praying for discernment to know in time that I am truly in labor.

GBS Screening

2008-05-03T23:16:00.002-06:00

I had a midwife appointment on Monday (we’re down to every week now). She did a blood draw and asked about GBS testing. I wasn’t prepared for it, as I had it in my mind it was done at 37 weeks. Casey and I hadn’t discussed it, so we decided to wait until next appointment (the home visit) to let her know. This must have happened with my last baby, too, because she did the test at the home visit last time. We’re thinking that we’ll have the test done and *maybe* do the other home remedy (the one she says she’s seen results on), but no antibiotics. The fact is that *for me,* I don’t consider GBS that dangerous. I know it can be, and I personally know a midwife who almost died 3 times (and so did her last 3 babies) due to GBS infection. So I’m not saying I don’t think it can be bad. I just have had the flora (not the infection itself) the last 2 births (the second one without any antibiotics) and it has not caused problems for either me or my babies.

So, one may wonder why, if we’re not going to do antibiotics, we would go ahead with the test. It is simply my “curious” and “researchy” side that wants to know. If we have a healthy, no-problems baby, some may claim it was because everything was “fine,” medically speaking, and there will be no way to know afterward if I was GBS positive at the time. I assume that I’ll test positive again, and I imagine I’m just a carrier and nothing will come of it, and I think that’s a legitimate thing to consider. The fact is that *most* babies are not in danger of complications re: GBS, and even fewer mothers are. The routine testing and administration of antibiotics seems to be unnecessary.

Of course, my midwife keeps a close eye on babies and moms when there is a positive GBS result, but she is very thorough as it is and I do not believe an infection would escape her notice, even without a positive test. Another posting altogether would be all the reasons why we feel very confident with home birth with our midwife: her excellent credentials and experience.

Getting Better

2008-04-30T11:53:00.001-06:00

Here I am, taking it easy (again) in order to speed recovery from this illness. It has been over a week now since I started getting sick, and only yesterday evening did I begin to feel better. Two nights ago, I went to an urgent care near our house once Casey got home from work.

They did a rapid strep culture which was negative, and the Nurse Practitioner (whose bedside manner was lacking) could not find anything wrong with me. She sent me home with a prescription for an antibiotic, should I find myself not getting better within a few days, telling me it was the “safest” of the things she could prescribe. She also advised me to do a sinus rinse to aid in relieving the pressure I was feeling.

I went home and did the rinse, which didn’t work because of the congestion (I did feel a little more justified about the pain once I discovered this). Starting before I went to the urgent care, I noticed a building pressure in my ears, which, by night, had completely cut off any hearing in my right ear; throbbing and piercing like a needle in my eardrum. It reminded me of ear infections while growing up. I was not able to sleep. Finally, around 1:30 a.m., I called the nurse line and the nurse on call gave me several really helpful tips (all natural and none to affect the baby). I joked with her that even if they didn’t alleviate the pain and pressure, at least I’d be exhausted after doing everything she said, so I may be able to sleep despite the pain.

Having gone through all the steps, I headed to bed, laying my right ear on a heating pad set to “low” under a towel. The heat was soothing enough to allow me to fall asleep. Some time in the night, I woke to notice my ear pop slightly, and the pain was no longer as sharp. Still lots of pressure, and no hearing, but at least the pain was lessened.

By the time Casey’s alarm went off, I knew I still wasn’t doing well. Between the pain of my continuing sore throat and the pressure in my ears, I couldn’t picture how I’d get through the day caring for the girls. Casey graciously decided to use some personal time from work (what we’re trying to save for when baby comes!) to stay home. I stayed in bed all but about an hour of the day.

I ended up calling my doctor’s office to set up an acute care appointment, and they called back saying that since she would not be able to prescribe anything if she did find something wrong (since I’m pregnant), there was no purpose in me coming in. They gave me a few tips over the phone and that was that. Some women may have been very discouraged by this, but I really respect my doc’s opinion. She is pretty conservative when it comes to medications, and it said a lot about how “safe” an antibiotic really is in pregnancy that she wouldn’t prescribe one. (As “safe” as any drug is, since there have been no studies to prove any drug’s “safety” in pregnancy.) Needless to say, I will not be filling that prescription from the NP tomorrow.

Casey headed off to work this morning, asking me to please take it easy. I assured him I would. I know how discouraging it would be for him if I overdid it and ended up feeling worse tomorrow. I can see him wondering “Why did I even bother staying home that whole day?” It would really seem like a waste of the time he sacrificed, and as strange as it may seem to me, one of the best ways I can show my appreciation is to go easy, not try to “catch up” right now. (This is especially counter-intuitive knowing my husband the way I do. Normally, nothing says appreciation and love and respect to him like a clean, orderly house with well-behaved children and a good meal on the table. Barring an absolute miracle, he will not find ANY of this when he returns home today.)

So today, I’m parenting from the couch, and when the girls have their naps, so will I. My one goal for the day is to get one load of laundry done. Casey has been good about keeping up on things here and there, but (like they would be if Casey had been sick all this time) things are still piling up. There’s only so much one person can do. I don’t know how single parents do it when they’re this sick.

Deb's Birth Story

2008-04-27T00:13:00.004-06:00

My sister had her baby boy Friday, March 28th at 11:40 p.m. He weighed 7 lb, 11 oz and was 20 inches long. She and her husband were very well educated on birth and options and risks and such, and it shows in her great hospital birth experience. It isn't often that I get to read such an encouraging birth story, since so few people take the responsibility to educate and prepare themselves for a great birth. (It takes a whole lot more than leafing through "What to Expect When You're Expecting" to be truly educated. :) I got her permission to post the birth account she recently wrote.

Deb kept the story mostly to facts and didn't express too much of what her thoughts and emotions were doing during labor. I believe it is very helpful to know in particular the mom's perspective of birth, because that's where I find I need most of my preparation for birth: on the mental side of things. I find that the physical part of labor can be made much easier if the mental and emotional parts are kept in check (relaxation is key, and one cannot relax very well physically without first relaxing mentally and emotionally). This is why I look forward to her visit next month--hearing all the juicy specifics on what was going on in her head in those hours and hours that are succinctly summed up in a few paragraphs.

And without further ado: The Story:

I started labor sometime in the very early morning on Friday the 28th (due date was approx 3 April) maybe 2 or 3a...was awakened by a couple of mild contractions and then every 10 or so minutes I would have another. I kept getting up and walking around. Brett went to work that morning. I labored with some moderate contractions all morning, took a bath, drank a lot, had some snacks tried to sleep. B came home for lunch. By then my contractions were getting pretty intense and I wasn't in the mood for much. I tried to sleep in between contractions and I watched a movie. I still wasn't sure if this was the real thing so I didn't want B to stay around for nothing, so he went back to work.

All afternoon I tried so hard to relax and breath through the contractions, they were so intense though. It took me a while to figure out the reason they were so intense was that I was having some significant back labor. So much so that I didn't really feel the contractions in my uterus...just my lower back. I tried another hot bath and warm packs to my back which did help a little. About 4:30 or so I texted B to ask him to come home after work instead of heading to the grocery store like we planned. He got home about 5:30 and I was upstairs on all fours laying on pillows and crying.

We labored for a few more hours, B gave me firm counterpressure on my lower back during contractions which helped a ton. I wished I had asked him to come home earlier, but I still wasn't sure where I was in this little marathon. B called the doc on call (our midwife had just left town that evening). He said to head in when any of three things happened - water breaking, bloody show or contractions 5 minutes apart or less. B and I walked around the house a bit. I went to the bathroom and what do you know...there was the bloody show. My contractions were still a bit erratic, some 7 minutes apart, some 2 or 3.

Here's the part where we show how truly organized we are. B and I had made a couple of changes to our birth plan and had kept meaning to print off the new one. B had it saved on his work hard drive which of course can't be accessed from home. We knew we should start heading to the hospital soon and of all things important to bring with us, the birth plan was it. So there is B upstairs typing frantically from our draft. I came upstairs sat in the office, had a contraction and then ran to the bathroom to throw up 4 times. So then we decided it was definitely time to go. As we jumped into the car and headed north, I was actually feeling a bit better having vomited. I was a little more talkative and excited, so I thought in my head, "oh great here we are on our way, and we are way too early...we're going to sit in the hospital for hours and hours!"

We got to the birth center and were put in a triage room about 9:45 or so. The nurse came in, checked me and I was 7 cm!!! We were very relieved...I thought she would say 2 or something. So we walked over to the LRD room. When we walked into our room, I saw two of my college classmates who were our nurse and the charge nurse. I was glad to see someone I knew. I sat down on the bed. B ran downstairs to get our stuff and park the car. My nurse and I started the admission history. She was very good (she'd have to be since she is a Beth-El grad:)). She told me, "I am going to be asking you questions, but when you have a contraction, just do what you need to do."

I had about 4 or 5 contractions while B was getting things settled and they were getting more intense. I kind of wish looking back on it that we had gotten to the hospital just a little bit earlier, so B could be helping me instead of having to worry about our stuff. Then I told my nurse "I either need to have a bowel movement, or I need to have a baby."

My nurse checked me and I was 8 cm and she could feel the head. We walked to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet for two contractions and those were wammos! B was done getting the stuff and back in the room now. We walked back and I sat on the birth ball and leaned over the bed for 3 or 4 contractions. Those were even more intense, but it was still mostly in my back. I was shaking and saying "Oh God, oh Lord help me!" over and over..I wasn't taking the Lord's name in vain...I really meant it!:) I was feeling even more pushy now. I told B "I can't, I can't," and he knew exactly what that meant.:) I was close! My nurse checked me again and I was complete!!! In this case having frequent exams was fine and helpful, since I was progressing so quickly.

The charge nurse went to call the doc and I got into the bed. After all this back labor, the last thing I wanted to do was lay on my back, so even though it was awkward, I was on my side, clinging to the bed rail to support myself. B had my top leg. By this time I was burning hot and any clothing I may have had was long gone. Instead of pushing B away like I thought I might, I hung onto his neck and pulled on him so hard. Poor guy, good thing it didn't last too long. The charge nurse came back in and said "the doc is on his way, but he's 20 minutes out, so try to hold off on pushing." HA! What a ridiculous thing to tell a laboring woman. I had a couple of pushing contractions and on one of them my water broke just like a water balloon. It made such a distinct pop that it surprised everyone in the room.

I tried as hard as I could to breathe through a couple of contractions and not bear down, but it was impossible. B whispered to me so the staff couldn't hear, "just let your body do what it needs to." We knew there was an on call in house OB who was prepared to deliver if ours didn't make it in time. Brett told them something like, "listen, we don't really care who delivers, because it's happening regardless." They got the on call OB who came in and started helping stretch my perineum. About 5 minutes later our covering OB came in. I was very relieved to see him. I had about 4 or 5 pushes before the head was out.

There was this battle in my head, "I don't want to push, because it is hurting when I do, but I want my baby and I want this to be done!" I tore very superficially when the head came out. The rest of his body practically slid out. Active pushing was maybe about 15-20 minutes. They suctioned him and put him on my belly. I hadn't heard the OB when he said it was a boy, so as soon as I got him, I spread his legs to see what in the world this baby was. Apparently Caiden urinated when he came out. He was a little blue from the cord being wrapped around his neck once, so they gave him a little blowby O2 and he let out a big cry. It was an awesome sound. Nothing prepares you for those emotions.

He was able to latch on for a few minutes. They did all his measurements, bath, and assessment at the bedside. We did a lot of skin to skin to keep up his temp after his bath. He stayed in the room with us the duration of the stay. Right after my stitches were done, I had the worst shakes. I was so cold, but it resolved quickly with warm blankets. I had my OJ, ate some food and got up to go to the bathroom.

I have to say something about our hospital experience. Our nurses were wonderful. Besides the whole "hold off on pushing thing," they were so accommodating. They made sure I had plenty of juice for B to give me, that I could move around. They said they would bring pain meds only when I asked and wouldn't push them on me. I was able to be on and off the fetal monitor as needed. They let me choose whatever position I felt most comfortable in. I do wish I was able to push when I needed to and that my midwife was able to be there. There were a couple of the routine newborn meds/interventions that we decided to either forego or wait on and they didn't argue with me. Overall it was a wonderful, doable experience. Hooray for no meds! However, I have decided something, I don't like back labor. All in all the labor was about 20 or 21 hours, but it really didn't seem that long.

And to this I add from my soap box: as a nurse, can I make a request to please be kind to your nurses?! They are people who have feelings and work 12 hours shifts (some of them are 9 months pregnant) taking care of often grumpy and demanding families. Please don't go looking for a fight with the hospital staff. Remember you are coming into a hospital where the focus is not on what should normally happen, but preparation for what might go wrong. This is not a bad thing, it's just the nature of birthing in a hospital versus home or a birth center. Healthcare professionals are bound by lots of protocols, liability and concerns for your safety, so don't be too hard on them when they are overly cautious. You may be very educated in natural birth and the Bradley Method, but they have gone through years of education and experience. Just respectfully and kindly make your requests as a team collaborator and not a demander. When you interact with your nurse, picture me 9 months prego taking care of you.:) Several of us have wonderful husbands who are great advocators. Please share this part with them as they will be the ones interacting with the staff. It may bug you to have the staff around, but if something were to happen with you or the baby, you'd better believe you want them there! There, I am done.

Recovery has been pretty good. Sore off and on. My lumbar area has been the most sore. I haven't been afraid to take Ibuprofen! I have taken a hot bath every day and that is wonderful. If I try too much activity in a day, then I pay for it later, but for the most part I have felt pretty good. One thing B and I found the first week was that we needed a daily outing. We would go to sonic and get drinks, go hang out at my parent's house. One night we spent 3 hours at a coffee shop (our first date). It's been very good for my spirits and good for our marriage.

Breastfeeding is going really well. I was afraid of the day my milk came in that I would be a basket case, but it turned out to be okay. Just a little weepy:). Caiden has been a little jaundiced so I've been feeding him frequently and putting him in the sun for a little while everyday. Nights are doable. It's incredible the grace God gives you when you need it. I really don't feel put out having to wake and feed. I forget how tired I really am. A few times I have had to wake him up because he would try to go 4+ hours between feedings at night. I told him, no sir, we are going to get rid of this jaundice and then he cooperated.

Sick and Tired

2008-04-26T23:41:00.003-06:00

Monday, Casey called in sick to work, and spent the day totally wiped out. He's been having a really terrible time with allergies this year (Perhaps because he's finally lived here long enough to build up allergies. I, however, since I am pregnant, am gleefully free of almost any allergy-related symptoms this season. There are SOME perks to pregnancy, and I really love this one!)

So, anyway, I was thinking it was just the allergies taking their toll on Casey until Tuesday morning, when I woke up w/a sore throat and Wed. it was worse and accompanied by a hoarse voice and some other mild symptoms (among other things, tiredness, but that's not new:). It wasn't the worst cold I've ever had, but since I'm so close to my due date (less than a month away!), I decided to take it easy in order to recover ASAP. I've been taking it easy (as easy as you can as a home-maker w/two toddlers--can't exactly "call in sick") for several days straight now, but every day I feel worse, not better. I can't sleep if I can't breathe through my nose, and have been waking very early in the morning and just getting up to sit on the couch and drink tea and read birth stories until the girls and Casey wake up. This is not the kind of sickness that knocks me out and I can't do anything but sleep. This is the kind of sickness where my eyes and throat hurt, my body doesn't want to move, and it hurts to talk, but otherwise, nothing is wrong with me. I feel unjustified asking Casey to take so much household and childcare responsibility, yet if I do 10 min. of dishes or housework, or have to be the main caretaker of the children, I'm pooped and feel horrible.

It is really hard to be sick this way. If I were asleep all day, I wouldn't be conscious of all that is going on, and I believe I would feel less guilty for not participating. But just sitting around watching Casey take on any discipline or meals or dishes is very difficult. I keep thinking "I'm not paralyzed, why should I not help?" It just seems wrong to me to let him do so much when I'm there and I know how hard it is to take care of everything all at once. I really hope I'm never completely bedridden for more than a day or so, because I don't know if I could handle not lifting a finger for too long. I really hope to recover soon, for many reasons.

Nesting?

2008-04-06T00:07:00.005-06:00

Having company over sometimes is my only safeguard against absolute, out-of-control chaos in my home. As difficult as it can be at times to get my home in shape for company, I am always glad for the forced blitz cleaning/decluttering.

Today, my house magically became more and more box-free, thanks to a friend who has a great balance of keeping me company while helping me accomplish things. Whenever she helps me, I can look around and see a huge difference in my home, yet I am not exhausted. I love that. It was getting a little discouraging sinking deeper and deeper into chaos in my home, being away at least 2 days out of the week (doing laundry and cleaning our other house in ABQ) and having Casey gone for a week. Our washer and dryer were delivered on Thursday, and I can't believe what a difference it has made to be able to once again do laundry while working on other house stuff.

We are finally entering the homestretch with our ABQ house. The plan is to finish up cleaning and whatever projects are left tomorrow after church. After the carpets are cleaned and the bug man sprays, our tenants are free to start moving in, probably next weekend. Yay! We're so close!

(Here's how our cleaning expedition went. Lots of help from the girls and we got alot done.)

And I also am walking daily w/the girls as of a few weeks ago. Nothing aerobic, but I am exercising ON PURPOSE again. Now I just need to step-it-up on the protein and I'll be doing better about the upcoming labor. Thankfully, my body is getting me VERY ready in the contraction/relaxation department. Lots of strong ones coming on now at 33 weeks. I'm trying to figure out what I should plan for labor day, though. The fact is that I really don't feel confident that I'll do well during the really hard work if I have observers besides the very few people who need to be there. Ruby talks alot about the baby coming and wanting to "hold it on my shoulder," even though it will be "slippy" and "have bwood." She is so into this birth thing, and I really think it could be great to have her there. I have no doubt that I can do pre- and early-labor with the two of them close by, as many of my contractions are already strong enough to warrant cessation of activity (or at the very least, "going easy") for at least 1/2 a minute or more, and I'm dealing with them anywhere from 20 minutes apart to 3 min. apart, all the while caring for my children and home. However, I can see that it would be good to have a back-up plan at least for Claire, and maybe even Ruby, should they cause more distraction than is okay during my really hard work. More for Casey's and the midwive's sake than mine. I don't want them having to go off and deal with the girls instead of attending to what needs to be done. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to focus like I did last time no matter what naughtiness might go on, but I don't want to put my helpers in that situation. Something will have to be done.

I'm quite excited about this upcoming labor, and really feel the pressure of only a few weeks left to prepare. This baby will be here in about 7 weeks! Wow! I need to get going!

5 Years Later. . .

2008-03-29T22:46:00.002-06:00

Today is Casey's and my fifth anniversary. Five years ago today, we vowed to love each other and be one flesh for as long as we both shall live. We celebrated last month, when Casey's mom was in town to watch the girls. It was our first overnight alone together since we've had children (over 3 years!). It was quite wonderful to have time just to ourselves. Casey surprised me with a dance lesson at a nearby dance studio on the way to dinner that day. I was completely taken by surprise, which has been difficult for him to do most of the time. He's really getting the hang of this surprise thing. This is the second time this year that he's done something I never had any idea about until it was happening. Even when we pulled into the parking lot and I saw the studio, I thought to myself, "That would be really great to do sometime, take lessons together." But of course it quickly went out of my mind as a possibility for us that day, since it would have required planning and it is expensive, and we were already spending a pretty penny for our night at the Tamaya Resort. With buying a house and keeping our old one, Casey was feeling the financial pressure, and he is very financially responsible, so of course it was out of the question. After we parked and started walking away from the car he told me "Oh, and we're going to have a dance lesson before dinner." I almost cried. Casey has known since before we started dating how much I love dancing. Any time we have a chance to (at a wedding, usually), I beg him to dance with me. He isn't confident in his dancing ability (even though he's good when he does it), and doesn't like to do things he doesn't know how to do very well.

That 40 minute private lesson was a great surprise, and told me that he hadn't forgotten how much I love dancing, even though it isn't something I talk about much anymore. And it meant so much, knowing how outside his comfort zone he must have been. Placing my desires above his own because he remembers what I enjoy and wanted to do something that I'd really like. (He had looked at some jewelry and decided against it, then thought of the dance lesson. A much better choice, I must say. He knows me.)

Thank you, sweetheart, for 5 wonderful, loving, fun and challenge-filled years. You are my best friend, and you're still the first person I want to spend time with at a given moment. May God give us many more years together, and may we grow to love one another more with each passing year.

It's a Boy!

2008-03-29T21:42:00.003-06:00

My sister's husband called in the middle of the night to say that my sister had the baby around 11:40 p.m! All I know so far (I was a little out-of-it when he called) is that his name is Caiden Alexander and he weighed 7 lb. 11 oz. and is 20 inches long. I hear through the grapevine that she only pushed 15 min. (5 pushes!) and he was out! I'm jealous! What a "textbook Bradley" birth! (Things Bradley almost touts as to be expected if you do it their way! I imagine the Bradley website would love to post her birth story. This exact kind of story is why I took Bradley in the first place!) I'm so proud of her/them. They are so excited (and tired)!

This very much leads me down a mental path I'm already on called: "The longer you wait to go to the hospital, the less time they have to mess with you and derail your birth." I've been told this, and am a pretty firm believer in it by now. One common theme among many of the people I know who acheived their goal of unmedicated birth (in the hospital) is a short stint in the hospital while laboring (anywhere from a few minutes to 6 hours or so). Of course, there are exceptions on either end, but in general, this is what you can expect: the longer you labor in the hospital, the more interventions you'll have.

I really cannot express how excited I was to hear that her experience was a good one (as far as I know--can't wait to hear every detail she wants to tell me!). I really never know what to expect when someone I know gives birth. This was such good and relieving news to me! Congratulations, you two!

My Baby Sister's Having a Baby!

2008-03-28T22:45:00.003-06:00

My littlest sister (8 years my junior) is having her baby very soon! Her husband called at 9:30 to say they were heading to the hospital--she was in labor. I left a message letting him know that whenever she did have the baby, we'd be one of the ones who wouldn't care what time of day or night they called, and he called back saying that he was getting the stuff from the car. She had been admitted and was 7 cm! She's been laboring all day at home (I'm impressed)! How much more fun is it to get to the hospital and be shocked that you're so far along, instead of shocked that you're only 2 cm? Anyway, he said she's coping well w/the obviously strong contractions and hasn't mentioned wanting/needing meds. So far, so good. I hope for her sake that the next few cm are not slow-going. Hubby's totally excited and encouraging; comfortable w/the birthing process and tackling his role in it. Surely that is a help even when a woman experiences really strong contractions. I'm proud of them. Don't know if I can sleep tonight--so excited. Wonder if it's a boy or girl. Casey says girl (just because it bothers Brett to say that).

Drama Junkies, etc.

2008-03-24T00:06:00.005-06:00

Ever wonder if you're the only one who has a hard time dealing with certain people? It seems to me that some of the people that I find most difficult to deal with are not in the least bit of a struggle for others to not only spend time with, but they actually seem to enjoy their time with them. I wonder what's wrong w/me? It's not that I can't get along w/them--I can "get along" with practically anyone--it has more to do with feeling like I need to detox after spending time w/or talking w/them for any lengthy amount of time. And it's only a couple of people in my life that I feel that way about, but it is such a big struggle for me to understand why I have such a hard time w/them and what I should do about it!

The main temptation is to not be gracious, to call them on it and just say, "Get over it." or "Believe me, your life is NOT that hard, if you consider this is a major problem." Sometimes I wish I was one of those people who speaks her mind, and people just knew that. So much of my struggle is with not daring to speak my mind, and instead having the thoughts just build up in my head of things I wish I had the boldness and (gracious way) to say.

It seems that the few people with whom I struggle this way have several things in common. Issues like a lack of truth and integrity. I never know how much is actual and how much is exaggerated or half-truths. Drama junkies, too. Everything's either way better or way worse (usually the latter) for them than for anyone else. Things that are completely normal that probably many people deal with without freaking out about it are a huge deal that require tons of attention and talking through and false alarms and crying wolf, etc.

Energy-suckers. I feel like the very life has been drained out of me if I spend too much time talking w/them. I find it's just better the less I know about the lives of these people, since so much of what happens to them has everything to do with the choices they've made, and I want to yell, "COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!" because the problems are generally miniscule in the scheme of things. Part of why I've written out some of my experiences (my birth stories are a good example) is because I don't necessarily tell people everything that is happenning with me or what difficulties I am currently dealing with on a particular day (or even a big event). If someone asks me how my week/day was, I will usually respond positively. Even though there may have been several problems I encountered, I usually consider the problems normal and par for the course. In fact, I have a feeling that what will eventually make up most of my blog postings will be expressions of struggle in some way or another. Just as a way to vent, per se, since I don't really do that verbally. (My poor husband is the usual exception to this rule: he knows so much more about me than anyone else. I will express to him thoughts or feelings that I would not think of expressing in a normal conversation with a friend.)

I think in some ways, my blog will become a "this is how my life is, if you really want to know," chronology. Someone who doesn't spend at least an entire week living with and observing us would have no idea many of our experiences or what we do, or the fact that we have problems just like any other family. Not that I'm not real w/people. I'm willing to admit my shortcomings and struggles with my own character issues to any aquaintance, and that our family is not in the least bit perfect. But the whole "my life is so hard" stuff is just not really part of my verbal expression. Life is hard. Everyone has difficulties and struggles in some way or other. I'm sure my life is quite average for people who are in a situation similar to mine. And I don't assume that my life is crazy out-of-the-ordinary. That being said, it may not be very apparent in my postings that I am this kind of person, since I will probably start to sound like "one of those people" I can't stand. So you didn't get enough sleep last night, huh? And this surprises you why? Oh, because you thought someone had promised somewhere that moms were supposed to get a good 8 hours uninterrupted sleep after the initial newborn phase? And your kid is throwing up, is he? And he was so unthoughtful as to keep doing it throughout the night? And not even warn you beforehand? And he's 2 and this is the first time you've experienced this? (Be thankful he hasn't done it on a regular basis till now!) And your daughter doesn't listen when you tell her to do or not do something? And you're too tired to discipline? Struggling with consistency, because it would mean getting up and doing something about it just about every 5 minutes?

I can totally relate. I think that's my point. My life isn't that much different, I just don't always need to verbalize what is surely an average mom experience at some level. But perhaps I do, and perhaps that's where this blog comes in.

Anyway, just a late-night musing/ranting. Ah, sleep awaits. (And no, the next post will not include me whining because I'm so tired, since I made a choice to do without sleep.)

Laundry and Library

2008-03-19T22:45:00.002-06:00

Today was laundry and library day. We got to our old house in ABQ at 9:30 a.m., where I proceeded to throw the first of 3 loads in the washer. After tossing the load in the dryer 30 min. later, we were off to music and movement time at the library near our house. The girls and I love, love, love this library time. The woman who leads it is a a 50's or 60's retired kindergarten teacher, who was obviously a very good one. There are probably at least 50 "regulars" who attend story time, yet it doesn't feel chaotic almost any of the time. It has been more than a month since we last went, and Ruby and Claire were a little clingy and out-of-sorts until the very end. I'm going to try to make it up there once-a-month at least. It is just so inspirational how Miss Karen makes learning so fun! I plan to check on the local library as well, but chances are they don't have nearly as good of a story time.

After the library, we picked up yummy egg burritos and went home to eat them in the backyard--our mid-week tradition. While laundry was ongoing, I used the time after lunch to organize stuff I needed to bring home. The girls are not entertaining themselves as well as they did about 2 weeks ago. I am hourly addressing numerous fights and dealing with even more discipline issues. By the time we got home at 2 p.m., I was exhausted. Both girls napped slightly on the 45 minute drive home, so when we arrived, they were refreshed enough to not transfer to an actual bed-nap. Nevertheless, after unloading the car, I sent them upstairs to their beds to read books and have quiet time for 1/2 hour while I did some address-change calls and opened the mail in virtual silence downstairs.

Oh, and the fridge. Turns out the whole compressor was going out, and the fridge part followed the freezer only by a day--but of course I didn't know that until AFTER I had gone grocery shopping Monday morning. I purposfully researched and made sure repairs were scheduled and checked and re-checked the coolness of the fridge before going just in case it was affected by the freezer problem. We've been living out of coolers for the last 3 days. As small of an inconveinience as it seems to be, it has severely cut into unpacking (and maintaining) time, and I will be so glad to have a working fridge/freezer again! Making headway on this house is a real priority before the baby comes (come to think of it, what isn't? Maybe that's something to consider. . . hmmm.) Anyway, the good news is that the compressor is still under warranty, so our costs are just under $85, instead of ten times that much. And the guy is supposed to come fix it tomorrow. We are grateful!

Casey went to work at the old house after work tonight. He's heading home now at 9:30; about the same time he finally called it good on Monday night. I was so tired when he called to say he was going to work at the house. We had PB&Jand grapes and cereal for dinner and I put the girls to bed at 6:30. Claire has been a basket-case lately. I think she's going through a growth spurt or something. And she's been so obstinate. Anyway, after putting her back in bed at least 10 times, I resorted to the port-a-crib in the guest room. This is the first night since she's been in a big bed that I've had that much trouble with her getting out. I was at the point of tears when she got out the last time, so exhausted. I just couldn't handle any more emotionally, let alone physically.

One good thing, I guess, is that by default, I'm certainly not living a sedentary life. This is a VERY good thing, since I've been so busy that exercise is incidental (possibly accidental) at this point. Not a good idea when my body's looking at doing some pretty difficult work within 2 months. And I refuse to be one of those people who doesn't prepare in the least or do the necessary things to ensure a low-risk, low-key birth, only to leech off of generous and gracious people when I "find" myself in the "plight" of a serious and/or dangerous situation. It has become quite a pet-peeve of mine--when people don't take responsibility for their actions and face the consequences of their own foolish decisions (half the time, being ignorant enough to not even realize that they even had anything to do with what "happened" to them)--essentially chalking it up to "luck." I'm fairly educated about such things to know that if I'm not in shape enough by the time I have this baby, I have myself to blame. Which is why it's important to eat well and exercise throughout pregnancy. God is good to give built-in exercise time for busy moms. And I'm grateful for 2 growing girls who (excepting a meal here and there--including tonight!) force me to choose healthy things to eat.

Unpacking

2008-03-17T14:21:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow, it will be 3 weeks since we closed on our house. We (and our stuff) have been here 2 1/2 weeks. I am still unpacking. I don't know what is "usual" or "normal" re: getting settled in a home, but I believe it will be April before I can say that (almost) everything is in its place. My biggest problem being paper . . . bills, important stuff, stuff I need to look at/read before throwing away, stuff that must be organized and filed away, PAPER! Paper takes so much time to sort through, so I need to get a system going pronto, before I have a mountainous pile going (it's getting close--maybe still a molehill right now, but just wait).

So, my days mostly consist of unpacking days or maintaining days. When I am home most (or all) of the day, my goal is to unpack 2 boxes, as well as keep up on dishes and clutter. On the days I go to ABQ to clean/do laundry (our washer/dryer won't be delivered until April) at our old house, my goal is to simply maintain. Dishes, laundry, meals. That about covers it. The goals may not seem lofty, but they're doable, and that's very important to me, an easily discouraged person when it comes to getting behind.

One unforseen blessing about being in a 2-story home is that it just makes sense to me to get everything done upstairs before even setting foot downstairs. (I haven't gone totally FlyLady, as we don't wear shoes on the carpet, but I'm finally doing a good morning routine!) So, I'll get ready, get the girls dressed, we all make our beds, and then it's off to breakfast! When I come upstairs again to put the girls down for a nap, everything is in its place and it feels so great to not be overwhelmed with the things that must be attended to, both upstairs and down. At our old one-level home, I'd often get the girls breakfast hours before dressing us, and most days none of our beds got made. I feel really good about establishing morning routines for the girls, since it is such a good life skill (one which I have yet to learn well) and will benefit them for decades.

Our refrigerator is on the fritz. The one we asked the owners to leave w/the house. The freezer stopped freezing. I discovered things thawing in it yesterday. I don't know when/what happened, but by this morning, whatever I'd left in it is completely thawed. Thank God we have our big freezer in the garage, but I have to check on it every few hours, because it's on a GFI outlet (not a good idea for a deep freeze, let me tell you) and because of that, has already thawed things on its own. Two freezers don't do much good when neither one is reliable. Casey will switch out the GFI for a regular outlet when he has time and a screwdriver. Both things are in short supply while he's working on our old house to get it ready to rent. As for the fancy-shmancy fridge with french doors and the freezer drawer on the bottom, we'll probably get someone out to fix whatever's wrong in the next day or so.

As much as stainless steel and black appliances are all the rage, I'd prefer regular ol' ones that do their job. I dust our range top at least once a day. It shows every speck of dust. I'm really careful not to spill on it, but what's the point, if I'm wiping it down anyway? I ought to just go crazy w/the spaghetti sauce. But it is very nice to finally have a gas range. I love that when I turn it on, it's on, and when I turn it off, it's off. For the absent-minded cook I tend to be, this is very good, since I'm often doing a lot of off/on action around dinnertime ("Oh, I guess I should turn that off for a few minutes while I do this other thing.")

Okay, now to deal with the paper situation . . .

Could This be the Startings of an Actual Blog?

2008-03-13T11:21:00.002-06:00

I've been meaning to use my blog at the very least as a recorder of interesting/funny things that my children say or that I find myself saying to them. Yesterday, Ruby said something that tickled me and today she said something else, so I've decided now is the time to begin recording such things!

Yesterday, I was working on the computer, my 20-month-old in my lap ("helping" me), and Ruby decided she was left out, and asked if she could sit in my lap as well. After an affirmative answer, she came over and walked from one side of me to the other, finally expressing "I think you need to put Claire down. You don't have any legs left." She's right. I'm quickly running out of "lap," even though I have a whole 10 weeks to go before I'm through growing larger, and at this rate, I'm sure to lose whatever little lap I have now.

At 29 weeks along, I saw my midwife on Mon. for the first time since Jan. We're now to every-two-weeks appointments. At this moment, I have already gained more weight in this pregnancy than I did by the end of Ruby's or Claire's. And I probably have 10 weeks left. Yikes. Especially since I'm supposed to be gaining about 1 pound a week now. Barb is very encouraging. She assures me it has to mostly be baby (Casey says, "That's an awfully big baby!") and that whatever fat I store up will be good "brown fat" reserves for more energy in labor. How sweet. And I truly hope she's right.

So, Ruby has been sitting on her legs on the couch for the last few minutes. She came over to sit in my lap and asked me "Why is my foot so spicy?" I'm pretty sure what she means is that her foot is asleep. It makes me smile how little ones describe things. And I can see how it feels "spicy."

Moved!

2008-03-08T22:23:00.002-07:00

Well, we've actually done it! As of February 28th, we are officially out-of-towners. Casey surprised me late Thursday afternoon by showing up with a 26-foot Uhaul truck at our ABQ house. We were supposed to move over the weekend, small trailerful by trailerful, but instead of just beds and our overnight bags for Thursday's move, Casey loaded up the huge truck (with only a few minutes of help from me, our neighbor, and a friend) with almost all of our material belongings. He sent me ahead to put the girls to bed at the new house and showed up at 11 p.m. with our household of stuff.

Friday morning, I helped him unload the truck and we were able to return it by early that afternoon. Both of us were pretty beat by Sunday, but glad to have that hassle over with! Not exactly what we had originally planned, but it did the trick, and we're getting settled little by little! I had to let my abs rest for the first few days--I had really strained them with all the lifting, but I'm recovering quickly. I can pick up the girls again now. Casey's doing great; despite what a rigorous workout he put his body through last weekend, he has hardly been sore! Both girls did so well for the move. They just played wherever we were; occupied themselves with whatever was around and stayed cheerful and content for most of the time. God is so good!

The girls really love their "park." That's what they call the backyard/play structure. It occupies them for good chunks of time every day and I can keep an eye on them while in the kitchen, dining room and den area. What a treat for all of us! Pictures are coming soon--as soon as I can find the battery charger for my camera in order to download the pics. We are supremely happy with God's abundant provision for our needs!